So, I am engaged and so is my fiances sister. She is getting married before me though (this summer). The problem is, she and my mother in law have asked me to spend the night at their home the weekend of the wedding so that I could be there for everything. I thought it was so nice of them to ask me, but i think I shouldnt. What do you all think? There is going to be like 30 people staying at their house and their house is huge so I feel like it is ok. But I don’t know. Advice please!
Re: Spending night at inlaws
As long as your parents and you are okay with it, I don't think there's anything wrong with it. To prevent too much "talk," just make sure you are always "chaperoned," ideally near your MIL or someone else who would be seen as responsible.
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My parents are ok with it but i think they just feel bad saying no lol. i am the one who feels uncomfortable but since its a wedding such a happy occasion, i feel like they would be upset if i say no.
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Even my fiance thinks its weird for me to stay in his house before we get married even though I will barely be around him with all the hungama. Its funny that the younger ones are so much more conservative than the parents lol
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Hahaha. Because the older ones mind is in the right place and they trust you :-P
Anyways, go for it, and keep yourself busy helping the whole time.
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As already stated by Falak, his parents have enough respect/trust in you and their son to believe that you two will not do anything inappropriate while you're staying there.
I think its great that they want to include you 100% during this happy occasion. Its a great opportunity for you to bond with your future in-laws and build rapport. I think you and your fiance are making this complicated unnecessarily. His parents are ok with you staying there, your parents have given their permission.....baas, baat khatam. Stay there and have a blast. As as S02 suggested, just make sure you're always around your MIL or another elderly female (ie. do not be by yourself OR alone with your fiance).
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At the end of the day, we each have different comfort levels and you have to feel good with what you do. If you and your fiance feel uncomfortable even after your parents' blessings, then don't stay there.
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i dont think its a good idea ... especially before marriage.... stay ... ofcoarse u can go and spend all day but i dont think night is appropiate ... i think involving too much before shadi lose ur respect.... u can still involve in shadi in day time and get love from inlaws ..but in shadi wala ghar so many things going on ... lots of misunderstanding... happen ... i dont think u should be too involve tooo soon... thats my opinion and experience.... u do what u feeel is right
Spending night at inlaws
I don't think it's a good idea. It's ok to invite to ceremony but too much to ask you to stay. until you have Nikah with their son these things should not take place like staying over. It's great they want to include u and all but islamically you are not part of the family until nikkah .
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Agree with Nonie n Twinklestar. It's great that the OP's parents and in-laws approve, but the days of preparation leading up to a wedding are very hectic and people tend to be more stressed thus making it easier for misunderstandings to take place and tempers to flare. And the chance for people to wag their tongues and gossip and haaw haai aabout how a nikkah hasn't taken place and she's already spending the night, etc. The last thing you need is for the possibility of such gossip to come back and haunt you and your family at later point in the future. So, not a good idea. Op can still help without staying over.
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OP i don't think there is any harm in staying over at your in-laws when they have themselves asked you to.
in many families this is considered normal and in your case too sine they have invited you to spend the night at their place i assume this is considered normal in their family/khandan as well otherwise they wouldn't have invited you.
families belonging to communities such as Junagarhi, gujrati, memon, kachi, it is a norm that finances stay over for nights on happy occasions like shadi, mehndi,dholkis and on sad occasions alike. i belong to one such community and no one raise an eyebrow or say anything when fiances stay over on such occasions.
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I don’t think you should stay - for all the reasons nonie, twinkelstar and RV have said about there being a chance of gossip and miscommunication, but also personally to keep the moment you finally do spend the night with him special for yourself. It’s a great feeling that after your rukhsati you will go and spend your first night together as a married couple - if you’ve already done that in a shaadi wali ghar before your marriage, it kind of takes that magic away. I know, I know, you won’t be staying with each other, just in the same house - but still, I think it has an impact.
Before we got married my MIL asked my mum if she could take me along to a family party where all my in-laws including my then fiance were gonna be, and my mum said no for that reason, that I would have a chance to get to know in-laws properly after marriage, but before marriage it’s nice to have that distance, to make that first night together all the more special 
OP i don't think there is any harm in staying over at your in-laws when they have themselves asked you to. in many families this is considered normal and in your case too sine they have invited you to spend the night at their place i assume this is considered normal in their family/khandan as well otherwise they wouldn't have invited you.
families belonging to communities such as Junagarhi, gujrati, memon, kachi, it is a norm that finances stay over for nights on happy occasions like shadi, mehndi,dholkis and on sad occasions alike. i belong to one such community and no one raise an eyebrow or say anything when fiances stay over on such occasions.
My inlaws are kachi memon, and after our engagement my MIL would want me to come over to my husband's apartment to spend the day there so she could get to know me. It was very awkward and unheard of in my Hyderabadi family where ruksati de pehlay larki susural nahin jaati hai, but you're right, in the above mentioned communities, it's perfectly acceptable. I've seen it with my husband's cousins and extended family where fiances are included in every celebration and event happening in the household.
Re: Spending night at inlaws
OP i don't think there is any harm in staying over at your in-laws when they have themselves asked you to. in many families this is considered normal and in your case too sine they have invited you to spend the night at their place i assume this is considered normal in their family/khandan as well otherwise they wouldn't have invited you.
families belonging to communities such as Junagarhi, gujrati, memon, kachi, it is a norm that finances stay over for nights on happy occasions like shadi, mehndi,dholkis and on sad occasions alike. i belong to one such community and no one raise an eyebrow or say anything when fiances stay over on such occasions.
Members of those communities do not think finances spending the night is a norm...lol spending the whole day yes, as khattichic said but not spending the night.
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Thanks for all the advice everyone, I am still so confused because my nand is like guilt tripping me saying its her wedding only happens once _
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My family is not from those communities, but this practice of including fiances is pretty common on one side of my family.
Dulhaniya, I would avoid causing issues and tensions where there aren't any. The wedding is a fun time. Go enjoy yourself and feel happy that you can take part without any real restrictions.
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maybe take a sibling with you.
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I would not go - if it cannot be avoided then I guess you have to though.
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Being an involved part of the wedding festivities sounds great and kudos to your in-laws for involving you. To honour their wishes, go early in the morning and have someone (mom, sister, older bhabhi/cousin) stay with you for late evening events and then drive you to your own home.
But as some others have said, I wouldn't spend the night - you are engaged, you aren't married (not even nikkah-o-fied) yet.
I know some families where they won't even invite the DIL/SIL to be to family events/parties, not because they don't care for the girl, but to help protect the girl's reputation. They don't want other people to "talk" and others who don't know the family dynamics just might talk.
I think being involved is different than spending the night, but this is just my perspective.
Spending night at inlaws
Really, I don't see what the problem is if they have asked you? It's a wedding with so much going on and whose gong to talk when it's fully? Like someone said avoid unnecessary drama and just go, they seem to really want you. I stayed over at fiancée khalas house during his cousins wedding because they are also my family from another side. What's the problem here, you are being given a lot of importance and its genuine, why risk alienating yourself. As long as your parents are comfortable, don't see the reason to be so confused. If you don't want still, ask your mom to do the talking.