Staying in a volatile marriage...divorce rate going up

[s_mk]

Re: Staying in a volatile marriage…divorce rate going up

@strangeworld

I believe in most of the cases it’s never known and the guy has an affair. Guys are good at that so what do you’ve to say in that regard?

As far as men in general are concerned there are many different types of men out there.

1- Who are satisfied with one woman/wife and sustain and carry on the relationship/marriage.

2- Who don’t feel satisfied with one woman/wife but still sustain and carry on the relationship/marriage.

3- Who are satisfied initially with a woman/wife but later on feel the urge to have more but still sustain and carry on the relationship/marriage.

4- Who are not satisfied with one woman/wife even on the initial stage and seek for more and usually don’t carry on the relationship/marriage.

5- Who are partially satisfied but seek more but still sustain and carry on the relationship/marriage.

6- Who are partially satisfied but don’t carry on the relationship/marriage.

There can be more of such kind.

Men are volatile and that’s a bitter truth. On the other hand women are more emotionally stable and loyal.

As far as making relationship work is concerned it depends on what is the stage of your relationship/marriage at that given time. If you’re a mother of kids and your husband cheats on you then your options are different than of a woman who doesn’t have kids.

Same applies to the men.

Next thing is what matters to you and what not. There are women who don’t even like their husbands having a simple conversation with another woman and there are women who don’t mind their husbands going out with their female colleagues.

Same applies to men.

When someone cheats it’s his/her matter with Allah. As far as your relationship with that person is concerned you need to see what happened in details in order to take the final decision. As I said men are volatile and in some cases men are seduced and led to stuff like that by other women in their social circles but sometimes men go for it by themselves.

The core of cheating is always dissatisfaction. And more than sometimes the responsibility goes to the woman/wife.

The example you gave of the woman who’s still married to her cheating husband is her personal choice or her circumstances didn’t helped/allowed her to take any extreme measures. The reasons could be many but in our desi societies once a woman is married and have kids her options of going back to being single again and then having a new marriage are really difficult practically speaking. Many women in such cases chose to be silent and die with in themselves which is really sad.

The reason of such problems is men’s exposure but most of all the way they were created. Men were created to have more than one women naturally speaking. And the modern world’s idea of giving men only one woman is the biggest cause of this problem.

I know how I might be sounding to a lot of people right now but that’s a fundamental reality either digest it or puke it choice is yours. Men who stay loyal to a single woman they really deserve an award but men who don’t they’re basically following their natural instincts and it also depends upon how much sexual a man is.

There have been many cases where women themselves admit that they can’t satisfy their men/husbands. In addition to that women now a days try to control the relationship and specially the intimate part of the relationship which is also a big reason of men cheating.

And please don’t call anyone stupid if they’re doing something because that’s their choice if you’d want to get divorce in that scenario nobody would stop you and you can totally do that. But you need to understand the fact that situations/circumstances change/affect your decisions.

And the last part which is the abusive part of a relationship again you need to see what’s the cause. If a person is abusive from the very first day then it’s a deal breaker. But if that person later on the relationship/marriage became abusive then both of the parties need to be interrogated thoroughly.

I have seen men who cheated but felt sorry and meant it and they never did that again. You need to know what is your flexibility and how much you value your relationship knowing the fact that you’re married to a creature which were created to seed and are extremely volatile and unstable.

@strangeworld

I think women are the most beautiful thing in the world and I find them not less attractive than a flower but the sad truth is women don’t act like a flower. You see in modern world women have absorbed too much men psyche, lifestyle, communications and freedom which at the end of the day causes troubles for who? For women obviously.

A thing which I call a pure woman trust me no man would ever hurt her in anyway. But what a man is supposed to do when she’s not acting like a woman?

The main cause of any sort of marriage related problems I believe is less woman-ism in a woman. It’s a very big concept and I hope I’d be able to elaborate that sometime in future but not right now.

Plus I think chances depend on your past, your mentality and eventually your faith as a Muslim. Your past generates your future.

If a girl is cocky, confident, sharp, resilient, argumentative, demanding, smart, or in simple words someone nobody can catch. Do you really think a man would be able to adjust with her?

That’s never going to happen because men are all that already and they don’t want someone having same attributes as their life partner rather totally opposite which is called a woman. Who can be smart and intelligent and all those things but in a totally different way/perspective.

