Are 3 year olds too young to be spanked on their backside ? My nephew is getting very unruly and stubborn. He does not listen to firm talk anymore. Attempts to impose timeouts met with little success. Also ever since he started daycare a few months ago, he has started saying stuff like "Go away, I don’t want you " to his mom. My sister had twins 2 months back and is finding it really difficult to manage especially since BIL 's job involves a lot of travel away from home most of the month. Also, we feel that it is not a big case of sibling rivalry or cry for more attention causing all this cos he adores his baby sisters and any jealousy shown seem normal for kids with new siblings.
I wouldn't use it as a customary thing, but when a 3-year old gets extremely rude I think it would be ok to spank him in exceptional cases. Just don't make it a habit.
My own 3-year old had to experience that already.
Re: Spanking very young Kids.
I too think that a VERY occasional swat on the butt is ok. BUT...the poor little guy. He loves his baby siblings which is great. But he still feels the loss of being the only child, I'm sure he gets much less attention nowl. So even though he loves the babies, that really is separate from his feeling that he's not getting as much attention from his Mom. Many kids this young do not take it out on the baby, they take it out on the parents.
In the past few months, his life took some really drastic turns. He started daycare. He got not one sibling but TWO. Sounds like Dad is away much of the time and perhaps mom is overwhelmed with having twins. I imagine he gets very little positive, happy talk from his mom. So thats what I'd address here, instead of yelling, chastising, spanking even more. I bet if the mom got someone to watch the babies for a little while and took the boy to a playground or ice-cream parlor for an hour - just her and her son - that he would start behaving much more nicely.
Re: Spanking very young Kids.
I can't support spanking at any age. You can find numerous studies online linking spanking to adult disorders, violent tendencies, sexual disorders, etc.
I would never, ever raise my hand in violence to someone weaker than me.
Re: Spanking very young Kids.
I don't know about spanking but a light whack very occasionaly would do good...
Re: Spanking very young Kids.
There is a world of difference between "raising a hand in violence" and giving a light swat on the butt. When you have a child with a very strong personality, sometimes this is the only thing that works....and its done out of love and a concern to teach the child right from wrong - NOT done in anger.
That said, its not the best tool to use in the vast majority of cases as I pointed out in my first response, its better much of the time to get to the root of the problem and address THAT rather than the bad behavior.
There are rare times that this isnt enough, that the child truly has a very strong personality and requires an adult to correct the child's thinking that he or she is the one in control. And all it takes is a light swat on a diaper-clad butt, NOT a beating with a belt.
There is a world of difference between "raising a hand in violence" and giving a light swat on the butt. When you have a child with a very strong personality, sometimes this is the only thing that works....and its done out of love and a concern to teach the child right from wrong - NOT done in anger.
That said, its not the best tool to use in the vast majority of cases as I pointed out in my first response, its better much of the time to get to the root of the problem and address THAT rather than the bad behavior.
There are rare times that this isnt enough, that the child truly has a very strong personality and requires an adult to correct the child's thinking that he or she is the one in control. And all it takes is a light swat on a diaper-clad butt, NOT a beating with a belt.
There is no difference. Raising your hand is violence regardless of how hard you hit. It teaches the child that might = right, and that it's an acceptable response to frustration to resort to physical violence or hitting.
It isn't legal to hit someone on the street who frustrates you, therefore no one should be allowed to hit a child, regardless of if the child stems from them or not. Our rights end where another's skin begins.
That's my take on it. I perceive a child as a human being with the same rights as anyone else. I don't care if they are not mentally "mature," as adults are (it's still illegal to hit a mentally handicapped person, fyi).
That's my opinion. Having done the research on the side effects and consequences of all forms of "discipline," on children, I have to conclude that spanking is immoral.
I can't stop anyone else from doing it, but I certainly never will.
Re: Spanking very young Kids.
western upbringing has no raising by hand and kids turn out very unruly
desis beat the **** outta their kids and we are the most sorted out adults once we grow up .
must be something right to it... though i dont support beating up ure child... but some kids really need a smack to the butt.
Personally, I agree with Mamaof3’s Views. We try to make sure that my nephew does not feel neglected. My BIL is also looking for something that involves less travel. There was this guest with a 3.5 yr old who threw a tantrum during my sister’s baby shower a few months ago. He was rolling around on the floor and crying in front of all the guests till his embarrassed mother just gave in to his demands. My nephew was watching all this. So while the thought of spanking a kid lightly is distasteful, I would rather do it if it will help keep a firm hand on him before he follows down the same road. If you have exhausted all other avenues, how else can you get through and make the kid realize that he can’t get away with unruly behavior?
I can't support spanking at any age. You can find numerous studies online linking spanking to adult disorders, violent tendencies, sexual disorders, etc.
I would never, ever raise my hand in violence to someone weaker than me.
agree :biggthumb
Hi, I work wid children in London and am also a Childcare Assessor.
If a childs behaviour has changed at nursery we often ask the parents if anything has changed at home, sometimes the following are top reasons for a childs behaviour change,|
|* parents seperation,
* movin house
* new baby in this case their is not one new child but two, trust me even though he seems to love the babies, these babies have got all the attention from mum and dad, and even before the babies arrived conversations may of been on the excitement of the twins.
Deal with the behaviour in the following ways:
talk to him explain that what he is doin is wrong, take him away from e.g other child involved, ( if he lashes out)
give him time out for 3 mins as he is 3 years old ( on a chair)
and explain to him that he needs to think about what he has done and what he needs to do to make things better.
3.punish him by taking away his special toy for the day.( try not to do this to often as he may not bother about it)
4.praise his good behaviour with kisses, claps hugs and make a big deal ( dont wear it out!!)
