I really want to do everything in my power for my kids, shower them with love & attention as well as buy the whole world for them (which I can’t but still… you get what I mean). Sometimes, I go out of my way to do things for my daughter, then I think I shouldn’t, maybe I’m spoiling her. Then again I think why shouldn’t I… she’s my baby after all and she’s going to grow older soon and I will not be able to spoil her any more.
Example: My daughter had a pajama party in her class and we didn’t know since she has been home all week and she got all sad when she saw all the kids dressed up in their pajamas, so I went to the nearest Target in my lunch break and bought pajamas for her and went to school and gave them to her. She was ecstatic but then I thought, maybe I shouldn’t have done that, it was not a big deal to not be in pajamas, right.
I remember my dad using up his savings to buy me a computer when the PCs first came out just because I asked him to and he didn’t want to say no, that didn’t spoil me at all. So maybe buying my daughter all these toys and electronic gadgets is okay… I don’t know :hinna:
I want to know your opinions on where do you draw a line when it comes to doing things for your kids?
Oh I am completely into spoiling my daughters. Off course we try our best (and doing it quite successfully alhamdulillah) to raise them with good values that also means not to splurge their money (my daughter saves her allowance and gives it away in Mosque School. The kids collection is partly supporting an orphanage in Afghanistan). But over all, if they ask me to buy something for them, its as good as done. Sometimes we like them to earn that and ask them to do this or that first and then we will reward them, but for most of the part, we ended up rewarding them for their effort and not for the results (which means they almost always get what they asked for :D) ...
One simple philosophy for us is that when they ask for something, our answer is never ever 'oh we cannot afford that'. I dont want my kids to be raised with that mind set.
Awww...sweet posts. although i don't have kids yet, and even when i do in a few months they'll be too young to know what they have/don't have, i think i'll be more on the strict side. when they get older, i don't want them thinking that they deserve all those extra gifts and everything they desire simply because they're not out drinking or smoking etc. i mean i'd want them to know that being a good, productive member of society is expected of them whether they get rewarded for it in material terms or not.
i can't stand the 13 yr olds who will fight with their parents if they refuse to get them blackberries or iphones or hair straightners or PS3s the second these things are out on the market. its like a kid should know that his or her worth in the world is not determined by how uptodate his phone/laptop/other gadgets are and its DEFINITELY not his/her birthright to have the newest technology especially when they don't know how to use the technology productively anyway.
both my nephews want Nintendo DSI really really bad.. but my sister refuse to buy it for them and wont let anyone else get it for them either.. her thing is that they have to earn it and to get DSI they have to finish Quran first.. i was trying to be sneaky and bought it for my nephew on his birthday but she made me return it :(
I really feel for them when i see them looking at other kids playing on their dsi with hasrat bhari nazray..
MIAinVA I so see myself doing the same thing for my kids as you did for your daughter.. the smile, excitement on their face is priceless and its so worth it .. I dont think you are doing anything wrong.. its when kids turn into brats, start doing batameezi, taking back and demanding things is when you should worry and re evaluate your parenting :)
My daughter is aksing for DSI also as she saw one of her friends has it .. My wife says you will get it for your Bday but because her Bday is few months away, I dont see myself waiting that long … although I am trying to convice her to get out of that wish as she already has wii and ps2 and psp .. plus I want to buy her an Ipad for her B’day … she is in reading and I want her to use Ipad as ebook plus all other fun stuff.
haha, TLK… you are totally spoiling your princesses I’m like you. I do all the spoiling and my husband puts his foot down and doesn’t let me splurge too much so hopefully we will be able to balance it out :).
maybe its the daughter factor. I see that once they got married, I dont know if their hubby is going to spoil them or not (actually cant stand a though of that) .. so I try to do for them whatever I can to compensate for that unknown.
^Why are you thinking of their hubbies spoiling them?
You should adopt my dad’s strategy… they should stand on their own feet and earn enough to spoil themselves … like I do
Anyways, I feel better after reading the replies here so I will continue spoiling her I guess
It might not been a big deal to you but to her it was, and such things that u do for your kids is more important than buying a cool gadget. I bet she will remember this gesture of you all her life.
^ I doubt it, she’s only four years old
But yeah, I felt good doing that but was having second thoughts later, that am I spoiling her by raising her expectations that mommy will always be there for me… I don’t know, these days I’m so emotional and keep thinking weird things… a side effect of pregnancy I guess. Rational thoughts tau aati hee nahin
I will be a strict mama, I can tell you guys that. I don't have kids yet but I am already a pretty stiff and hey since I didn't get it ... and I worked for it.. earned it.. you have to too. There is no way my kids will get everything they ask for. NO WAY at all. I earned everything myself and so I know how hard things are earned. I appreciate my parents for raising us this way and showing us the value of every penny my dad earned.
I am not thrifty at all. I spend like anything but I feel like I earned it and I have the right to spend it.
