Salaam pplz.
As u know i made a thread before about what to do
if ur husband call u bad name’s.
Well ive told u guys how my husband is if he get
angry at me that he call me bad name’s but that’s
not all. Sometime’s he is very kind and sweet to me
and if he get angry he call me bad names that
happens over & over again. I can talk with my family
about this only with one friend she is like a sis to me.
I really fed up with my life and sometime’s i think
i wish i never married him that i fall in love with someone
but my destiney was arrange marriage.
The problem is now i think ive feelings for someone else
he is also a friend of mine i know him from net and i
know him about 1years. He does’nt know that i have
feelings for him ohh gosh it is such a mess now.
I wanna tell him but im afraid to lose the friendship
if i tell him about my feelings for him.
But should i tell him about my feelings or not?
I really don’t know what to about this all.
Mei ab bohot preshan hoon.
ur response to this net friend of urs is understandable and very natural since u r looking for some sort of comfort which ur husband is unable to provide u with. i think u shud talk to ur husband about how unhappy you are and urge him to go for couple's counselling. if not then i think u shud consider separation, since ur marriage is not doing any good to ur mental health and possibly affecting ur kids ( if u have any), as well.
as for net friend, bad option for now. concentrate on ur marriage right now. try to figure out what U want.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by suroor_ca02: *
ur response to this net friend of urs is understandable and very natural since u r looking for some sort of comfort which ur husband is unable to provide u with.
[/QUOTE]
This is precisely what I was about to say. If you think about it, I'm sure you will come to the realisation that your liking your friend is for all the wrong reasons. He is providing you with the comfort and support that that you need and desire but are not getting from your husband. I know he probably makes you feel good about yourself cause he's the only real support you have at the moment. Ultimately, this attachment isn't very healthy for you cause it's all for the wrong reasons.
he calls u bad names n u cheat on him?? :-s you have two problems here not one...figure out what you want to do with your marriage n then worry about the friend..
Something tells me there is more to this story than what you lead us to believe.
In the meantime this is what I recommend.
Well, how about you do this before making things far more complicated for yourself.
Option 1:
Stick to your verbally abusive husband and reconcile your petty differences. Cut off all contacts with your net buddy.
Option 1.1: If you choose to stay with your husband and only if you believe you have the discipline you can continue being friends with him baring in mind that nothing will come from or out of your net relationship.
Ask yourself if you're just seeking attention from him since your husband is not fully there for you. If he is not there for you, then you have the option below.
Option 2:
Before falling for some other guy on the net how you feel. Atleast finish your current relationship. Tie all loose ends and then start off with this net friend of yours. Bare in mind the risk of net relationships, also what makes you think this net relationship won't suffocate you like your current.
Option 3: Do whatever you want and screw 3+ lives in the process.
Also, bear in mind that how a person appears to be online is not always how they are in real life. Have you ever met this guy in real life? The fact is, you do not know him, no matter how much "online time" you spend with each other. You both do not know each other.
*Sometime's he is very kind and sweet to me and if he get angry he call me bad names that happens over & over again. *
People react in different ways when they are angry. Its wise if you evaluate the person on a day to day interaction level.
*i wish i never married him that i fall in love with someone but my destiney was arrange marriage. *
YOU picked your poison…not that love marriages guarantee anything.
The problem is now i think ive feelings for someone else he is also a friend of mine i know him from net and I know him about 1years. He does'nt know that i have
feelings for him ohh gosh it is such a mess now.
As coconut has suggested…you should deal with your first relationship before you start a new one. If I were ur internet pal…I’d be freakin out
*I wanna tell him but im afraid to lose the friendship *
Tell him and watch him run. No decent guy should get involved with someone else’s wife.
zindagi guzarni seekhain mohtarma...yeh bollywood nhin hai. If your husband is abusive then don't hesitate to take a stand.
If i may add some things to what has already been mentioned above.
i knew/know a girl who was in roughly the same position as you. i knew her very well. She was married, the marriage (from her perspective) was not going anywhere productive; however, it was not that the husband was abusive. There were other reasons. Anyways, Nilu - i know it’s very easy for all of us to judge your situation but the truth is - only you know how you feel inside. Since you opened this thread publically, i assume you want some advice. This is mine: right now, your marriage should be your priority. Some time ago, i read your previous thread about the hurtful things your husband was doing/saying. Maybe both of you would benefit from some marriage counselling - it’s arranged by some mosques as well these days depending where you live. If there is a masjid nearby, maybe you should ask the Imam for help to talk with both of you.
