Double edged sword lady, I have seen it backfire because if Islamic guidelines from any source are used regarding separate house, other Islamic guidelines from the same source on duty and behavior of wife and obligations of the dude towards his parents could come up as well.
Re: Staying at a hotel instead of MIL’s house during visit?
The obligations and duties are clearly outlined, “Husn-ul-khulook” being polite and having good character. Other than that there is no other Islamic obligation to in-laws. Prophet Muhammad sas did not let his daughter stay with her in laws, she had separate housing.
Re: Staying at a hotel instead of MIL’s house during visit?
indeed…but I clearly was speaking of the son’s obligations to his parents..and wife’s obligations to her husband, as well as her behavior, dressing etc etc. Read again…
Staying at a hotel instead of MIL's house during visit?
Where do your inlaws live? Dogs and cats in the house??? I dislike pets immensely!!! Cleanliness is next to godliness!
Re: Staying at a hotel instead of MIL's house during visit?
indeed...but I clearly was speaking of the son's obligations to his parents..and wife's obligations to her husband, as well as her behavior, dressing etc etc. Read again...
This and the housing issue don't have to overlap and obligations in marriage go two ways..
Ours seems to be the only culture which interprets 'care for your parents' as 'live in their home forever'.. even if there isn't enough space or privacy..
Also, when it comes to how women behave etc. many of the rules also apply to men (but again you'd never guess from culture).. If a husband has a problem with his wife being in a mixed environment or having friends of the opposite sex he should also stop doing those things himself (how many actually do?).. Most wives don't expect things from their husbands which they don't do themselves..
Re: Staying at a hotel instead of MIL's house during visit?
This and the housing issue don't have to overlap and obligations in marriage go two ways..
1) sons obligations and housing issue dont 'have' to overlap, but they often can. If there is financial support needed by the parents then what can be afforded by the son decreases, so instead of the semi detached in the posh postal code, you get a basement flat in a so so place. The responsibility is to provide for a house.
2) obligations go two ways indeed, never said they did not. But the one bringing up rights by a certain code must be willing to then field all obligations by the same code as well.
Ours seems to be the only culture which interprets 'care for your parents' as 'live in their home forever'.. even if there isn't enough space or privacy..
actually the other part applies as well, where sons get their own house and then ask their parents to live with them as they are older and need more help.
space and privacy is relative anyways.
Also, when it comes to how women behave etc. many of the rules also apply to men (but again you'd never guess from culture).. If a husband has a problem with his wife being in a mixed environment or having friends of the opposite sex he should also stop doing those things himself (how many actually do?).. Most wives don't expect things from their husbands which they don't do themselves..
Sure agreed 100%, but the one who wants rights as dictated by islam, must also be willing to have her actions dictated by the same guidelines regardless of what the husband does. I see your point that it is hypocritical for one to expect someone to follow guidelines that one does not follow himself...that is debatable because if that standard is demanded by the wife then whether or not her husband follows the rest of it, she should. My point is that is is even more hypocritical for someone who wants rights by any standard but then would not want to abide by the same standard where it does not suit her.
But thats for religious people to figure out, I prefer common sense, decency, civility and maturity over tossing hadeeth out, and that is why I mentioned that it can backfire as I have seen it backfire before. You dont need to convince me since these sort of topics dont become 'issues' for me.
Re: Staying at a hotel instead of MIL's house during visit?
If you are so worried about their feelings (and rightly so), take one step ahead and spend that night at their place. Its good that you are willing to forgo your one night comfort for their pleasure. It never hurts to save other's feeling from getting hurt.
Talk to your husband about hygiene/cleanliness issue. Ask him to communicate this to his parents. If he can talk about his future living plans with this parents, I am sure he has guts to talk about this too as this is pretty genuine issue.
Re: Staying at a hotel instead of MIL's house during visit?
...plus walk around in those sock/slipper things and your feet will never have to touch the carpet.
pack your own pillows and bedsheets if you want to as well.
but it really is the husband's responsibility to say no to his folks if you guys decide that a hotel is better.
Re: Staying at a hotel instead of MIL's house during visit?
How is it against Islam against to live with inlaws?
Re: Staying at a hotel instead of MIL's house during visit?
Yeah thats right, in 'other' cultures majority of Muslim women are also perfectly comfortable with their husband taking multiple wives (upto four basically), why no one is bothered wailing about desi culture over this? Coz we'd rather kill ourselves and husbands than let him to remarry which is clearly permitted by Islam unlike living with or against inlaws....
