Re: Stealing from husband's money !
I would ask him to step outside, if I was a big guy!
Re: Stealing from husband's money !
This is a very sad post.
My father was all open with my mum about financial matters, not even a penny of accounting done by him. My Tayyas and Chachas on the other hand, are very rigid in financial matters, and demand an accounting of every penny spent.
I do not work, and nor do I spend my DH hard earned money like an ungrateful person. It all goes into a joint account. I am in charge of where, what, how it is all spent. My DH had student loans when we married, and that was a shock to know. Alhamdulillah, setting aside money, and spending wisely, and paying it off in huge chunks, speaking with the bank, negotiating, getting rid of the interest and penalties , my DH is loan free. He has never ever mentioned to me where the money should go, or that I am not able to spend it.
From the same family, my FIL is very different. he keeps every bit of penny for himself, and doe not give a penny to my MIL. My husbands brother is also the same, he keeps an eagle eye on where every penny is spent and literally freaks out if his bank account drops less than $100,000. :) His wife has to account for every single penny, she does not have the bank account in her name, has a debit card in her name. And, yes this is in Amreeka.
Re: Stealing from husband's money !
Wow, things seem to be rather widespread.
and no not all Pakistani men are like this...
Two issues/ expenses and his contribution level for it
And what is he doing with the rest of what he earns, more secrecy can mean many different things but I would rather not speculate
Re: Stealing from husband's money !
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Re: Stealing from husband's money !
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Re: Stealing from husband's money !
proto I am sorry that you are going through all this! But your husband needs to realize it now before it is too late.
Can you get your income fixed deposit somewhere? Or take a break from working. No income hence no spending on households.
As you have already mentioned he is earning good being occupied at 3 places. He should start contributing before it is too late.
Re: Stealing from husband's money !
Proto, I would suggest you guys to consider immigration. Consider, for example, the US. Most surgeons earn at least $200,000 plus (after completing a few years of residency), and even physicians in less specialized fields earn at least $100,000 after finishing residency. Since your husband is an assistant professor of surgery with a government job and private practice, he doesn't sound like a slacker so passing the USMLE should not be too hard for him.
I am suggesting immigration because perhaps he feels compelled to hoard all the money he can because finances are tight and he is not earning too much at present. Or at least not earning as much as he feels he should. In a different country, once there is somewhat financial security, he may become less reluctant to spend money on your family. At the very least, your kids will have a great future thanks to mostly very nice (and free) public schools, in-state tuition in world-class public universities, and, hopefully a few years down the road, great future careers of their own too, especially if they follow their father's footsteps and choose medicine or something else in sciences or engineering.
Plus, no political instability (or load shedding!), and very little crime and other social ills like nepotism mean that a country like the US is a great place for your family. Think about it.
Re: Stealing from husband's money !
koi ilaj nahi .. he wont change .. so u wait for the time .. you will get as much as written for u so don't think twice spending on ur kids .. qabar mai koi nahi le k jata .. one should enjoy his life along with his close ones .. and as u said he is a doc .. he must be earning 2/3x than u ... strange .. i am still feeling so sad about it. May you get the best reward for it in both lives. Keep up the good work u r doing.Your kids and family peace is the biggest thing.
Re: Stealing from husband's money !
I'd try and get him to look at verses: 3:180, 17:29, 57:24, 92:8. Perhaps, you both could reflect on those verses together, and figure out where you stand. In my opinion, he's not even doing the bare minimum, if he is unwilling to pay for children's tuition expenses. It's generally difficult to change people like this. :( I'd give it a try though.
Re: Stealing from husband's money !
Wow. I guess everyone is tested with different issues in each marriage. Money wise my husbands great. Never asked about prices or money ive taken so much money from him he has no idea nor does he ask if its gone.
Proto- check bank statements. But have u asked why hes never told u? I know many couples who dnt really discuss r tell each oter their incomes. Doesnt make sense though.
Re: Stealing from husband’s money !
I feel so bad for you. He isn’t fullfilling his responsibility as a spouse. Just because your earning doesn’t mean he drains you financially. Yes if he was a stay at home dad then you being the bread winner made sense but just because u have a sucessful business doesn’t mean ur burdened/lumped with everything.
Sad thing is men like him know that the children are your life so even if he stops everything , you will move mountains & do whatever it takes to give them everything.
And this makes them care free about their responsibility. I hope your sons if you have any dont feel this is correct and model themselves on their dad’s behaviour when they get married.
Re: Stealing from husband's money !
You never know how one spouse changes after marriage. your future husband can demand that your earnings be put in a joint account, or that you pay for your things, he will pay for his. Sadly, it happens all the time.
Many husbands/wives believe their spouse would/could never treat them in such a manner, no matter how well you know them.
In answer to your question, no, one does not have to get approval from the other party in order to withdraw from a joint account.
I think that question was directed to eastern11. My future hubby knows way better than to "demand" anything of me because it ain't happening if he does. We've always discussed everything through rationally, I'm his equal and he is mine (that's how we see it). All our income will go into a joint account under my name because I work for a bank so I don't pay any fees and all that (which can add up to a lot)
Have you and fiance already discussed how finances will work after marriage?
Yep.
Re: Stealing from husband's money !
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Re: Stealing from husband's money !
whats with the all the edited posts??? this thread is incomprehensible.....lock it or delete it something.
Re: Stealing from husband's money !
And this is why my parents always taught me to stand on my own two feet and never quit my job... but then again my fiancee would never treat me like a kid with an allowance.
If it's joint, does he have to get approval from you as well to withdraw?
No, he doesn't have to get an approval esp. because he earns the money. As for quitting your job, well, you have to quit your job after you move to another country and maybe wait for years until you are legally authorized to work depending on your visa status. Plus isn't it sad that you should have to work just because you don't trust your partner enough, instead of because you want to further your career. But I agree its the truth. people change and even if you have talked about everything before marriage, about whether you wanted to work or not work, its not essential that the other party also upholds his/ her part of the bargain.
When my husband was my fiancee I never thought he would do certain things, like --ever! But people do change and not always for the best.