I lurk around quite a bit, but this is my first time posting.
I was hoping to get ideas about an issue…namely, desi hospitality when it comes to food. We love to eat and we love to have others eat what we’ve prepared. But occasionally, it can get a little overboard.
I adore food. I will try just about anything once and dislike very few things. The thing is, I don’t eat a lot. I’m on the small side and my appetite is pretty much in synch with my size. But desi people, namely the highly talented desi aunties who all seem to be excellent cooks, don’t really understand that.
As a result, I’ve probably hurt a few feelings a time or two because I simply couldn’t stuff any more food inside. I really do try when people insist, but when you feel like you’re about to throw up on the table, it’s definitely time to stop.
The most nightmarish experience I’ve ever had is when I had to go to a dinner almost immediately after I’d gotten off my 22 hour flight to Karachi. I was exhausted, head achy and more than a little nauseated from travel. But this time, the food wasn’t so great. All of it, unfortunately, smelled like rancid oil and was way too heavy. I tried. I really did. And it was made worse by the various aunties looking at my plate and commenting on how little I’d taken, why wasn’t I taking more, didn’t I like it, why wasn’t I finishing the food and ohmygodpleasestop!
The evening ended with someone forcing mint ice cream on me (which I dislike with a passion of a raging fire) which resulted in me having to excuse myself from the table to go hurl in their bathroom.
I do not want a repeat of that night. We’ve got some dinner parties to attend in the near future where I’m going to have to deal with wonderfully generous aunties who won’t take no for an answer and will literally keep presenting me with stuff to eat every five minutes. I don’t want to offend anybody. I also don’t want my stomach to explode.
wow, I though I was the only one. I remember I went to this one aunty's house and she kept putting food on my plate and I got really frustrated and said "aunty bus" loudly and everyone got all quiet and started staring at me. It was really embarrassing. I have also had those times where I would feel like throwing up while eating because uncles and aunties put so much food on my plate.
lol. you gals are doing just fine!! Its so much better to be the way you are than to be the way I happen to be...I'm thin but have good metabolism and my fave thng to do is eat...I got lots of aunties talking with my voracious appetite when I went over there. I ate everything that was offered and often had more than 3 servings. They were amazed. But the food was so GOOD :) lol. But they thought I was kind of a hog lol. Its not very ladylike to scarf down 3 or 4 plates of food!So much more acceptable to have a ladylike serving or 2 and then be so very done...that meets with approval, I just couldnt bring myself to resist....
They just don't listen sometimes. A friend of mine has a son who is seriously allergic to strawberries. Fortunately, they aren't fatal to him, but they make him feel wretched. You would think this would be a good enough reason to refuse food.
But alas, my friend was at a dinner party where they had some sort of strawberry dessert and her little boy politely refused. The auntie grabbed a spoonful of the dessert and shoved it in his mouth. He threw up all over her new rug that she'd had flown in from overseas.
Served her right.
I'm beginning to suspect that you simply have to say no politely and be firm. If they get offended, well...I guess you have to shrug and move on.
LOL. Don't you love when they put half a chicken in your plate as soon as you feel like there's a light at the end of the tunnel, i.e. you're almost done eating and hoping to get rid of your plate asap.
LOL. Don't you love when they put half a chicken in your plate as soon as you feel like there's a light at the end of the tunnel
OMG!
I know exactly what you mean. Here I am, chugging along, feeling unpleasantly stuffed but with hope building inside that I have only two more mouthfuls to go. And then, with a "takaloof mat karo," a potful of something ridiculously heavy is plopped on my plate.
What really makes my blood boil is when the Aunties know that a person is diabetic or has high cholesterol and shouldn't eat rich foods but they still try and force feed them. WTH is that about???
OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD this sounds so familar. once in pakistan me and my cousin took her daughter to see some people in the village who we sort of know. anways my niece is allergic to nuts, and i mean bad allergy. she cant even go near them. and shew as only 2 at the time. but my relatives were forcing her to eat the plate of nuts and my cusin went loopy and said shes allergic please take them away. they didnt listen and instead had a go at us westerners for being so silly and gorafied and still havent forgiven my cusin for her outburst. instead i once heard them say that its black magic
What really makes my blood boil is when the Aunties know that a person is diabetic or has high cholesterol and shouldn't eat rich foods but they still try and force feed them. WTH is that about???
my mum is diabetic......and my aunts make sure she eats some mathai or jalebi....yet the same aunt is diabetic herself and she WONT GO NEAR THE STUFF...stupid 2faced *******
then again, my dad does the same thing to my fiance.everytime he eats, my dad piles his plate, which anoys me to be honest cos im hoping us poor siblings may be able to get the last and only one left for us, chicken wing, but where does that last 1 chicken wing go...into my fiances already full of wings plate....so goddamn annoying...while we sit there mouth agog, watering saliva, begging for some food to be thrown our way too...
