Is not letting a girl have a single friend, the only time she can go out is when she’s with her mother, normal? Not letting your daughter hang out with a very ‘shareef’ pakistani thinking its somehow not acceptable in our ‘culture’, normal? Is having psychological problems because of not having anyone your age around to talk to and telling your parents but they laugh it off, normal?
and is threatening to send your daughter back home and get her married off just because she wants to go to the mall with a ‘shareef pakistani girl’ NORMAL?
wow, I feel sorry for this girl. Growing up is hard to do, and then on top of that, not being allowed to have friends while you are growing up is even harder. Is this girl in school? Is she allowed to have friends over at her house? If she is, then she can have friends over that will be able to show her parents what kind of people they are, and that they are shareef. If she can do that, that is going to help her in the long run. As her parents get used to seeing the same faces, and they get to know the friends better, they may lighten up. Maybe they dont allow her to go out with the friend cause they dont know the friend, even though this girl knows that she is very shareef.
The only advice I have is to invite friends over, and let her parents see them, and interact with them on their own turf, where they are comfortable, and they can keep an eye out for anything "bad" they think may happen. Once they see that their daughter has a good shareef friend, they may lighten up.
^ The girl is 19 and in college. She had cousins around while growing up until she was 17, once they moved away her parents aren't allowing her to go around with anyone else. She is allowed to have friends in her class hours, but the interaction is limited. No going out anywhere.
The 'shareef' ones do visit home and mother knows them well enough, but the problem is more with the 'concept' of hanging out at the mall all alone without an adult. Its somehow not accepted.
If she is allowed to have friends at home, then so be it.....mall stuff may come later. count yourself lucky, you're 19 and soon you'll be out of university with some bit of freedom/independence or married...
and the threats...well they're just threats...they may say they will send you to pakistan to get married asap but THAT involves many many steps..lol.
Is not letting a girl have a single friend, the only time she can go out is when she's with her mother, normal? Not letting your daughter hang out with a very 'shareef' pakistani thinking its somehow not acceptable in our 'culture', normal? Is having psychological problems because of not having anyone your age around to talk to and telling your parents but they laugh it off, normal?
and is threatening to send your daughter back home and get her married off just because she wants to go to the mall with a 'shareef pakistani girl' NORMAL?
Helpp, the case you described is sadly very common amongst Pakistanis. A little throwback to Pakistani history, just to reiterate and create some context. Even though Pakistan was separated from India for the sole purpose of establishing a proper Islamic state, it still carried over all the culture and traditions native to India. The cultures and traditions were so strongly imprinted in the daily lives of Pakistanis that the Islamic Sha'riah is forgotten more and more every day, even by many of our parents. Parents are never above Islam, as Allah (subhanahu wa ta'alla) is the Author of the Holy Qur'an.
Now to answer your question.. I was just reading a hadith (Al-Bukhari) earlier tonight in fact and I came across the exact line where the Prophet Muhammad (sallalahu alahi wa'sallam) said it is strictly forbidden to marry someone off without their consent, and if they are forced, they have the Islamic right to abandon the marriage immediately. Beyond that, the Prophet Muhammad (saw) even mentioned that it is encouraged for us, as Muslims, to associate ourselves with the community, primarily the Muslim community.
As someone else mentioned, I do believe it would be best for you to get married soon. There are many, many benefits to marrying young.
If she is allowed to have friends at home, then so be it.....mall stuff may come later. count yourself lucky, you're 19 and soon you'll be out of university with some bit of freedom/independence or married...
and the threats...well they're just threats...they may say they will send you to pakistan to get married asap but THAT involves many many steps..lol.
Get married, to some uneducated cousin back-home and wish for a better life?
And I agree with you, but being the odd one out in your circle of friends. Not being able to go when all the classmates are planning a movie or a shopping trip. And the only excuse is because its not 'accepted'?
and yeah the threats are just threats. But the drama that occurs when those threats are mentioned is pretty nerve wracking.
