i wouldn't do this..i rem one time my mom hit my brother's diaper for being bad and a few days later my mom was getting upset at my baby brother so my diaper brother went to my baby brother and started hitting him. when we told him not to, he pointed to my youngest brother and said 'bad'..lol..so kids do get influenced by us beating them.
western upbringing has no raising by hand and kids turn out very unruly
desis beat the **** outta their kids and we are the most sorted out adults once we grow up .
must be something right to it... though i dont support beating up ure child... but some kids really need a smack to the butt.
I can't begin to fathom how anyone can support hitting a child. All you are teaching this child is that when they are frustrated and don't get their way, they can go ahead and smack someone with less power. Instead of teaching your child how to reconcile differences, you will teach them to react to it with anger.
And frankly, I think this is why you have so many psycho desi men running around getting pissed at their wives and showing so much anger over little crapp. Desi households don't teach their children to reconcile differences, they teach that those who are physically stronger can abuse those who are not -- - whether emotionally, verbally, or physically.
So instead of teaching your child right from wrong, you essentially set the wrong example thus perpetuating violence and anger.
Good job - - - but then I guess its okay b/c desis are the most well adjusted individuals.
Funny b/c I have yet to meet anyone like that :)
Re: Spanking very young Kids.
I agree, hitting a kid is very counter-productive, and makes them stubborn, angry and prone to possibly potential becoming wife-beaters. I was never beaten up by my parents, and went to a school where teachers would be fired if they hit students, and I am not 'messed up', or atleast dont consider myself to be messed up. I know many fellow desis, who went to schools where they were canned, and alot of them, having found new freedom now after leaving their houses for work, colleges are not sure how to deal with this new freedom that they never had before.
Re: Spanking very young Kids.
it depends on a whole lot. i dont think we can say if u do this , this happens and if u dont do that, then it will
i got slapped quite a few times by my mom.. and once beaten up because i was way outta line, and had done something my mom had told me not to do, but also why i shouldnt.
kher.. i turned out fine.. not scarred.. not hateful.. not depressed, not anything but full of sunshine and optism .... same goes for my siblings.. my kid bro was a real handful.. and whilst mom rarely used to raise her hands with us older 2 siblings.. my kid brother was hand raised , literally! he is a sweetheart now and actually appreciates all the beatings mom gave him to set him straight.... he isnt a psycho either, nor hating and wanting to kill his folks.. or anything negetive.
bachay dil se nahi, dimagh se pal thay hain... there are some kids u can talk to and reason with.. which should always be the number one rule for dealing with all kids.. but some kids, like my mom says, baton se nahi maanthay.
its only when u beat ure kid for even the smallest of things that they go dheet... that is beating your child up for ure own frustration cuz u just cant get to them any other way... actually not even trying hard enuff if ure beating them for stupid small things.. some parents find it much easier to just beat up rather tan explain what they did was wrong. in that case, thats wrong and will never disclipine a child.
Re: Spanking very young Kids.
It seems spanking is the only way for desis in particular to sort out their kids. I don't see any good in it. A kid eventually gets used to the spanking. The next time he does badtameezi, he can think ´oh, the worst thing that can happen to me is to get a bit of a spanking.. the pain will go away'.. Yes, you should punish the kid, but think of something like prohibiting from doing something he very much likes.
Seriously, why would u even hit children?
Haha PF I second that opinnion. Killing is not the solution people.
MS - there is a huge difference between a stranger on the street and your own child. You gave birth to one and not the other.
You are not responsible for the stranger's moral upbringing and are not required to care for what he does with himself.
You are responsible for your own child's upbringing and want to make sure yours does not grow up with the wrong attitude towards other people and he/she knows between right and wrong. Its not about your child "frustrating you", its about molding them to become good human beings.
You do all of this because you love your child...you cant evoke the same feeling for some stranger.
Yes you are responsible for the upbringing of your child. You are responsible to teach them that might does NOT equal right. That the physically smaller and weaker deserve the same rights as those who are bigger and stronger. You teach them that violence is not an acceptable response to any situation.
Authoritarian households are those that most often produce criminals (those children exhibit higher crime rates, higher rates of teen pregnancy, etc). When you speak to your children and explain the consequences of their actions in the real world (as opposed to showing the the consequence of walking across the street by hitting them due to your angry--instead of explaining that they could get hit by a car), teaches them to fear your response, and not that of the possibility of the car hitting them.
Fear doesn't breed love or respect. It breeds more fear.
