Ok so ive been engaged for about a year and some months now and my in-laws and paretns are both so different in so many way. my parents on one hand are a little more religious and you can say traditional and my in-laws are more modern and religious but not as much as my parents. In many cultures i know while being engaged its not allowed for the girl and guy to go out together and stuff but in our culture its permissable with an adult obviously, this isnt the 14th century where u need parental supervision where ever you go.
So im often stuck in situations where my in-laws or fiance wanna do something but i cant cause it requires my fiance and i to be alone and my parents wount allow that. Like going to the movies or going out for dinner we have to have someone with us at all times. This matter usually causes many problems between my parents and I who think i should know better and stand up and say no i cant go out for such and such reason. And also causes problems between my fiance and I cause all his freidns are married or engaged and are all allowed to do whatever they want...is this normal?
have any of you been thru the same situation or something similar?
Sometimes i feel like im the only one who gets trapped in these stupid positions and it makes me so mad…Pray for me guys… to have the strenght to surpass all this.
In any relationship one has to compromise. I think whilst you are unmarried you should respect your parents wishes.
Maybe you could talk to your fiance and tell him about your parents wishes etc. When you are married then no one can say to you, you can’t do this and you can’t do that.I know you and your fiance might think it’s annoying because you want to do other things and maybe not have a third party there and it must be frustrating too but I guess your parents are trying to protect you.
All you need is a bit of patience, and inshallah when you are married you will think why did I fret over this. There is a time and a place for everything:hugz:
the great thing about being less encountering is, it keeps your and your significant other from getting over mulled.
practicing discretion in being all the time together, is also good to check oneself, how much can you stay away from the other person, and when you meet, you make the time reflected upon, in a happy way.
& that, hopefully, both of you can proudly feel and express, that you are still committed to each other, even though the silence, and distance, and no direct communication or spending time together is not possible, at the moment, but only for a certain duration of time, till you marry each other.
patience and balance, are virtues that never fail you.
ahh thanks guys its that we live so in the same state an hour away from each other so its kinda hard and then my mother in law is very persistant in having her way and since im not married i dont wanna be rude to her but yet at the same time listen to my parents its all so complicated
just pray for me please
If you do not want to go against your parents wishes maybe you should explain things to your future MIL. You won't be rude if you say it in a polite and honest manner. Otherwise the problem won't go away and one side will be unhappy.
i would have my parents in in-laws do all this but my mother in laws kinda blunt about everythign ..she says things and then doesnt realize she shouldnt have said it so i think that would just cause more problems.
I kinnda went thru the same situation. I would say listen to your parents.
If your in laws know ur parents are more traditional, then they should just approach your parents first and ask for their permission whenever they want u to go out with him or watever. Your parents are right from their point of view since your not married yet so its better to keep it like this. It might be annoying for you some times but trust me parents boohat different way say sochtay hain and esp. daughters kay liye.
haan, i kno but its so hard to listen to everyone...im one person i cant go around pleasing everyone. Inshallah everythign will be ok...its just so fustrating
Well, my parents are of the same view and my inlaws are the same as yours. Its wierd though with them. They've never objected to me being out with their son but got upset when I said I wanted to have a mehndi. Hm.
Anyway, my parents had already laid all of this out for them. It was discussed and decided that we wont be having any alone time unless we're married. And since a lot of the wedding planning requires he and I to interact on a daily basis, my parents have proposed the idea of a simple nikah in the masjid to them. Inlaws said its fine so I might actually be nika-fied in a couple of weeks!
A lot of people have stated to let your parents handle it...I would too. I would speak to him and let him know what is going on but have your parents take care of it with your inlaws.
I think if the guy is a good guy, then your parents should not interfere. Simply because there will be tension between you and your parents... and somehow it will involve the guy and his family too later on.
It will not be a healthy relationship with everyone else involved.
lol....my fiance is great !!! but my parents have an image that they dont wanna ruin and i have a younger sister so my parents are lyk u kno ...i guess idk...being the girls paretns they are obviously gonna worry but it sucks for me to be in the middle
Aww Miami that is tough dear! It seems like you know that there is not much you can do, but you just needed a place to vent.
I think the best advice dispensed is for you to allow both parents to handle the matter. Or just explain things to your fiance and have him pass on the message to his parents.
On the other hand, do you want to be able to spend this time along with him? I'm not saying this is the right thing for you to do, but if it were me, I would fight to be able to spend the time with my fiance. I know that is against popular opinion, but that's my honest stance. I would ask my parents to trust in the way that they raised me and allow me to have the opportunity to spend time with the man who is to be my husband.
Anyway, sorry for the headache, I know you feel torn. Just remember that this is temporary, Inshallah after your marriage you two will be able to look back and laugh at the situation!
Aww Miami that is tough dear! It seems like you know that there is not much you can do, but you just needed a place to vent.
I think the best advice dispensed is for you to allow both parents to handle the matter. Or just explain things to your fiance and have him pass on the message to his parents.
On the other hand, do you want to be able to spend this time along with him? I'm not saying this is the right thing for you to do, but if it were me, I would fight to be able to spend the time with my fiance. I know that is against popular opinion, but that's my honest stance. I would ask my parents to trust in the way that they raised me and allow me to have the opportunity to spend time with the man who is to be my husband.
Anyway, sorry for the headache, I know you feel torn. Just remember that this is temporary, Inshallah after your marriage you two will be able to look back and laugh at the situation!
well technically we do spent time alone. if im at school and hes in town he tries to come with me for lunch and while im at his house his parents usually dont really bother us. So we spend time alone. But its just that theres certain things they wanna do with me that my parents wount allow
well technically we do spent time alone. if im at school and hes in town he tries to come with me for lunch and while im at his house his parents usually dont really bother us. So we spend time alone. But its just that theres certain things they wanna do with me that my parents wount allow
Ah, okay, I'm glad that you two get that alone time. With all due respect to your in-laws, things would be so much easier if they would just understand that there are certain limitations that you must take into consideration.
I'm sure they are just so excited to have you be a part of the family that they really want to be able to have you with them at all important events and functions. It is actually very sweet that they want you to be involved. Stay strong and keep trying to get both sides to compromise. Also, be extra sweet to your in-laws. When you are allowed to visit bring something you've baked, text your MIL once in a while just to say and that you were thinking of her, send e-cards, maybe when you're shopping buy her a shade of lipstick that you thought would compliment her. This way, when you have to reject invitations from them they understand that you still love and care for the family very much, but you're just not able to participate in certain activities right now; it will make the blow softer. Plus, if you become closer to your MIL like this you may be able to have a frank discussion with her about the situation. I love buying little treats for my MIL, I always buy her and my mom the same perfume for instance, MA we have a great relationship now.
I think what is key here is to maintain the good relationship with your in-laws while still adhering to your parents requests.