Salaam everyone,
Thank you so much for your sincere advice. I am really distraught about this. I sat down with her today and i just hugged her for a very, very long time and we both cried. She admitted that sometimes she just doesnt know what she wants and that she knows that I love her very much and that she loves me too, and she doesnt know why she acts like this sometimes with me. She also shared that she didn't get much love from her own mother and how life was like for her back in Pakistan. Her mom also used to raise her hand on my mother a lot. As for the counseling, she doesn't want to do it, I honestly dont think she will agree to it. I did talk to my brothers and my dad, and they know what is going on and they try to reason with her too but at the end of the day they say "that's just how she is, just deal with her, she is too old to change." For anyone who thinks I am doing this because i dont like her or just because i want to vent, you have never been more wrong in your life. I love my mother with all my heart and soul and I want the best for her and me. The reason why I posted on here is because no one knows who I am here and I do not want to let anyone in our community or in my family to know what is going on. Also, I am concerned for others that might be facing similar problems because child abuse is something that is common in our country. The only person other than my dad and brothers to know this is my best friend, and she knows because i was crying and she asked what is wrong. I don't blame my mother, I actually dont blame anyone. But I urge others who might be facing this to realize that this is not their fault. I thought this was my fault for the longest time, until now in my early 20's. Just now did i realize that i have an emotionally and physically abusive relationship with my own mother. it is a painful reality but I am going to try everyday to make this work because I love her, and jannah is under her feet.
Thank you again everyone for all your advice, treasure your parents, and please make dua for us.
Mano sweetheart, no one is doubting your love, in fact you proved that you love her more than anything by trying to reach out for advice. If you didnt love her, you could have left the home ages ago. The fact that you choose to stick around want her as part of your life shows the immense amount of love you have for your mother.
It is natural to wonder why a parent reacts differently from the perceived impression of a good parent and you have done nothing wrong by posting here.
It is wonderful to hear that you have finally had the courage to talk to your mom and I would suggest using this method to get closer to her. The fact that she is opening up to you and talking means that she is already in counseling and you are the counselor. Keep talking and bringing up things. Constant talks will really help her come to terms with her own personal issues hopefully.
For example, ask her what she feels that HER mom should have done with her..e.g the way she should have treated her. Getting her to talk about those voids in her own childhood may help her realize the issues in your life between the two of you. And dont be afraid to talk about your feelings to your mom as well. Tell her the way you want her to behave with you and what alternatives she has available if she is angry with you (instead of hitting etc..)
Again, it is hard to advise with minimal background information but perhaps you two could try to do things together that are destressing. This will give her the relaxation she needs and also help you bond with her more.
Keep it up and my prayers and best wishes are with you. And if you ever want to talk in private..pm me and I will give you my email and tel. no.