Hey everyone,
I love my mother with all of my heart. Sometimes she is really mean to me. She loses her temper very easily, blames me for a lot of problems, etc. She also hits me, not as much as she did when i was younger, but even now in my early 20's it does happen once in a while. I used to think that every desi kid had mothers like mine, but now as i look around me at my friends mothers, i see that they are not like this at all. When i confided in my best friend that my mother still slaps me sometimes, she was shocked. I know my own mother had a very difficult childhood and her mom (my nani) was like this to her too. I want very desperately to have a good relationship with my mom as I will be getting married soon. Everytime I try, she pushes me away. Yet she has a very good relationship with my two brothers (i'm the only girl). I'm hurt, saddened, confused, and scared that I do not treat my own future kids like this. Am I alone? Or is this a large problem in the paki community?
--edit-- more details so its not confusing
She is not always like this. We will have a good period of time where she is just normal towards me for a week or two. And then afterwards one day i'll come downstairs and say salaam to her and she'll completely ignore me. I tell her that i'm trying to show her how much i love her by doing all the chores around the house so she doesn't have to, and she says "thats what all girls are supposed to do." My philosophy is that if there is something that needs to be done, and i do not do it, my mother will have to do the chore, so i take care of as much as possible, cooking, cleaning, bills, etc, but it feels no matter how hard i try, nothing is good enough. I know deep down she loves me. I asked her one time why she pulled my hair when i was just trying to help her and why she is doing this to me, and she said in Islam, even if a mother is wrong and mean to you, you cannot say or do anything to her or be mean. I stopped talking to her for two days because I was hurt so in retaliation, now its been like 3 weeks since she has said a word to me.
Reminds me of my mother..........I even tried going on hunger strike.......but that didnt soften her.
Some mothers are like that......can't be helped.I suggest that you try to getting support from rest of the family.