Re: Stuck in the Middle !!!
Nikah kara lain?
listen to ur parents dear! they r trying to protect u from problems/issues that might come in ur way even after marriage
Ah, okay, I'm glad that you two get that alone time. With all due respect to your in-laws, things would be so much easier if they would just understand that there are certain limitations that you must take into consideration.
I'm sure they are just so excited to have you be a part of the family that they really want to be able to have you with them at all important events and functions. It is actually very sweet that they want you to be involved. Stay strong and keep trying to get both sides to compromise. Also, be extra sweet to your in-laws. When you are allowed to visit bring something you've baked, text your MIL once in a while just to say and that you were thinking of her, send e-cards, maybe when you're shopping buy her a shade of lipstick that you thought would compliment her. This way, when you have to reject invitations from them they understand that you still love and care for the family very much, but you're just not able to participate in certain activities right now; it will make the blow softer. Plus, if you become closer to your MIL like this you may be able to have a frank discussion with her about the situation. I love buying little treats for my MIL, I always buy her and my mom the same perfume for instance, MA we have a great relationship now.
I think what is key here is to maintain the good relationship with your in-laws while still adhering to your parents requests.
Good luck dear!
lol yea ur right ...i do try to be extra sweet and ignore stuff thats unkind or w.e. Since ive been engaged for a year and they come pick me up often i can always make her something. But when we first got engaged id always make something sweet and take it for her or like my mil is very very into all the girly stuff like makeup and hair accessories and shoes and clothes and alll that so like ive gotten her hair clips and perfumes and stuff and when my fiance is out of town i call her everyday to make sure shes ok and stuff. Inshallah next time i go ill get her a lipstick or something thats a good idea.
but yea i try to be fair to both sides its just hard listening to everyone
Re: Stuck in the Middle !!!
one thing is for sure that your parents would think and plan for you in the best possible way, they are in a way protecting you from future mishappenings so dear do listen to them, you will come to realize the importance of this hard time later.... if ur fiance is a nice person although he is going to be harsh with you at not following his demands now but later is going to appreciate for all this. secondly, if still he is persistant then the best way out is to wind this up and go for nikah. remember that parents will be there for you no matter what the time brings for you in future but the rest of the relations will never b there for you bcoz they want many things all the time..................
Re: Stuck in the Middle !!!
Awww, Miami i can totally understand ur situation... i know its soo HARD... I remember when my fiance' was here in my town,things were hard for me,like at family gatherings when ever he came near i tried to go sumwhere else, cz then later ppl say sharam nahi aati sath kharay guppein maar rahaein hain etc etc...esp since we'r engaged only, not nikkahfied. Marriage is the only way, I mean then therz no fear k koi dekh le ga, or parents mana ker rahein hain, And above all ALLAH Tallah dekh rahain hain...
Anyway InshAllah everything will b ok soon... don't worry... whens the wedding btw?
Well, my parents are of the same view and my inlaws are the same as yours. Its wierd though with them. They've never objected to me being out with their son but got upset when I said I wanted to have a mehndi. Hm.
Anyway, my parents had already laid all of this out for them. It was discussed and decided that we wont be having any alone time unless we're married. And since a lot of the wedding planning requires he and I to interact on a daily basis, my parents have proposed the idea of a simple nikah in the masjid to them. Inlaws said its fine so I might actually be nika-fied in a couple of weeks!
A lot of people have stated to let your parents handle it...I would too. I would speak to him and let him know what is going on but have your parents take care of it with your inlaws.
Good luck hun! :)
Hey gr8, InshAllah hope everything happens well.. Good to hear, All the best!
Ok so ive been engaged for about a year and some months now and my in-laws and paretns are both so different in so many way. my parents on one hand are a little more religious and you can say traditional and my in-laws are more modern and religious but not as much as my parents. In many cultures i know while being engaged its not allowed for the girl and guy to go out together and stuff but in our culture its permissable with an adult obviously, this isnt the 14th century where u need parental supervision where ever you go.
So im often stuck in situations where my in-laws or fiance wanna do something but i cant cause it requires my fiance and i to be alone and my parents wount allow that. Like going to the movies or going out for dinner we have to have someone with us at all times. This matter usually causes many problems between my parents and I who think i should know better and stand up and say no i cant go out for such and such reason. And also causes problems between my fiance and I cause all his freidns are married or engaged and are all allowed to do whatever they want...is this normal?
have any of you been thru the same situation or something similar? Sometimes i feel like im the only one who gets trapped in these stupid positions and it makes me so mad....Pray for me guys... to have the strenght to surpass all this.
Consider yourself lucky that you're allowed to hang out with him like the way you are now. Many, many families do not even allow that much. I know in our family, like PSquared explained, engagements mean nothing and we cannot even have unnecessary talks over the phone.
Your in-laws are okay with you guys hanging out but many many many Pakistani families are not. And that is important to keep in mind for your future, your sister and for your parents. :)
Re: Stuck in the Middle !!!
thanks for all of your wonderful advices. Just please remember to keep us and all the other engaged couples in ur Duas.
Re: Stuck in the Middle !!!
Get married quickly. :)