Staying together *just* for the sake of the kids..

[Pepsi_ki_Botal]

Re: Staying together just for the sake of the kids..

It doesn’t take Einstein to figure out that your marriage isn’t going well.

1. STOP having more kids.

2. sort out your issues, then separate or live in a good marriage–proceed to have kids.

Sadly, most people don’t even think of all this, like they have no option but to have kids. deleted just piles on.

[Deeba1234]

Re: Staying together just for the sake of the kids..

Don’t a lot of elders believe having a baby (if u don’t already) is the best way to cement a shaky marriage

[Pepsi_ki_Botal]

Re: Staying together just for the sake of the kids..

it probably just cements the path to an unhappy life.

[Niksik]

Re: Staying together just for the sake of the kids..

@Deeba1234

Good or bad?

And in which situations do you think it’s ok or not ok to do it..

I think every situation is different. I just think every couple should try to make their marriage work but if everything fails, hmmm, we know divorce is an option. How hard one really tries…only they know and God knows.

[Reha]

Re: Staying together just for the sake of the kids..

@Khalil KhaaN FaaKhta

divorce is being coward. Halaal cheezoN meN Allah ne ‘talaaq’ ko sab se ziyaada naa-pasand farmaayaa hai

The key word here is Halal. Divorce IS halal…na pasand does not mean haram. No one is happy to see a home break…but no one is happy in an unhappy home either. When He says Halal…He gives us the RIGHT to be happy and live our lives in sukoon.

Divorce is NOT being a coward KKF. Itni bari baat kehne pehle insaan ko das dafa sochna chahiye hai kyun ke humein nahin pata ke Allah swt humein kab aisi azmaish mein daldein. KOI bhi itna bara qadam khushi se nahin uthata hai…Allah ki narazgi, duniya ke tanay, logon ki buri nazrein, maan baap ka dil dukhana, ghar bigarna, court cases, custody battles, etc. Kaunsi duniya mein ye sab asaan hai jo aap kehrahe ho ke divorce is the easy way out? You think after a divorce people sit home happily thinking “yay, I don’t have to deal with that loser face again”? No…its not that easy unfortunately. You don’t get to just walk away.

Itna bara bol nahin boltay.

@Khalil KhaaN FaaKhta

in most cases divorce these days is an easy way out…u need courage to see black N white!!!..this is what you need to do…Allah has given us choice but also encouraged us to stay together as far as humanly possible…you do your BEST to keep the marriage intact but if all else fail, divorce with “Husn-e-sulook” … be nice to the lady in every possible way!!!

Of course families should stay together…again…there will never be a day when breaking a home up will be a good thing. Never.

But you have to keep in mind that fighting and getting abusive in front of your children does more harm than good. If a man treats his wife badly do you think its a good example to set in front of his daughters or his sons? If a woman treats his man badly, what kind of an example does that set for the children?

Is it right for little girls to see their mothers being treated badly? Is it right them to grow up thinking its okay for a man to be mean to them? Furthermore, is it right to teach this to our sons? To show them its acceptable to behave badly with women? You think abusive people just pop out of their mothers’ tummies that way? No, they see this in their homes.

I know a guy…he has a daughter who is about 7 years old. He is divorced…joint custody. He knows what divorce does to kids but that doesn’t stop him from being a good father. He wants to give her so much love that she grows up knowing and feeling it but he won’t subject her to a bad marriage between mom and dad.

Staying together for the sake of the kids can be a good thing and a bad thing. It varies from case to case. Sometimes its better to be together and sometimes its not.

[myasinkhan]

Re: Staying together just for the sake of the kids..

its good if you stay together for the kids but they should not feel the distance and negative emotions between you guys…as soon as they feel…u should be separate<< my view:cool:

[hareem01]

Re: Staying together just for the sake of the kids..

^agree. If your kids are getting effected 'cause of your bad marriage then there’s no point in staying together.

[Jolie]

Re: Staying together just for the sake of the kids..

Actually I know a case of baby mending a shaky marriage, parenthood somehow managed to bring the best out them.

[Rabiya19]

Re: Staying together just for the sake of the kids..

@Deeba1234

Anyway leaving religion aside in which of these situations do you think a woman with kids should stay with her husband:

1. He treats her well in every other way but has a one-night stand..

2. He treats her well in every other way but has cheated long-term..

**3. He’s never violent but is verbally/emotionally abusive
**
4. He has hit her once or twice but says it’ll never happen again..