Coming back to the original post? All that fuss and stress for just two days long stay? Seriously? Considering majority of the time from those two days you would spend attending some wedding function.....does it really worth the drama?
Re: Staying at a hotel instead of MIL’s house during visit?
^It’s really only one or two cultures where it’s common for men to take multiple wives (but I’d hardly say they’re ‘perfectly comfortable’ with it) and in those cultures divorce holds little stigma for a woman so it’s common for them to remarry..
Living with inlaws is against Islam if there are other sons living in the home as well.. In other situations it’s not against Islam but is discouraged (unless there is enough space + privacy)..
Info here:
Why Do All Your Answers About Living With In-Laws Encourage People To Move Out And Get A Place
Marriage and islamic teachings about living with in-laws
A Wife’s Right to Housing Separate From Her In-Laws and Others
Good for those who are fine with living with inlaws but those who don’t shouldn’t be made out to be selfish or ‘difficult’..
Re: Staying at a hotel instead of MIL's house during visit?
Again, unnecessary and toxic wording to spread dicontent. There is nothing in Quran or a direct saying by Prophet Muhammad pbuh that says no do not live with your inlaws it is "against" Allah, some girls and boys make it sound like as if its some kabreeha gunnah or a totally haram act....it is perfectly fine to live with inlaws if you follow the rules of pardah and it is also perfectly fine to live seperately if one is able to afford it and his parents are happy with it.
No matter what the google earch button says, Islam really has no hard or fast rule on this matter.
Re: Staying at a hotel instead of MIL's house during visit?
Meh its one night that you won't even in the house for the majority of... Even I'd bite the bullet and stay at their house. While I agree it should be your husband's decision since it's his parents, you could sway him to stay there to avoid future repercussions.
Staying at a hotel instead of MIL's house during visit?
I can completely understand your plight Mano. Completely.
but Since we are discussing Islamic guidelines in relation to this scenario, am I the only one thinking this ? but when was it okay to have dogs in your home, especially where you pray? I thoughts dogs were considered najis? And of so, then how does any Islamic argument apply?
Re: Staying at a hotel instead of MIL’s house during visit?
:k:
Re: Staying at a hotel instead of MIL's house during visit?
Funny that on one hand people suggesting to lie (allergy stuff) to the in-laws and on the other hand people referring to Islamic injunctions on it!
Why do we only have to care for only the rights offered by Islam, our culture and culture of the place we live in?
When it comes to obligations under desi culture ---> they are not Islamic.
When it comes to obligations under Islam ----> they are not compatible with the country I live in
When it comes to obligations under the adopted culture ---> they contradict our Pakistani values
and someone with the following signature writes an essay about having to spend a night at not-so-hygienic room her husband used to live in:
If your pride leads you to boast,you will be doubly guilty,
because your intelligence will have shown that it is incapable of controlling your pride.
*- Ibn Hazm *
Re: Staying at a hotel instead of MIL's house during visit?
Funny that on one hand people suggesting to lie (allergy stuff) to the in-laws and on the other hand people referring to Islamic injunctions on it!
Why do we only have to care for only the rights offered by Islam, our culture and culture of the place we live in?
When it comes to obligations under desi culture ---> they are not Islamic. When it comes to obligations under Islam ----> they are not compatible with the country I live in When it comes to obligations under the adopted culture ---> they contradict our Pakistani values
and someone with the following signature writes an essay about having to spend a night at not-so-hygienic room her husband used to live in:
If your pride leads you to boast,you will be doubly guilty, because your intelligence will have shown that it is incapable of controlling your pride. *- Ibn Hazm *
Welp. I gotta say this is the smartest thing I've probably ever read on these boards.
Re: Staying at a hotel instead of MIL's house during visit?
Its only for a night. I'm sure it won't be that bad that you can't stay over for a night. He's the only son, it would be heartwrecking to see your only son whose in town after so long, stay at a hotel. Walking out of your confort zone for a night shouldn't be that tough.
Re: Staying at a hotel instead of MIL's house during visit?
I agree it's only for one night!
You will always be the scapegoat, same old story, never changes.
Re: Staying at a hotel instead of MIL's house during visit?
I agree it's only for one night! You will always be the scapegoat, same old story, never changes.
and why do it only to avoid being the scapegoat?
why not do it because it's the right thing to do?