- involve him with the babies, encourage him to get the wipes, towel, etc, and tell him what a big brother he is!
I have also got a 3 year old girl and some of the above may not work and I tell her that she has really upset me and that I dont want to talk to her and that really gets to her, and it works!!
best of luck!!
Are 3 year olds too young to be spanked on their backside ? My nephew is getting very unruly and stubborn. He does not listen to firm talk anymore. Attempts to impose timeouts met with little success. Also ever since he started daycare a few months ago, he has started saying stuff like "Go away, I don't want you " to his mom. My sister had twins 2 months back and is finding it really difficult to manage especially since BIL 's job involves a lot of travel away from home most of the month. Also, we feel that it is not a big case of sibling rivalry or cry for more attention causing all this cos he adores his baby sisters and any jealousy shown seem normal for kids with new siblings.
Im afraid your in denial. All children are jealous of new born siblings. That doesnt mean they dont love them. I tried to sell my younger sister to the next door neighbour for 50p cos I hated the way she cired!
Children will do almost anything for any bit attention, even if its negative attention. you need to be assertive with him, with the way you speak with him, tone, body language ect. If he knows hes upsetting you, hes gona do it more. Time out/naughty step do work but only if your consistent with it, and you give him a reasons as to why he is there. Dont just put him there and walk off, he needs to understand why. Children dont automatically know what 'being good' means, they need to explained, in detail. Explain to him that its ok that he doesnt like/want anything or that he feels angry, anger is just a feeling and its allowed, he needs to know that what he does with that anger is not good, e.g hitting, saying mean things.
western upbringing has no raising by hand and kids turn out very unruly
desis beat the **** outta their kids and we are the most sorted out adults once we grow up .
must be something right to it... though i dont support beating up ure child... but some kids really need a smack to the butt.
If we all turned out to be so sorted out , then why life1 is full of so many raves and rants ?
I guess you are being sarcastic.
why spank .. just kill 'em :)
no , killing is too harsh , send him to juvenile penitentiary, such a juvenile delinquent he is.
I agree with MS and Shab786 .
western upbringing has no raising by hand and kids turn out very unruly
desis beat the **** outta their kids and we are the most sorted out adults once we grow up .
must be something right to it... though i dont support beating up ure child... but some kids really need a smack to the butt.
agree with ya!
Re: Spanking very young Kids.
well i think spanking wouldn’t be a bad idea.. from wat u mentioned about ur sister’s kids.. Just to scare the kid to behave properly.. Please don’t kill ur kid 
Hi, I work wid children in London and am also a Childcare Assessor.
I have also got a 3 year old girl and some of the above may not work and I tell her that she has really upset me and that I dont want to talk to her and that really gets to her, and it works!! best of luck!!
Textbook reply minus this little gem. Did you skip the bit in your childcare assessor manual where it states emotional blackmail is as damaging as physical violence towards kids?
There is a world of difference between "raising a hand in violence" and giving a light swat on the butt. When you have a child with a very strong personality, sometimes this is the only thing that works....and its done out of love and a concern to teach the child right from wrong - NOT done in anger.
That said, its not the best tool to use in the vast majority of cases as I pointed out in my first response, its better much of the time to get to the root of the problem and address THAT rather than the bad behavior.
There are rare times that this isnt enough, that the child truly has a very strong personality and requires an adult to correct the child's thinking that he or she is the one in control. And all it takes is a light swat on a diaper-clad butt, NOT a beating with a belt.
Do you know how many times my mom smacked me across the face when I turned the house upside down? I turned out alright, still love my parents and always will. I think sometimes to teach a child a lesson, its necessary. But there is a world of a difference between just a small swat (like MO3 says) and actual hitting/abusing.
PLUS, I think a mother knows how hard or light to swat a child so she doesnt hurt him/her. Its done only to help them understand that a certain act is not right.
Otherwise, dont expect kids to grow up disciplined and well-behaved.
There is no difference. Raising your hand is violence regardless of how hard you hit. It teaches the child that might = right, and that it's an acceptable response to frustration to resort to physical violence or hitting.
It isn't legal to hit someone on the street who frustrates you, therefore no one should be allowed to hit a child, regardless of if the child stems from them or not. Our rights end where another's skin begins.
That's my take on it. I perceive a child as a human being with the same rights as anyone else. I don't care if they are not mentally "mature," as adults are (it's still illegal to hit a mentally handicapped person, fyi).
That's my opinion. Having done the research on the side effects and consequences of all forms of "discipline," on children, I have to conclude that spanking is immoral.
I can't stop anyone else from doing it, but I certainly never will.
MS - there is a huge difference between a stranger on the street and your own child. You gave birth to one and not the other.
You are not responsible for the stranger's moral upbringing and are not required to care for what he does with himself.
You are responsible for your own child's upbringing and want to make sure yours does not grow up with the wrong attitude towards other people and he/she knows between right and wrong. Its not about your child "frustrating you", its about molding them to become good human beings.
You do all of this because you love your child...you cant evoke the same feeling for some stranger.
Textbook reply minus this little gem. Did you skip the bit in your childcare assessor manual where it states emotional blackmail is as damaging as physical violence towards kids?
Where are i goin wid the text book??, this is my reply, and I stated how some of the above may not work, as a parent I would expain to my child that she has upset me, and not talk to her basically not giving her to much attention, so that she relises that what she has done is wrong, instead of using physical abuse I dont ignore her for long. ( this is after I have followed the steps I mentioned before)
bein a proffessional and havin your own child is different, some proffessionals will also tell u that a slap on the bottom wont do a child any harm.
I just want to share my advice, not argue, Take my advice or leave its your choice!!!