I am SURPRISED at the persistence of these aunties that you have encountered. I've seen aunties who have told me to "eat more".............but they only say it ONCE...........and then leave me alone. Usually I say "Oh i'll get some more later Aunti." Other times I'll say "Aunti the food was TRULY delicious to the point that i've stuffed myself and can't eat anymore. But if I feel hungry, I will get some more later." And they leave me alone.
I've NEVER been force-fed by an aunti. That's bizarre. It's harder to get out of these situations when the gathering is small and everyone is sitting under aunti's watchful eye at the table. When there is a BIGGER gathering.......with many guests.........you have more freedom to move around.......and aunti can't PRESSURE you because she'll be too busy attending to other people.
You just have to be polite but stand your ground. Instead of saying just "no thank you." Respond by COMPLIMENTING aunti's food and tell her that EVERYTHING was declicious and you've stuffed yourself completely and really dont' have room for even a single bite..........but if you feel hungry, you will definitely take more.
TIP: Some aunties prefer to let guests take away food with them. And other aunties don't like that idea at all. So, you can try telling the aunti *"Aunti, your food was too good and I've stuffed myself to the point I have no room for even another bite. But if I feel hungry later on.........I can take some food with me." * If the aunti doesn't want to give her food away...............she might wisen up and stop bugging you so much about "eating more". ;)
^ The complete lack of respect for food allergies is one of the most frustrating/dangerous aspects of this. My youngest daughter has anaphalaxis and when we go to Pakistan someone always tries to "cure" her by feeding her either tree nuts or shellfish. Alhamdulillah I always carry an epi pen and don't leave her, but it is maddening.
MAAN! worst is when u eat whats a healthy amount by their standards, and htey still tell U “Have more have more”… and then later.. “beta apna wazam kam karo”
^ The complete lack of respect for food allergies is one of the most frustrating/dangerous aspects of this. My youngest daughter has anaphalaxis and when we go to Pakistan someone always tries to "cure" her by feeding her either tree nuts or shellfish. Alhamdulillah I always carry an epi pen and don't leave her, but it is maddening.
yes you have to be very very careful over there, they do not see the genuine reasons but just assume you are being snooty or whatever. best to not go there with her or make sure she doesnt leave ur side....i had my aunts parading the nuts around my nieces face, knowing that shes allergic just by being near them...my csin went mad. however they didnt see the importance....and said nuts say kiski allergy hoti hai, hum to sab katey hain patha nahi tum logo ka kya masla hai
I go, nahin aunty bas. buhat mazay ka khana tha, aur mujhe to lagta hai mainay over-eating kar li hai. hila nahin jaa raha, aur abhi mainay aap kay haath ki kheer/cake/custard/insert dessert of the evening bhi khana hai. and then aunties do say* laikin tum nay to kuch liya hi nahin, tabhi abhi bhi itni smart ho.* giggle giggle, throw in some smiles, and clean up the table.
Thanks everyone. You know, I've pretty much tried everything you all have mentioned (i.e. The food was so good that I'm stuffed or I'm so stuffed that I don't want to eat anymore and then not have room for your excellent mithai auntie, or I'm not feeling well today auntie), but I have to tell you, none of it works. Never. They always assume I'm just being silly or snobby, dieting, don't like what they made or any number of reasons that ARE NOT TRUE. And then they make a big deal out of it, trying to push you to take more, calling attention to the situation so that everyone in the d***n house knows that you are the snobby/crazy westerner who is too good for aunty's food. And then they tell mom/saas/nearest relative about your utter lack of appetite.
And I hate to say this, but most of the time I confront this problem in a household where everyone is not at an ideal weight, to put it kindly. Or in a household with people with insane metabolisms who stay skinny no matter if they ingest half their body weight daily. I suppose they assume that everyone's appetite is as big as theirs and don't realize that someone else might eat as much or that the person is perhaps trying to watch what she eats for health reasons.
Seriously, what do these people do when they themselves need to lose weight or watch what they eat because of diabetes? Don't they understand that the dinner guest who is only having a modest first or a small second helping may simply be doing the same?
Seriously, what do these people do when they themselves need to lose weight or watch what they eat because of diabetes? Don't they understand that the dinner guest who is only having a modest first or a small second helping may simply be doing the same?
I suppose b/c they assume that if you are on a diet or generally eat healthy, you are already eating healthy at home, and you should be able to "relax" at a dawat, and they consider their dawat important enough for one to relax their rules. Just a little bit of insight.