Right now, i think it is best (i’m sorry i know i’m not in your situation but i’m just trying to help, honestly that’s my only niyat) i think it’s best if you concentrate on your marriage. Urge him to take counselling sessions for couples; find out if there is an Islamic center that would offer it IF that makes you feel less uncomfortable with the idea. But do try to work the marriage out, agar ho sakay, from your end. i know how easy it is for me to say this. But your marriage is your priority. There is a certain ‘problem’ with this net friend issue as others have pointed out: it may be that you are confusing your natural, human desire for companionship with the net friend. i saw this happen with my friend above. Please, please, please sort the marriage out the best you are able to Insha’Allah…urge your husband to visit an Imam or something who offers marital counselling. Your number one priority should be towards your marriage.
i hope you don’t mind anything i have stated above. Tumhari post parh kar, meri niyat sirf yeh thi keh main madad karoon. Don’t take anything the wrong way.
a lot of us who arent married go thru similar situations, but cus we aint tied down by life time relationships, its not as big of a risk. Ur marriage isnt only between you and ur hubby, it affects a lot of other people... i'd say just becareful and for the time being, not talk to this net buddy
Hi PPlz.
Thanks for ur advice.
I know ur all are right and i don't
mind what u wrote coz it's true.
I will try to work out about my marriage.
Also thanks to pplz who send pm's to me.
I am truly sorry from the bottom of my heart if this sounds harsh, sister I am only stating my opinion and trying to help you here.
I think someone needs to knock some sense into you girl. Grow up yaar!!! Do you not see your mistake? You’re MARRIED already and you have feelings for someone else??? Do you realise what you are saying??? This is completely unforgivable. Don’t worry nothing has been lost, thank God you haven’t said anything to that guy yet.
I think you should immediately stop talking to this guy on the net. And never again should you get involved in such a thing. Does he know that you are married? If he does, he shouldn’t even be talking to you so much. Says a lot about him too. You think he is very nice and decent to be talking on the net to a married woman?
Ghaltiyaan sab se hoti haen, lekin the important thing is to realise in time and remedy the situation.
No husband wife relationship is lovey dovey all the time. There will be fights, but thats natural, try to keep them at a minimum. Why do you expect that life is going to be all happy all the time? Its not going to be, no one’s is.
I think you should immediately stop talking to this guy on the net. Does he know that you are married? If he does, he shouldn’t even be talking to you so much.
Remove the fact from your mind that your marriage was arranged. Ab shadi ho gai hae. Ab shadi nibhanay kee sochein. Lots of people have arranged marriages and they live happily together. Try to work it out with your husband.
Your life is in your control. Don’t do such foolish things, be good and you’ll be fine. Wish you best of luck arright. And once again I am sorry if I said something harsh, I was only trying to knock some sense into you and help you out.
i think u were married prematurely....
u need more time to work up a relation....
i suggest, leave ur hubby for some time (no i dont mean divorce) and spend some time away from him....
u can use this time to think of the difference his presence/absence makes in ur life....
well irem has said to the point and practical approach, the way it should be.
Nilu even if ur hubby calls u with bad names so what? u him to be all urs, nice, caring and loving? no big deal sister.
All u have to do is start offering Tahjuud besides regular farz namaz and pray PUSH i.e. pray until something happens. i can assure u i have seen people many people who have personally told me that namaz ki dua and espacially Tahajjud ki namaz kay baad ki dua has something speacial in them that they r quickly accepted.
If your husband does't know about your net friend then you shouldnt talk to your net friend. If he does know and doesnt approve, then stop immediately.
About your husband, sort that idiot out, try talking to him about his stupid behaviour, if that doesnt help, talk to ur dad or whoever ur wali was at ur nikkah.
Hi Mystical.
I can talk with my husband about my net friend.
And my net friend know's im married.
But i did'nt told him about my husband behaviour.
Only who's know is my best friend (female)
I tell her everything, My dad past away in 2003
with other family i can talk about that things.
I don't trust one of my family only my friend Sobia.
And pplz i realize the feelings for my i-net friend is
not so deep so i hope everything will be fine.
Ive blocked him coz ive to think what i want and
what i shall do.
Anywayz thank u all for ur advice.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by MyStiCaL_MisS: *
No worries.
Sorry to hear about your father. I hope you feel better.
Just keep up ur duas.
All the best. If you wana talk just pm. :)
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Your hubby sounds bi-polar..You should try and talk to him about you feel, and see how that goes. About your net friend, get your own life straight, before you get someone else involved. Good luck :)
Don’t take anything the wrong way.
Do you not see your mistake? You’re MARRIED already and you have feelings for someone else??? Do you realise what you are saying??? This is completely unforgivable. Don’t worry nothing has been lost, thank God you haven’t said anything to that guy yet.