You see the problem is in the basics. Let the man be the man and you stay a woman it’s more attractive and working trust me.

But that’s not happening at all, a new hot topic of the current times ‘Feminism’, really? How many feminist women are happily married out there?

I believe when we don’t follow what’s right then there are problems. Just one very simple example.

Allah told us to marry kids at younger age. We people decided to wait until they get a career, a car, a house and the girl gets her PHD and stuff.

Now what happens in all that time?

Chances are girl would have an affair where if the guy is nice he’d just play with her from the outside and if the guy’s a player he’d take her most important thing.

What happens after that?

The girl becomes a woman yet single. Now she isolates herself, thinks and develop some ideologies in her heart. All those ideologies carry with her til the day she eventually gets married.

Now what happens after that?

She acts differently then she should be acting with her husband. She gave something in the past now she expects to take things from his husband because she thinks that’s the right way, shes demanding, controlling, argumentative etc.

I believe the natural ideal flow of married relationships is;

Men want to have things first then give things back. And it includes everything really, love, respect, care etc. But in real life women want to have things first and then give something back.

Technically speaking a man is not feeling good about the marriage neither the woman because both are expecting at the same time.

This causes confusion, arguments, dissatisfaction, verbal abuse and worse.

I feel extremely sad for all those women who encounter abuse, cheating and other problems in their married life. But just try to imagine one simple thing. Can anything bad happen to a person who isn’t bad, wasn’t bad? Allah says no it won’t happen.

But you’ve many examples where bad things happen to good women, the reason is nobody likes to go back and digg the past.

If I’ve been sleeping with women all my life and now I expect my wife to be loyal with me that’s not going to happen because I don’t deserve that. That’s just one thing.

I’ve seen sister in laws been mean to their new bhabhis, so do you think those girls deserve or think they’ll be fine when they’ll get married?

You get what you plant. Women forget that and that’s the biggest problem with women. They do ****ty things to other women throughout their lives and those things come back to them later in life in different ways and shapes and then they think I didn’t do anything wrong why this is happening to me.

Tiny little things and details make a man graceful and tiny little things and details make a woman lady. Our behaviors as a human being with others specially when we get our senses together as we grow up define rest of our lives.

I respect and appreciate women from the bottom of my heart more than anyone else trust me and the reason I’m writing this much is because I want to help them here and if anything I said can make a difference in someone’s life I don’t expect anything in return.

Coming back to your points again.

What winterfireflies said is right in many ways but is that the best option for a woman? I would say no.

One very important thing women don’t realize is the difference between when a man has sex for the first time vs a woman has sex for the first time.

Both are totally different things, women can’t be alone after that. They simply can’t. On the other hand men can and they’ve different options available, I know that might sound like a very weird thing but that’s a strange fact.

So if a woman decides to leave or have the kids and gets a divorce, what happens after that?

She’s not going to get married again easily in most of the cases which means she’s going to have a more ****ty phase in her life then what she had before. And if she has the kids she won’t be able to raise them well because she’s psychologically damaged, extremely hurt and physically alone.

It’s sad to say but it’s not a lie that many such women have affairs with younger men later in their lives if they don’t get married again.

You can not deny the importance of fatherhood, the way it damages a child nothing else damages a child’s character and grooming like that. Plus there are financial issues and that’s a big topic in it’s own.

That’s why women take a big deep breath with pain in their hearts and carry on with that douche-bag.

Allah says I don’t put more burden on anyone’s shoulder then the amount/weight they could handle. This one is a very tricky thing and we need to understand what it means.

It means whatever that woman is going through is something she can handle which means if some things are changed her husband can be fine or a tad better and it’s a gradual process for those psycho husbands. Here actual smartness and intelligent of a woman should work but at this point she’s totally empty in terms of wisdom and intelligence and her all confidence is gone when she needs it the most.

I’ve seen many cases where husbands become a very nice person after a terrible phase of married life.

One other reason is that in our miserable societies men expect way more than a woman can offer to him as a wife which is very sad and a very big reason of most of the verbal and physical abuse. Things like money from wife’s family and many other cheap things like that.

God I’m tired

WOW strangeworld, you’re so wise. Just wondering, are you married?