Re: Staying in a volatile marriage…divorce rate going up
Would you want your child, son or daughter, learning that it is okay to let people abuse you? Because that is the example you set when you tolerate abuse “for the sake of the family.” They lose respect for you and become tolerant of abusive behavior toward themselves. There’s also a suggestion that witnessing abuse leads children to develop narcissistic tendencies (their empathy for the victim ends up getting wasted because the victim is so accepting of the abuse and they learn to switch off their empathy for others, leading to all sorts of personality and mental health issues).
Re: Staying in a volatile marriage…divorce rate going up
If desi women tend to never utter or think of divorce unless it is because of extreme reasons that will not change, why is the divorce rate going up amongst desis then?
I’m constantly hearing desis complaining about the divorce rate going up amongst desis and how it’s so sad. I see it in threads here. Why would desis seek divorce unless it was because of something extremely painful?
Re: Staying in a volatile marriage…divorce rate going up
I think it has to do with ‘progressing’ times. Back in the day, when people got married, they stayed married even if they were miserable because they were forced, due to family pressure, society, etc. Now people don’t think like that or put up with that. If it works, great. If not, no one wants to waste their life with the wrong person.
Can’t really say if it’s a bad thing. When i was younger I used to think my parents’ generation had it easier, everything just seemed so simple for them. As I grew older, I realized decades back people faced the same problems couples do today. But it wasn’t the norm to speak up or stand up for yourself. It shattered my illusion of the perfect life all these elders had, and sometimes I’m just incredibly sad the way some people spent their entire lives.
Re: Staying in a volatile marriage…divorce rate going up
Why are you focused only on desi women? Desi men don’t file for divorces?
Society as a whole has changed. There is a new generation of desis (men AND women) who were born/raised in the western countries who are now in their 20’s/30’s and do not view divorce the same way our parents/grandparents generation viewed it back in Pakistan/India etc. Being divorced today doesn’t carry the same stigma as it did 50 years ago. Many women today are also educated and capable of financially supporting themselves.
What’s “extreme” is subjective. Many desis get divorced today b/c they’re unhappy. Even if there is not abuse/cheating etc. going on…many get divorced b/c they realized after marriage that they’re not compatible, their own values/future plans don’t match that of their spouse, there are too many arguments in the home, drama with in-laws whatever. Decades ago people stayed married b/c they felt they HAD to. They did not want to feel like an outlaw in the community and for many women, lack of education/job opportunity meant they were 100% dependent on the husband for money. You may not have a problem spending the next 40 years of your life sharing a bed with a spouse who you don’t love or feel attracted to…but that doesn’t mean other women (and men) feel that same way. There are people out there who want a spouse that actually makes them happy…who they actually want to spend time with and grow old with. Due to society’s view changing and women having more options…many out there don’t feel the need to spend life in a unhappy marriage.
Re: Staying in a volatile marriage…divorce rate going up
Saalam2k14, even if a marriage isn’t abusive is it such a bad thing if men and women simply want to be in happy and satisfying marriages, rather than just going thru the motions?
My brother and his ex divorced after 3/4 years of marriage.. there was no abuse or infidelity involved, his wife just wasn’t happy.. A lot of people told my Mum “you should try and convince her to stay” but my Mum’s attitude (rightly imo) was that a partner shouldn’t need to be convinced, he or she should WANT to stay with the other person.. They had a personality clash, my ex-sil wanted to live away and enjoy herself whilst he was more of a homebody and more conservative.. They probably could have stayed married if they had to (like in the old days) but I can’t imagine it being a happy or satisfying relationship.. My brother had become quiet and withdrawn, he’d turned into a shell of what he used to be and my Mum could see the marriage was taking away from his life rather than adding something positive to it..
Where injuries = # of cuts + bruises + tearful occasions + sleepless nights.+ nights spend alone
t = time in years; t > 0.25 years (to avoid division by very small number)
w1 + w2 = 0
