Do we actually have an authentic "male" voice on this board? I'd like to know what do men think about women who get married to them knowing perfectly well about his financial situation or even the fact she would not get along with his family yet decide to go ahead with plan to live together only to make life difficult for her and himself? What do men think about women who purposely choose not to tell him about her desire to live miles away from his seemingly difficult family? I'd like to have male opinion on this matter.
I don't know what do you mean by ''authentic'' male voice...any male posting in life1 seems to get banned here.anyhow...to answer your question..1)what men think about women who get married to them knowing perfectly well about his financial situation or even the fact she would not get along with his family yet decide to go ahead with plan to live together only to make life difficult for her and himself? There are two things...first pressure from the family. Men get married because they are supposed to....most people , who marry through arranged route, don't think all that much and don't have dreams cooked up in their head like girls do. So they go ahead with it...moreover, there is no way to assess fully, the extent of the wife's ''ambitions''...some men think they will be able to fix/mould/subvert/convince/make her understand etc..and then there are those who are desperate to get laid.....so they marry any'thing' that comes their way.... What do men think about women who purposely choose not to tell him about her desire to live miles away from his seemingly difficult family?What do they think? they have been duped...they think those women are %$%##%..some try to make it work..most accept it as their fate.....and some can't take it and then break it off...
Authentic male voice? How would you even determine the authenticity or do you mean to say that you desire a serious male opinion and not a troll response? Is a “male” opinion even necessary?
How would any woman feel if the guy she married had given her a false impression of being on the same page with her about certain issues that may have been deal-breakers for her, but marries her with the intention of changing her or mind or using the marriage and possibly the consequences of a divorce as leverage in getting his way? She’d feel deceived, hurt, very frustrated, may even lose respect and trust. A guy in her position would feel the same way, even more so if she’s not making an effort.
^ What if the intentions were not to deceive but later they found out the situation wasn't working for them?
If a guy told his wife he wanted to live away from family, but later missed them too much? Is that considered deception?
What about a girl who wanted to live with inlaws but couldn't get along with them?
From my experience of watching the whole match making situ (arranged marriages) no one hardly mentions what the DIL will be doing after the marriage unlike my situation whereby it was brought up that I was raised in an environment where even Mehrem Uncles knocked on before entering a house so it was something that was asked for and was agreed to by my in-laws. They then reversed their decision.
So even if someone talks about it beforehand it's not always something that can be executed afterwards.
Personally though if someone arranges their child's marriage into a family where for example there are say three brothers and the older two are living with their parents and are married the girls family SHOULD ask what the set up will be for their daughter if they are aware of their daughters desire not to live in such circumstances.
I've seen a few families brush things like this under the carpet as they were simply looking for 'good family, educated boy' and married off their daughters without hesitation and said stuff like 'oh afterwards it can be fixed'. Erm how?
Before marriage most parents are so paranoid about their daughters spending a single night away from home but they don’t seem to care about where she’ll be living after marriage (or are too embarrassed to ask or scared the daughter will be rejected?)..
What jobs the boy’s uncles and aunts do or which village his grandparents come from is ok to talk about but not future living arrangements
I find it strange and quite scary to be honest. I think it’s important for a family to ask their child about what how they wish to move their relationship forward e.g. will they wish to work after marriage, will they wish to live in a joint family set up etc etc. However as I mentioned I’m aware of families that didn’t mention these vital subjects and yet it was because of fear of their daughter being rejected for being too ‘picky’.
I find it even stranger when people are able to decide if a relationship is compatable based on: caste, where the family originally came from and what the boys dad does for a living. That’s a different thread though if you want to start it Deeba!
Do we actually have an authentic "male" voice on this board? I'd like to know what do men think about women who get married to them knowing perfectly well about his financial situation or even the fact she would not get along with his family yet decide to go ahead with plan to live together only to make life difficult for her and himself? What do men think about women who purposely choose not to tell him about her desire to live miles away from his seemingly difficult family? I'd like to have male opinion on this matter.
I can give an opinion of what I've seen from an arranged setup--during the whole rishta process, both sides might behave differently. Looking at someone for rishta purposes, they'll behave a certain way, which may not be consistent much longer after the actual marriage has taken place. So being able to get along with the guy's family before and after are two different things. Even if the wife was willing to initially live with the in-laws, things can change, such as the arrival of another member in the family, like another brother's wife. Though she may have not had trouble getting along with his family as it was before they got married, the dynamics can change in such cases. Also, the guy's family could mislead the girl's family at rishta time, showing that they're really well off. But the financial commitments the guy has might result in her having to live with a standard less than what they led to expect. In any of the above circumstances, I couldn't fault her for wanting a separate place.
The one case where I would tell her to deal with it is if she wasn't deceived, then had one or more concerns but didn't bring it up when she had the chance to. She knew she had something to say but chose not to say it at the right time and then chose to complain later.
