It’s one thing when you already have 1 gender and you wish for the other. That completely makes sense. Most people and I are talking about the preference for the first child. We should not be picking what we want, we should be grateful of what we get from Him.
That is true. Thank you for your prayer Dushwari jee
Hareem: That’s an interesting perspective to look at it, however, I agree with what Mirch said above. You only have 2 choices: It’s either a boy or a girl. So if it’s a boy, doctors (again, exceptions exist) tell you with joy that it’s a boy. If they don’t tell you anything, that automatically means it’s a girl. So it’s really not that they were trying to avoid telling ignorant mothers, it seems like they are ignorant themselves. As professionals, they should be happy and should not hesitate to tell the gender. It’s their job to deliver the baby, they should gladly do it. In fact, if someone is sad because they are having a daughter, doctors are the first people that should take the first opportunity to tell the parents how blessed they will be to have a healthy child. In Pakistan, it seems like such doctors (I am speaking of in my first post) are failing at their jobs.
100% right. It depends on what chromosomes pair up with the eggs and those chromosomes come from father. So someone needs to educate the old-thinking idiots and tell them if you want to kick someone out because she did not have a boy, kick your son out, not your daughter-in-law (or wife).
I agree with the bold part. As for the other part, inshallah when time comes, if anyone does “afsos” with me because I am having a girl, I am mentally prepared to never speak with them again, even if it’s my own family.
**Thank you all for sharing your experiences.
Iconolast** I was so into the story and had to re-read the last line when I got to it because I could not believe it
It's one thing when you already have 1 gender and you wish for the other. That completely makes sense. Most people and I are talking about the preference for the first child. We should not be picking what we want, we should be grateful of what we get from Him.
oh then i believe that the topic should be "First baby Son vs. first baby Daughter"????? and one shouldn't be sharing what they experienced if it is not about their first child????
Besides, when i say that it didn't really matter to us whether the third one was going to be a boy or a girl.... I mean it... Now i wonder how was it okay for others to wish for the other gender right in front of us when we ourselves weren't really gender-centric...it is not quiteunderstandable and was an utter nonsense for us....
but hey, may be it is okay for some people to change their gender-oriented mentality over the second or third child... but with the first one such mentality is a hush-hush thingie.
PS: It is much more pathetic to hear such comment when you already have two/three not-so-socially-wanted-gender in your house as compare to the first time parents, but only a couple of you guys will understand what i mean... so move on!
I grew up in a girl family. We have one brother and I grew up hearing the elder ladies saying that may Allah give him a brother so he isnt the only guy. When my youngest sister was born, ppl were behaving like afsos as if somebody had passed away and not been born...I was 10 at that time and felt so sad though I couldnt really understand what was going on.
When I got older I found out that my grandmother and uncle had told my dad to remarry cuz he was only getting daughters. Dad refused and ignored their demands.
When i got married I heard my mother in law saying a few times ke pote ke hone se raunak ho jaye gi. I didnt answer back as I was newly wed and didnt wanna ruin the relationship by being big mouth...
Then we went for hajj and these aunties were like "Allah tumhe beta de" I kept saying that I would love to have a daughter as my first born and they just couldnt get it.
My sister have 2 boys and man the way my grandmother has celebrated that was not even close to the way she congratulated my other sister who has two daughters.
I think that this still exist big time in our culture and society and the only way to change tis is to change our attitude towards the ppl who say rubbish like ke beta ho and arent happy with baby girls.
I still wish that we have a baby girl whenever we have kids:)
I've seen it...in little ways.... the boys 1st birthday is celebrated so much, with family and frends and everyone coming...girsl 1st birthday is quiet family affair... !
Here in the US I have seen many guys who actually pray for daughters, my brother-in-law being one. He prayed that he only had daughters cos he felt he himself had not done much for his parents other than providing for them financially. His sisters on the other hand are the ones who were with his parents in their old age and cared for them physically.
On the other hand I also know a lady, a mother of two girls, who would eat certain foods to have a miscarriage the moment she found out it was a girl she was carrying.
Does'nt Quran states that men are responsible for the sex of the baby XY chromosome....they why blame the poor mother for bearing a girl....Regardless, there is a hospital in Washington DC where you can choose the sex of your child before they plant the zygote in the mother womb. I guess that system should be considered and used only for second baby choices....that way we all would have a balanced family.....and that would take care of wierdos like me. I desperately wanted a baby girl as my first child but sadly that did not happen, hopefully next child would bring loads of pinkness in my house.