Its okay to buy your kids good expensive things every once in a while so they don't feel left out or think that my parents say no to everything.. but I personally think giving everything they ask for will definitely spoil your child.
I will be a strict mama, I can tell you guys that. I don't have kids yet but I am already a pretty stiff and hey since I didn't get it ... and I worked for it.. earned it.. you have to too. There is no way my kids will get everything they ask for. NO WAY at all. I earned everything myself and so I know how hard things are earned. I appreciate my parents for raising us this way and showing us the value of every penny my dad earned.
I am not thrifty at all. I spend like anything but I feel like I earned it and I have the right to spend it.
Its okay to buy your kids good expensive things every once in a while so they don't feel left out or think that my parents say no to everything.. but I personally think giving everything they ask for will definitely spoil your child.
I used to be like that before I had kids, I was like no way am I going to buy everything for my kids but now....
You'll probably feel different once you become a mom :)
Oh I am completely into spoiling my daughters. Off course we try our best (and doing it quite successfully alhamdulillah) to raise them with good values that also means not to splurge their money (my daughter saves her allowance and gives it away in Mosque School. The kids collection is partly supporting an orphanage in Afghanistan). But over all, if they ask me to buy something for them, its as good as done. Sometimes we like them to earn that and ask them to do this or that first and then we will reward them, but for most of the part, we ended up rewarding them for their effort and not for the results (which means they almost always get what they asked for :D) ...
One simple philosophy for us is that when they ask for something, our answer is never ever 'oh we cannot afford that'. I dont want my kids to be raised with that mind set.
I feel like I am reading a blog written by me at some point.
I know exactly how you feel....and even the next post that you wrote about their husbands and Allah janay what their life may be like......the fear simply paralyzes me.
Yet I don't want her to believe that everything is easily available. I want her to know that it takes hard work to earn money and while she must not give importance to money she must always respect hard work. (This goes with the reward principle that you use.)
I have in the past used the "we cannot afford" reasoning but I've altered it to: "We cannot afford this right now" so that she can learn to save up for stuff. I've tried to use this to help her understand that everything money can buy is attainable.....if you plan and work towards it.
I spoil her by making and feeding her breakfast, helping her get dressed, cleaning her room with her, etc, etc....but I have already made sure that she is capable of doing it for herself.
man....this thread is making me cry today..... more later.
This Thread made me cry on very first day .. Missing my dad he used to buy me each n everything even when mom used to " mat leke den fazzol cheezo ka shoq hai isay " but dad always bought me things i asked for
Ammi Aboo May ALLAH bless both of you love you miss you
Our older one, when asks for stuff, almost always do it in the form of a wish. The other day we were driving somewhere during evening time and she looked at a bright star in the horizon and said ..mom, dad if I look at the star and wish for something, will it come true. Wife told her that you should do it in form of Dua and ask Allah Miyan for what you want. I lovingly said that ok why dont you wish for it and say inshallah at the end. We forced her to say it out loud although she was sure that the wish is not going to come true if she loudly speaks it. Turned out that she wanted a DS (handheld nintendo :D).
But somehow she is still trying to figure out the concept of how the money is earned and how it is spent. One day, we have a family day at my work place and we had some clowns and music band. I brought her there and till very recently, she was surprised that daddy get paid to watch clowns doing tricks at work (she does not know how true that is at so many different levels :D).
Anyhoo, if we ever tell her that baby this thing or that thing costs money, she gets very emotional and runs to her room and takes out all her cash that she saved so far (I think she has about $120.00 in her wallet right now) and insists that we take the money cause she cant tolerate the concept that her mom and dad dont have money.
She watches free kids shows using on demand feature of our cable and she knows how to do that. One day she went to some other menu and saw the new chipmunk movie. Thinking that its free, she hit the play button. Then she very excitingly ran to me to tell me that she found the chipmunk movie on demand. When I told her (laughingly) that she just rented a $4.99 movie, she literally started shaking and burst in tears saying sorry dad, I did not mean to, could you please return the movie dad, please. I dont want to waste your money.
I cannot tell you how hard it was for me to hold my tears at that time. I hugged her and told her not to worry and Allah Miyan gave daddy enough money to keep his kids happy (alhamdulillah). She still insisted that she is going to pay me for that. I asked her to pay me a quarter that she did
I am sorry, I did not want to write my life story here but Muzna you can imagine. We just cannot stop talking about our kids, its so difficult.
but then I thought, maybe I shouldn’t have done that, it was not a big deal to not be in pajamas, right.
… although I am trying to convice her to get out of that wish as she already has wii and ps2 and psp .. plus I want to buy her an Ipad for her B’day 
… she is in reading and I want her to use Ipad as ebook plus all other fun stuff.
.. Missing my dad he used to buy me each n everything even when mom used to " mat leke den fazzol cheezo ka shoq hai isay " but dad always bought me things i asked for 