I have never really been fond of young and babies. The only two times I have directly interacted with them is taking care of my khala’s kids (and I only enjoyed holding the baby and putting him to sleep) and once when I was sitting with some little kids talking to them about elementary school. Otherwise, I don’t notice them, don’t talk to them, don’t touch them. Compared to me, my sister would see a baby and even if it was a stranger’s child, she’d run over and play with it. I mean they would get excited when it farted. And I’d be like, whatever.
Of course, people see that as abnormal, if you don’t have many maternal feelings, especially in desi culture where women are expected to. I hear comments like, wait till you have your own kids, wait till you get older. But they’ve said that for other things, and it hasn’t come true so I’m not exactly holding my breath. I see kids as impinging on my freedom, my time, my spontaneity. I see them as something that will hold me down so I can’t travel, so that I have to live in one place for years, in a nice suburban home with a picket fence and a neat lawn out front and back. And even later, they’ll take up all my time. We’ll have to consider them before we move, will be held down by them.
Don’t get me wrong, I do like kids, they’re nice to look at I guess. But I don’t want them for many years yet and we have put off the idea for at least five years. And even after that, I don’t know. I can’t stand the thought of my body being occupied by someone else.
Haha I guess that is “abnormal”. Whatever. Maybe my feelings will change. I do have my moments I suppose where I want a nice smelling baby with someone I love. But mostly, NO.
Your not alone, I've never really been excited about kids. I dont go crazy when I see them. I dont like holding them or anything. Its just not in me. However, I will have kids just for the sake of it, but in the long run.
I’m like that too … to a certain extent. It’s only lately I’m taking an interest in babies, otherwise they are pretty much non-existent to me. I don’t think all babies are cute either. I’m mean.
I really noticed this when my friends and I met up with another mutual friend who has kids. She brought her kids with her and my friends automatically got down to their height and started talking to them. I just said, ‘hi’ and that’s about it. I just didn’t know what to say, whereas the other girls were all chit chatty with the little ones.
It’s probably because I’ve never been around children or babies. I figure in time, I’ll manage … hopefully.
umm ditto.. i liked kids but having my own.. i felt and feel just like you.
But now that Im expecting.. I have to admit.. the feelings have changed a bit. I cant wait to see my baby’s lil feet and hands.
My mom says and she;s been right on everything else that the moment you child looks back at you.. the rest of the world becomes meaningless.
I know this is going to sound very negative but I don;t see any point in bringing more people to this world. It's only going to get worse, wars, chaos, more bloodshed, more hatred, more pollution... looks bleak to me.
SarahSplendor - I was a tomboy and not once was I ever moved to touch another child when I was younger. I didn't babysit and when a baby came over the house, I went out. They were too loud and too many things poured out of too many openings for me to want to be in the same room with them. My sister was the one grabbing everyone's baby and saying she was going to have eight of them.
When I was pregnant, I was afraid all the time that I would be the worst mother that ever lived because I never had a maternal feeling ever. I was so scared. Even when pregnant, I didn't have any.
But after I went through labor and held my first, my son in my arms, I can't describe it. It was different. All of a sudden I had a person who was half me and half my husband and who was so helpless and just sleeping there, so perfect, so helpless. Then he messed his diaper and I paniced. I ran all over looking for a nurse to show me how to change a diaper.
I just want to tell you those feelings are there. You are just one of those people like me whose own kids will touch something in you. As selfish as it sounds, your kids are different and special to you. You will be a great mother and those maternal feelings will happen, you just don't gush over everyone, which is fine.
Even today I don't have a lot of patience with other people's rug rats :D but I do have a lot more than I did before.
We live a very textbook life...studies, job, marriage, kids. It's ok if you take your time in doing these things. There is no one way of living...and having a baby right after marriage is not necessary. Take your time..and when the baby arrives, cherrish his/her presence.
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I know this is going to sound very negative but I don;t see any point in bringing more people to this world. It's only going to get worse, wars, chaos, more bloodshed, more hatred, more pollution... looks bleak to me.
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Femme,
I feel the same way. The planet can't sustain such a humongous human population. Resources are being depleted at an alarming rate. Here is an excerpt from a Guardian article:
"
· Because of human demand for food, fresh water, timber, fibre and fuel, more land has been claimed for agriculture in the last 60 years than in the 18th and 19th centuries combined.
· An estimated 24% of the Earth's land surface is now cultivated.
· Water withdrawals from lakes and rivers has doubled in the last 40 years. Humans now use between 40% and 50% of all available freshwater running off the land.
· At least a quarter of all fish stocks are overharvested. In some areas, the catch is now less than a hundredth of that before industrial fishing.
· Since 1980, about 35% of mangroves have been lost, 20% of the world's coral reefs have been destroyed and another 20% badly degraded.
· Deforestation and other changes could increase the risks of malaria and cholera, and open the way for new and so far unknown disease to emerge.
"
that the moment you child looks back at you.. the rest of the world becomes meaningless.
Are you sure you are not a desi?