I wouldn’t be surprised if half the marriages are surviving with this situation…

[Sara516]

Re: Staying together just for the sake of the kids..

@Jolie

Actually I know a case of baby mending a shaky marriage, parenthood somehow managed to bring the best out them.

A case…not necessarily true for everyone..although I know of couples who say their relationships improved alot more after having kids…although there were no serious issues beforehand…

its still a pretty huge risk to take, to have a baby to “save” the marriage…

[Jolie]

Re: Staying together just for the sake of the kids..

@Sara516

A case…not necessarily true for everyone..although I know of couples who say their relationships improved alot more after having kids…although there were no serious issues beforehand…

its still a pretty huge risk to take, to have a baby to “save” the marriage…

I never said its necessarily true for everyone! The point is that the other side of coin does exist, things are not as hopeless and black and white as some people here suggest. Its a two way street, there are plenty of seemingly normal marriages that become bitter sham union without the presence of children.

[KayZ]

Re: Staying together just for the sake of the kids..

@Deeba1234

Good or bad?

And in which situations do you think it’s ok or not ok to do it..

after marriage or without getting married, i am confused

[Deeba1234]

Re: Staying together just for the sake of the kids..

^After marriage.. when you’re in a bad marriage..

[Decent_6Chora]

Re: Staying together just for the sake of the kids..

I dont know if its good or bad but God forbid, if I have to, I will.

[Muzna]

Re: Staying together just for the sake of the kids..

worth repeating…

@Reha

The key word here is Halal. Divorce IS halal…na pasand does not mean haram. No one is happy to see a home break…but no one is happy in an unhappy home either. When He says Halal…He gives us the RIGHT to be happy and live our lives in sukoon.

Divorce is NOT being a coward KKF. Itni bari baat kehne pehle insaan ko das dafa sochna chahiye hai kyun ke humein nahin pata ke Allah swt humein kab aisi azmaish mein daldein. KOI bhi itna bara qadam khushi se nahin uthata hai…Allah ki narazgi, duniya ke tanay, logon ki buri nazrein, maan baap ka dil dukhana, ghar bigarna, court cases, custody battles, etc. Kaunsi duniya mein ye sab asaan hai jo aap kehrahe ho ke divorce is the easy way out? You think after a divorce people sit home happily thinking “yay, I don’t have to deal with that loser face again”? No…its not that easy unfortunately. You don’t get to just walk away.

Itna bara bol nahin boltay.

Of course families should stay together…again…there will never be a day when breaking a home up will be a good thing. Never.

But you have to keep in mind that fighting and getting abusive in front of your children does more harm than good. If a man treats his wife badly do you think its a good example to set in front of his daughters or his sons? If a woman treats his man badly, what kind of an example does that set for the children?

Is it right for little girls to see their mothers being treated badly? Is it right them to grow up thinking its okay for a man to be mean to them? Furthermore, is it right to teach this to our sons? To show them its acceptable to behave badly with women? You think abusive people just pop out of their mothers’ tummies that way? No, they see this in their homes.

I know a guy…he has a daughter who is about 7 years old. He is divorced…joint custody. He knows what divorce does to kids but that doesn’t stop him from being a good father. He wants to give her so much love that she grows up knowing and feeling it but he won’t subject her to a bad marriage between mom and dad.

Staying together for the sake of the kids can be a good thing and a bad thing. It varies from case to case. Sometimes its better to be together and sometimes its not.

[redvelvet]

Re: Staying together just for the sake of the kids..

^Agree with many of the above points. Most people go into a marriage with the intention of making it work and last. Most people WANT their kids to have a complete family (with both parents). And I think that most single parens know how challenging it is do much of the raising on your own.

Yes, religion emphasizes focusing on the positive, having patience/tolerance, respect, and forgiveness in a marriage. But sometimes a marriage can be so toxic that there’s greater relief (for several parties) in the couple’s separation. Allah has allowed divorce…but he has FORBIDDEN oppression.

[diamond321]

Re: Staying together just for the sake of the kids..

@redvelvet

Allah has allowed divorce…but he has FORBIDDEN oppression.

The above is just a one line statement but if only people start understanding it and start practising life would become so much better.