Re: stuff we do for our precious 'izat'
I think this problem isn't new.. it has been there for a while now.. passed on from generations .. this whole idea, in my opinion, comes from "Caste" system from Hinduism. If you look at most of Pakistani culture, it still have bits and pieces of "Hindu Culture" attached to it.. our weddings is an excellent example of it.
Re: stuff we do for our precious 'izat'
Most of the desi parents are weird and so are their children. They learn by observing their parents from an early age how to lie, deceit and carry a dual personality. This hypocritical nature runs through their genes and they consider it very normal. Anybody who is straight forward and bold is considered 'baywaqoof' by desis.
I think 90% of desis need psychological help.
As Imran Khan wrote in his article that 60% of Americans seek psychological help, I think Pakistanis should also follow suit. Imran painted that trait as a negative but I think it is a great thing to acknowledge shortcomings and there is nothing wrong in seeking help.
Thanks,
Dr. Fungus
M.B.B.S
F.R.C.P. Englaaand
B.S in Psychiatry from Pagalkhana
Re: stuff we do for our precious 'izat'
BS in Psychiatry indeed :D
Re: stuff we do for our precious 'izat'
^ you don't agree with my analysis?
Re: stuff we do for our precious 'izat'
Aansoon, but aren't Arabs and persians all gung-ho about izzat too?
And I know the east orientals really are (ex. japanese, chinese, etc).
I think this izzat thing is a universal trait actually. I see it here even on American Soil. There's a reason why its so heavily stressed to make a good first impression. I think we're social animals, and we are very prone to judge one another. The negative is when you're doing that without looking in your own backyard first.
When raising kids, this dekha dekhi is not any good at all. Don't compare your kids to others, and don't let some outsider hurt your child by doing that either. Desis just need to be stronger and take a darn stand sometimes. We're such a passive group.
Re: stuff we do for our precious ‘izat’
Kididng silly. You know I always agree with you whenever u make sense. I know its rare but I doooooo 
Re: stuff we do for our precious ‘izat’
I thought we were discussing this issue from desi perspective in desi culture and not in arab or american or chineese culture..
Re: stuff we do for our precious 'izat'
You said you think its from the "caste" system, so I commented, that its not necessarily one influence, it might just be an inherent part of human nature.
Re: stuff we do for our precious 'izat'
^ i said comes from "Caste" system from Hinduism
Re: stuff we do for our precious ‘izat’
I know…and I counterargued that…
Re: stuff we do for our precious 'izat'
God help me, I will never ever ever ever ever put my kids through such bullshiit. All my mom ever said to me was that I was good for nothing, except to eat and sleep; I'm not a great student, I'm not smart, I've been told to go on a diet since I WAS FIVE YEARS OLD, and I'm lazy. No wonder desis are so fked up, if all their parents do this all the freakin time.
Re: stuff we do for our precious 'izat'
I think parents tend to say such things to their kids, so their kids will become better. But unfortunately, they OVERREACT. They make you feel so worthless. They forget you have good pionts too.
I can understand the diet thing, if you are overweight, for your health try to do something about it. Especially if you know you have diseases running in your family related to overweight. My kid brother became fat as a child. He never listened, and when he in later years did try to loose weight, it would get back on in a few months or weeks. Today he's in his early twenties and he is still trying to loose weight.
By comparing their kids to others, parents try to inspire their kids. It becomes bad when they forget that other peoples kids have flaws too! And in the end they see nothing right in you.
Sometimes you keep trying and nothing works. When I was about 11, 12 years old, I started doing everything but cooking at my parents home. I have been spoilt a lot too, especially because I was often ill, I had heart problems and stuff. but in later years I learnt almost everything. By the time I was 14 I did laundry, made rotiya, cleaned the whole house, made appointments for everyone, wrote letters for my parents to companies etc. I did everything but making haandi, that I really learnt after marriage. From my 14th up to my marriage I was running the house. But especiallly my Mom always thought less of me. I was never good enough. The daughter of some pakistani friends could make shalwar kalmeez when she was 13-14 years old. So my Mom thought better of her than me. And whenever we would visit other people, on our way home my Mom would sum up all their positive things and would tell me I was nothing compared to their daughters.
One postive thing did come out of it, I had to do all that also when the holidays were over and I had to go to school. After school the house was waiting for me. My parents had a shop for a short while when I was in my teens. So when I came home from school, everything had yet to be done. Now I am used to doing a lot of housework and it doesn't matter if I come home from the pharmacy or I've been home all day. My colleagues often complain how hard it is for them, they are working Moms too, mostly married, and they find it difficult. They didn't have to do that stuff when they were kids. So now they have problems.