Re: Spanking very young Kids.
ok was the poster talkin bout beating up ure child so much and so often that it borders on physical abuse.. or are we just talkin bout a slap here and there?? cuz ppl are making it sound like kids hate their folks and fear them cuz they get beaten up..
how MUCH are u beating up ure child taht they start to fear u?!
think ppl are getting confused between teh 2
Re: Spanking very young Kids.
I agree kwateen...
My middle son has a very strong personality and he was convinced that he was the boss around the house. My usual methods - time-outs, taking privelege or favorite toy away simply did not work. A swat on the diaper did. It was not done in anger, it was not done with force but it was done to teach him that HE is not the boss - I am. He was not physically harmed but he was surprised enough that he finally came to understand. Thats very different from the parent who gets so furious that they resort to hitting. Our household is far from authoritarian and my son does not fear me in any way...so there IS a difference here IMO. Sometimes you just need to adjust your thinking and adapt to certain situations. Perhaps I could have stuck to my typical methods and perhaps they would have worked - eventually. Perhaps not. One can never know for sure till they've been in the situation.
Children can not distinguish Right from Wrong until they are 4 years old:sheyn:…atleast that is what some experts say.
so why would someone want to spank the innocent…?:halo:
After they turn 4 …they know everything:)…then they are too smart for you to spank em:bummer:…
I’ve seen parents giving their naughty kids a small slap on the bottom, but they do it whilst frowning in annoyance and using a hard tone of voice. this is aggression and its going to scare the kid. ive never seen someone spank their kid with a smile and cheery tone of voice lol. The kid is obviously going to be scared of you, so even if it behaves after being spanked, thats out of fear, that doesnt seem like a good thing to me 
.
Re: Spanking very young Kids.
Once again, there is a difference here. Of course, a naughty child should not be spoken to in a cheery tone of voice but neither should they be screamed at. I read somewhere a great saying - "screaming at a misbehaving child is like trying to drive a car by honking its horn. Just doesnt work." A firm and disapproving (or disappointed) tone of voice is the way to go here.
As far as learning right from wrong, it happens way before age 4. You can even teach a nursing infant whose teeth are coming in not to bite while nursing.
Mamaof3, you misunderstood what i was trying to say!
my point was that when people do spank their children, their tone of voice and expression as they spank the child, to the child if no one else would be perceived as aggressive.
maybe ive just seen the wrong types of parents lol, but everytime ive seen a parent spank the child (usually in a shop lol), they do so with a really harsh tone and if i was that kid, id be scared of my mummy or daddy staring at me in such a fierce manner.
im sure not all parents are like that though when spanking their child, and rather than being aggressive, they are, as you mentioned, firm and disaproving, which i think is ok. i dont have kids myself so, yeah im two minded on this at the moment.
xx
Re: Spanking very young Kids.
I'm sorry, I fail to see the necessity of spanking a child or the value of it. As far as I'm concerned, spanking done in even a "loving" manner will teach this child that it is okay to respond to certain situations by being physically aggressive. This is not something I would want to teach my child. It appears that many parents are supporters of spanking b/c it is, in the short-term, effective. . . but I question the outcomes in the long term. As parents, aren't you supposed to do what is in the best interest of the child? I don't see how spanking fits into this equation. . .
it seems that those that were spanked are more willing to spank their children based on "well, I turned out okay". Maybe you did, but no matter what you think, your child is not you. . .
Re: Spanking very young Kids.
Also, I dont buy the whole 'some kids deserved to be spanked because words don't work' on them. That basically implies they have bad genes (in that case, please keep in mind where those genes came from), and secondly, its probably the upbringing thats causing him to not take words seriously. Beating up kids merely creates, fear, agression and stubbornes in them.
Re: Spanking very young Kids.
^ totally agree wid spock - even the genes part - so SPANK yourself first then the kidz
I cant believe folks think spanking (light or not) achieves anything. All that spanking reinforces is ... its ok to lose your temper, it is ok to hit when you lose your temper.
Make no mistake, even the youngest children realise that you are spanking because you are upset, not so much because you want the child to understand and follow good behavior. The pain hurts thier butt, but it also tells them that this adult who hit me cannot be in control of themselves. Dosent do much for the respect they will have for your actions in the long run.
Give the child a time out. Really it is not so much the child who needs the time out, it is the adult who needs it regain composure and then be reasonable about showing the child that actions have consequences. Within reason, take away a privilege, take away a toy, something that actually affects the child.
Adults who hit should work on thier anger management skills first before discipling anyone else.
This child has had huge upheavals. Daycare, siblings etc. He is also testing his boundries. It is natural part of the awareness and growing process. If he didnt make mistakes, and tested his boundries he would never learn. So he is not doing it to piss you off as much as he is doing something that is part of his development.