This is a strange problem nonetheless I really don’t know how to help her, any advice would be much appreciated.
Okay so it goes months ago a friend of mine met this guy online at first their would chat every now and again soon it become every single day! His at work at obviously chats with her to pass time although he does message ocassionaly when he gets home and on the weekends she says they also email each other every now and again. Both are in different countries. Now the problem just recently my friend has started thinking that talking to him is not right just because his a stranger and it’s just becoming a really bad habit , she waits for him everyday to be online and is quite depressed if she doesn’t find him online. She says they just talk about life and discuss random events. His married and she’s engaged. She says she thinks of him just as a brother and a really good friend although She’s discussed this with her fiancé and he doesnot want her talking to him. Yet she says she’s finding it really hard to stop, she’s told the guy her fiancé does not want them talking yet he still messages her and she has replied.
She wants help, she knows she has to stop taking to him sooner or later but just can’t get herself too. I don’t know how to help her… It may sound like a strange problem but she’s really having a lot of trouble stopping. She’s been telling herself that this conversations going to be our last and then talks to him again the next time he messages. She thinks she might be loosing respect in the guys eyes as she keeps replying and coming back. He apparently says he doesn’t want to lose her etc .
It's pretty simple, she just needs to exert some self control and stop. Just delete him from her contacts. Schedule other stuff to do at the times she usually talks to him to take her mind off it. It's a routine, after a few days, she will stop thinking about him and yearning to chat with him.
And here begins an emotional affair between two virtual strangers who care more about a virtual friend than their own respective actual partners. To become emotionally dependent on someone that there is no future with is self-indulgent and self-destructive. Some people can maintain platonic friendships because they understand its boundaries and they know to give their partner priority in their lives, others can't. She obviously belongs to the latter category since she's disregarded her fiance's wishes to cease communicating with a "friend/brother" that she claims is platonic. Good luck to her!
Stoppit, your right she should just delete him but she's having alota trouble doing that.
Sehrysh, she really loves her fiancé and apparently the guys always praising his wife he seems like someone whose got control over the situation. However yes as you said she is giving far to much importance to a virtual stranger who she probably does not really know.
Mad hatter she does not have his number lol but yeah hiding the keyboard doesnot sound like a bad idea , although she'll probably just go online using her phone or something .
I to be honest don't really understand why she feels so attached to him and thinks that she needs him in her life . I've tried explaining to her that she doesnot however she just doesnot seem to understand.
I to be honest don't really understand why she feels so attached to him and thinks that she needs him in her life . I've tried explaining to her that she doesnot however she just doesnot seem to understand.
Maybe she's not getting adequate emotional support from her fiance. Just a thought. Or maybe she likes the attention and makes her feel wanted. Just another thought. Who knows really? But the only clear thing is if she doesn't stop, things will only get worse , and that too for at least three other people.
While it hurts us to see someone we're close to follow a self-destructive path, we can't be responsible for their choices and actions.
You've gone on record telling her what you think about her actions, now she needs to act like an adult and take responsibility for her own actions. If her behaviour is causing you stress and anxiety (and yes, sometimes the actions of those closest to us causes us anxiety, even when the repercussions of those actions don't affect us directly) step back from your friend and take time for yourself.
Stoppit, your right she should just delete him but she's having alota trouble doing that.
LOL....there are days I have a lot of trouble getting out of bed but I still do it. Why? B/C I can't just skip work just because it's hard for me to get out of bed!
You say the guy messages your friend and you friend is having a hard time deleting him.
Well, if she was serious about stopping this.....why doesn't she give you the password to her account....or log in while you're with her.....and YOU can delete that particular account. She can then create a new account and give that new account to all her friends that she wants to stay in touch with. With the old account deleted...the guy will not know her new account UNLESS she gives it to him.....and if he doesn't know the account....then he can't contact her anymore (and she also won't see him everytime she logs in b/c he won't be on the new account).
It might be diffcult but she still is CHOOSING to talk to the guy. There's a different between "can't" and "won't". And unfortunately for your friend, it looks like she "won't" stop talking to the guy.
^Creating a new account is a great idea! I will discuss that with her.
She's curretly out of country and says she'll block him when she gets back. I don't see the logic that. She keeps discussing this with me, but just does not listen to anything I say! I just don't seem to "understand"...it is really frustrating. It's the frustation that lead me to posting here. I think she's missing out on a lot d thing here,the guy I am sure only talks to her to pass time at work she's just taking this relationship much to seriously...
I just don't seem to "understand"...it is really frustrating. .
I understand that is frustrating to see someone you care about do something which you believe is a mistake. That being said.....there's no need for you to "understand" this situation. Your friend is an adult. The consequences of her actions will not effect your life (other than having to listen to her whine about the situation). You are not her mother or father. As a friend who cares, you have shared your concerns with her. Now its upto her to decide how she wants to proceed. Always remember.....you can not help someone who doesn't want to help themselves.
^thanks, your right. However, I know she wants to do something about it maybe that's why she's constantly discussing this with me even though she's overseas.
I do understand that it's hard for her to cut someone out of her life like that, someone who she's obviously grown very close to. But she does not really have to block even if she stops signing in for a few weeks I am sure that will help. I have suggested that.
But yes no one can do anything if she's not willing to change. After she's been told not to talk to him she does not really talk to the guy properly now I guess she need to stilts ing to him all together...