Well, anyway, guess what. Years later, when I had my daughter, I ran into one of those girls. We were talking about our childhood. And she told me something very very funny: HER MOM THOUGHT I WAS A BETTER DAUGHTER THAN HER! Can you believe it? That was such a shocker. Her Mom said I ran whole my parents house and all she could do was make ras malai, shalwar kameez and baked eggs! Of course an overreaction too. We had a great laugh. :-D
I guess parents never really are satisfied no matter what you do. The grass is greener on the other side. They forget the positive sides of their children. With only being negative towards their children, they actually bring a lot of emotional harm without even realising it I guess.
Were our parents raised this way themselves? Will the next generation be different? Will we be better parents? Will we be at least able to remove some of our social hypocrisy?
What kind of people
Re: stuff we do for our precious ‘izat’
no offence meant but yes if we had YOUR IDEAL TYPE of generation the world is on its last roll 
.. ok i agree my parents are never 100% satisfied with me but deep down my heart i know how much they love me .. and wud never ever think wrong of me .. i might do me wrong but they are ultimate truth to me ..
no idea the zoo/jungle uve been raised in but things went totaly diff for me .. and wud u realy have to tell that u dont relate to those WEIRD DESIz ?
and then contradicts ownself by …
Re: stuff we do for our precious ‘izat’
My parents love me, I Know they love me more than anything. But sometimes just remembering that still hurts. But sadya the reason for htem sayin that wasn’t coz of health reasons but becoz “shaadi nahi hoyghee.” TO A FIVE YEAR OLD! 
Re: stuff we do for our precious ‘izat’
That’s what I mean by overreacting which leads to emotional harm in many cases! It still hurts me too when I look back and remember stuff. And some things still haven’t changed. I guess they never will, no matter what you do, they will never be satisfied with you. that’s why I decided a few years ago to at least try to live my life as I wish as much as possible , as long as I don’t break Islamic rules. Yes we’re suposed to listen to our parents, but children have rights too.
Re: stuff we do for our precious ‘izat’
Daym sadya. You do a lot of housework. I don’t do jack in this house compared to you. My mom would think you’re a better daughter too 
They just say that. If anything happened to you, they’d be running around tearing their hair out. They do it, for some weird logic, that you will improve yourself.
Although, honestly, I’ve always had issues with moms that make their kids do all the housework while madam goes shoppnig and to work etc. I think that’s pretty dumb.
Why can’t desis be normal and everyone share equally in the housework? Why does it have to be the daughter being the maasi?
Re: stuff we do for our precious ‘izat’
[quote=“PyariCgudia”]
Daym sadya. You do a lot of housework. I don’t do jack in this house compared to you. QUOTE]
Not anymore, that was years ago, before I got married. I have my own place now.
Re: stuff we do for our precious ‘izat’
I guess because of the pressure of inlaws. They critisize the bahu as much as they can. Sometimes they even insult her parents if she can’t cook properly or something, her parents will be blamed for “not teaching anything” to their daughter.
My mother in law kept saying I was a good bahu, except for the cooking part. I had only learnt to make roti’s. And I could bake eggs, hee hee, just kidding, I knew how to make little things like pakori, kabab, samosa etc. too, but just no haandi, and that is very important. So I learnt that from my inlaws.
I think it’s every desi mothers nightmare if her daughter can’t cook or whatever. People very often judge parents on what their children know.
Re: stuff we do for our precious ‘izat’
That’s retarded. I don’t get what the big deal is about cooking. If you don’t know, then you’re going to learn when you need to do it. There are more things to look at about a girl than how she cooks. As if the hubby’s tummy and penis are the only things that need to be satisfied.
Phir jab churail mil thi hai na, then all the in-laws sit there and gripe and cry about it.
I swear, once my daddi and phupi were complaining about some of their DIL’s - they complain about my mom too, but they wont do it to her face - (and mind you I was there when they were getting some of these rishtaas…) - I was like "YOU’RE the ones who went rishtaa hunting and inquired about the girl’s cooking and silai skills, and YOU’RE the ones who made these rishtaas without even speaking with the girls - the girls were sitting in another room altogether pretending to be shy and bholi-bhali si. Now you have a monster, so don’t complain. After all, they’re pretty na and fun to show off? "
Right, they all gained like 30 lbs within their first year of marriage, and they just sit around leeching off their husbands like there is not tomorrow.
Re: stuff we do for our precious 'izat'
Three things
Parents should never allow anyone to interefere in the lives
of their children in anyway whatsoever. No matter how close a
relative or how good a friend the person is, no one should take
precedence over their child's life and its privacy.
After the implication of rule #1, unnecessary people keep out
and therefore when the child does something wrong there's plenty
of room to correct it and help the child get better without the risk
of embarrassment in the community or family. The fear of what
'people will say or think' keeps many people from correcting the
problem immediately upon its first arousal.
No child should ever be compared with another. This can really
hinder the psychological, emotional growth of a kid. And its effects
on self esteem can be quite devastating in the later years.