Re: Speaking up
Yes I heard that too, your not allowed to do outright rebellion but you are permitted to explain to them thier wrongs and make good your escape if they persist in bad ways.
However I think the best way to diffuse arguments with Parents is to accept what they say listen to them, repeat thier viewpoint and then tell them where you have a problem. Learn to literally draw the line and talk to your parents with respect… no need to get angry simply point out where you stand and that you love them but you are bound by limits and they should recognise these too. 
Allah bless us all with kind and understanding Parents and all Parents with Loving and obedient Children.