Helpp, the case you described is sadly very common amongst Pakistanis. A little throwback to Pakistani history, just to reiterate and create some context. Even though Pakistan was separated from India for the sole purpose of establishing a proper Islamic state, it still carried over all the culture and traditions native to India. The cultures and traditions were so strongly imprinted in the daily lives of Pakistanis that the Islamic Sha'riah is forgotten more and more every day, even by many of our parents. Parents are never above Islam, as Allah (subhanahu wa ta'alla) is the Author of the Holy Qur'an.
Now to answer your question.. I was just reading a hadith (Al-Bukhari) earlier tonight in fact and I came across the exact line where the Prophet Muhammad (sallalahu alahi wa'sallam) said it is strictly forbidden to marry someone off without their consent, and if they are forced, they have the Islamic right to abandon the marriage immediately. Beyond that, the Prophet Muhammad (saw) even mentioned that it is encouraged for us, as Muslims, to associate ourselves with the community, primarily the Muslim community.
As someone else mentioned, I do believe it would be best for you to get married soon. There are many, many benefits to marrying young.
Hey thanks!
Marriage isn't a concern for now because she still has 5 more years to finish her studies and get a stable job. Even though the plans for later are not so good either. Its about sitting in your room the entire day after an hour of class, starring at your computer screen and forced to make 'virtual' friends because having healthy and real friendships in the real world isn't an option.
Hey thanks!
Marriage isn't a concern for now because she still has 5 more years to finish her studies and get a stable job. Even though the plans for later are not so good either. Its about sitting in your room the entire day after an hour of class, starring at your computer screen and forced to make 'virtual' friends because having healthy and real friendships in the real world isn't an option.
My opinion on this is not going to be popular but here it is anyway:
At 19, the girl mentioned is an adult....not a child. The parents can't "make" her do anything...let alone "send her back home".
She can go to school part time, get a job, start earning her own money....and move out of the house. Is it easy? No. Is it doable? Yes. There are MANY college students who live on their own, work, AND finish their studies.
If she's that miserable at home, then she has it within her power to make changes to her life. She can sit in her room, allow her parents to treat her like a 5 year old child, and make virtual friends. Or she can go out and make her own decisions like an adult, and stop asking mommy/daddy permission on every single thing.
Is not letting a girl have a single friend, the only time she can go out is when she's with her mother, normal? Not letting your daughter hang out with a very 'shareef' pakistani thinking its somehow not acceptable in our 'culture', normal? Is having psychological problems because of not having anyone your age around to talk to and telling your parents but they laugh it off, normal?
and is threatening to send your daughter back home and get her married off just because she wants to go to the mall with a 'shareef pakistani girl' NORMAL?
the number of times you put the word shareef in quotes, mujhay daal main kuch kalaa lugtaa hai
oh, i was raised same like this and it was help. especially coz i was born in europe, in a very open and modern country. no pakis at school...
i was allowed to have girl friends, but only they were allowed to come over, i could never go out with them or to their home...
and just marry to come out of all this is a very bad idea... believe me!
Astaghferullah, you're challenging the words of Allah (swt), or are you not Muslim?
Allah (swt) and the Prophet (saw) both explained the severe importance of marriage, and the Prophet (saw) explained that the younger you marry, the far less chances there are of you committing big sins.
Astaghferullah, you're challenging the words of Allah (swt), or are you not Muslim?
Allah (swt) and the Prophet (saw) both explained the severe importance of marriage, and the Prophet (saw) explained that the younger you marry, the far less chances there are of you committing big sins.
i believe that you should not marry, just because u want to get out of a problem at home... you should have other reasons to marry.
i believe that you should not marry, just because u want to get out of a problem at home... you should have other reasons to marry.
Islam teaches us that you should marry to relieve your problems. Do you think Allah (swt) would forgive her if she forcefully abandoned her parents (however wrong they may be, they still care about her) for freedom?
Keep in mind that all this crap about marrying for love, or your childhood love, high school sweet heart, all that mumbo jumbo, was created by the Western world to brainwash us.