I don't think it matters whether you have a boy or a girl nowadays. I know some people who have like 5 daughters and they are very happy. People are more enlightened.
Here in the US I have seen many guys who actually pray for daughters, my brother-in-law being one. He prayed that he only had daughters cos he felt he himself had not done much for his parents other than providing for them financially. His sisters on the other hand are the ones who were with his parents in their old age and cared for them physically.
On the other hand I also know a lady, a mother of two girls, who would eat certain foods to have a miscarriage the moment she found out it was a girl she was carrying.
All kinds of people in the world.
Actually I am one of those guys who would love to have a daughter first because daughters are very passionate and loving. Just like you said, boys provide their parents financially (in most cases) while girls are much more patient when it comes to loving old parents.
Yeah that’s the only time I am not so much looking forward to. It’s a really delicate matter when it comes to dealing with teenage daughters, I guess that’s when mrs. will need to get in the driver’s seat
And thats why parents find it so "difficult" to raise daughters b/c of those horrific 10 years. (yes 10 years). I can honestly say i was a holy terror nightmare from abt 12-20.
Yeah that's the only time I am not so much looking forward to. It's a really delicate matter when it comes to dealing with teenage daughters, I guess that's when mrs. will need to get in the driver's seat :D
No actually shikra, this the time mrs. will need you the most. remember its a rebellious girl we dealing with and the first outlet will be mum..."who just is out to ruin my life :( and daddy is the only one who ever understood me." You have to play a huge role at this stage. Once she get over this stage then she appreciate mum more. You right its delicate cos you have to be firm and yet open the line of communication...and tons of patience...
BTW any tips from anyone I will gladly take.
But theres more...the time when you as a father will feel the most pain is when you marry your lil princess off and give her away to what even if you consider a perfect match, you will always wonder will she be treated the same as we treated her...will she be happy? that day you will say your most sincere prayers ever...
but apart from all that, you enjoy your girl(s) when Inshallah you have them...dua for you and your wife:)
And thats why parents find it so "difficult" to raise daughters b/c of those horrific 10 years. (yes 10 years). I can honestly say i was a holy terror nightmare from abt 12-20.
Mrs saieen...
some of us are still horrific...several years after our teens :o
some of us are still horrific...several years after our teens :o
Just to clarify.......I say this b/c this is the only perspective that I know well. I will not speak for boys raised here and i will not speak for girls or boys raised in Pakistan or any other non-western country. I was born and raised here, and some people will not appreciate it and kichkich and foam at hte mouth, but I do think it will ring true for some.---I think its harder to be a teenage girl, Muslim/Pakistani growing up in west with parents who came from Pak.
When you come from one culture where the general thought is that a family's entire izzat is dependant on the fact that she remain "chaste" and keep a good reputation, into a culture where women are encouraged to do anything and everything ("good" and "bad") the two extremes will no doubt clash. Its crucial to strike a good balance. The more parents are strict, the more the kids, in general, will want to lash out. But the teen years can be worse for the girls than for the guys. Sons are allowed to do whatever they want, and its no problem... "larka hai"...this goes into late teens, even in the 20s.
As much as we dont like it or some wont like to admit, a girls' reputation is so much more delicate than a boy's. Now i'm not saying that they're all always victims and can do no wrong, but in general you cant deny the fact that its easier to trash a girls reputation for a lesser offense than a guys. I'm sure this rings true not just for desi culture but gora culture as well. At some point, it does balance out, when a girl either gets married or starts working full time, less restrictions, but those teenage years ( as well as childhood!) ears are very crucial in setting good exampls and standards...
things in pakistan are changing. its not what they show in movies in dramas. people like boys and girls both. some people still have stupid mentalities but you cant do much about them.
there are some people always whos head is buried in $hit and they never come out of the ancient hindu customs. but majority of pakistans are Not morons. majority of pakistanis love girl and boy child both.
Oh boy! Thanks for the dua, I most certainly would need it
My wife thinks I will spoil our children (although I act tough now - no children yet). It will be difficult task to raise children in the US, regardless of whether it’s a boy or a girl. Sooner or later, I’ll be put to test
