I was involved with a girl a couple years ago at university. In the start, she seemed sort of perfect and I was quite taken with her and it seemed to me (and she pretended as much) that she was very much in love with me .
However, as time progressed I slowly learnt that everything she seemed to me was based on dishonesty . In the first few months , she made me fall absolutely in love with her . It was only later I started to realize that it was all an act for her. She went to extreme lengths to hide things about her past from me. Now I am relatively open minded and can possibly disregard someone’s past , but her dishonesty was not limited to that. She was the same person but only pretended to be something else in front of me. I also began to realize that her affection towards me was linked to the amount of money i spend on her. if this was not enough to crush any self respect and self esteem i had left, I discovered through some mutual friends that she was desperately trying to get back with an ex boyfriend back in pakistan and I was being used to make him jealous. I was also her trophy boyfriend and she would always want me around when she was with her friends. I confronted her a few times on this , but she would always deny and had an excuse for everything and assured me that she only has feeling for me ; and sadly I would fall for it every time until one day a few weeks before graduation she broke down crying in front of a friend of mine confessing to everything I had suspected ( about her ex boyfriend and how she was using me to get back with him. I also later discovered that she had cheated on her ex boyfriend who subsequently dumped her when he found out while she had told me he got engaged to his cousin under family pressure which made them split up.)
I broke up with her after this ( a miserable 10 months) and soon graduated and came back home, while she stayed at university for another year and is now back at another city. Despite her attempts at trying to woo me back, I have had almost no contact with her for an entire year now. I realise that I made a mistake by falling for a girl like that and she effectively crushed any self respect I had. I resent the way she treated me but apart from telling her that I dont want to have anything to do with her I have never lashed out at her and simply disappeared from her life.
She emailed me a few days ago, saying that she does not understand why I am still so bitter about the past and that she just wants to know why I would hate her . I dont intend to reply and her content of her email really pisses me off.. But I have realised today that I need some sort of closure on this. In the last year, I have shruggedd off any interest any girl has shown in me and to be honest I think I am afraid of entering into any relationship for the fear of getting hurt. When I fell for her she seemed to be a perfectly nice girl who turned out to be a monster. What she did to me was so devastating to me that I cant get myself to discuss it with even my closest friends. Writing this post here has just made me feel a little better. I would appreciate some insightful advice
Dude. My condolences. However at least you realized that what she was and the way she treated you. They are men who get married to such broads and lead a very miserable life for decades. Yes you are bitter and you have every right to be. You were used, your ego was tortured and left to rot. But you did the breaking up and that is well a plus point. Now the point of this game is all for you to get back on the horse and score a touch down to gather back some of your self-esteem and respect. Rebound girl. For men it works wonders. Why? Because it is directed towards the two main things regarding our issues with relationships. The main ego and our prowess. Conquer and conquest are necessary to make us feel better.
Now for us men I would recommend hanging out with friends, being a complete chauvinist pig and if you are the type get laid. If you aren't well a lot of socializing and flirting. As any wing man knows there are plenty of fish in the sea and you need to ensure you find the right catfish for you. No random tuna shall do.
Now why is she calling you or e-mailing you so much? Simple. She emotionally depends on you and that is what you don't want. I would recommend you only contact her when you no longer think about her. If you still contemplate about how she acted towards you, you should not be in contact. That is how these slimy sea witches get you in the end.
As for re-entering into a relationship. Dude grow a freaking pair of balls and man up. God damnit you are the man. No woman can damage you that ****ing much that a hot to trot woman walks by and you don't even care. Don't make me come through the internet and slap you.
If you seek advice this is what I say you do. Consider this war.
Respond to the e-mail as you really want. Meaning be vicious. Be ruthless. Let all out.
Say you never want to hear from her again and this is over.
Call up the boys go out for dinner and drinks.
Hit on a hot girl even if you get turned down at least you stepped up and hit on a girl. That should do you better.
I think if you talk to her and tell her all the things you said here and let her know exactly what your feeling, it should give you some closure to have her know why and how she did you wrong.
Really CM, a rebound girl? How fair is it to some poor girl to be used to help the OP get over his heartbreak.
I feel badly for the OP. Mugofcoffee, the girl used to you, she did you wrong. How do you get past her - stop giving her power over you. If she still has the power to hurt you - she matters - if you feel nothing, merely indifference - she means nothing.
Not all women are like her - and if you close yourself off from another relationship - your ex continues to impact your present and your future. Like CM advised, go out, be social, meet people. She was a mistake - take a lesson from her to trust your instincts next time and not be taken in by a pretty face and a few tears. Don't be afraid to trust, but trust carefully.
As far a closure goes, that is dependent on u, not on you telling her off.
You want to get back at her? I would not send some long ass letter noting your anger and hurt. Rather a short, detached, might I say even cold letter making her feel inconsequential would do the trick just fine.
Move on, she is emotionally in the deleted files folder of your life, click the empty trash button and free up space.
From what I gather, you're looking for closure...not necessarily revenge. You dont have any romantic feelings for her anymore. You are just looking for a good way to move on with your own life and close this chapter forever.
A rebound girl is not the answer...playing with someone's life wont make you feel better.
You've already allowed this girl to really treat you horribly - dont give her another chance to do the same. If she is still asking you WHY then she really hasnt changed and engaging in an all out email war wont really help YOU.
IF you feel the need to write back...I would keep the email very very very very brief and cordial. Here is the reason why: she isnt worth the anger. Some people are worth the feelings you have inside and some arent. She isnt. Even if you are angry...showing her will only give her the satisfaction of knowing that still has some power over you. That you cannot control yourself and move on with your life. That you still care.
"Considering everything that has happened between us, I do not believe it to be worthwhile to engage in any sort of communication with you. That chapter of our lives is closed and will stay that way. I have moved on and so should you. Good luck! Im sure you will be fine".
Any reply emails you get should go unanswered.
Some ties are meant to be broken...forever.
Erase her from your life as if she never existed...delete emails, letters, gifts, cards, etc.
Case closed. Talk to a friend or a counselor/therapist (its actually not a bad idea to do this) if you feel burdened and want to just let it out.
err dont contact that girl. she will somehow convince you again that it was all a mistake and you will fall for her trap.give urself time.you will have someone great in life iA.
If you still contemplate about how she acted towards you, you should not be in contact.
err dont contact that girl.
ove on, she is emotionally in the deleted files folder of your life, click the empty trash button and free up space.
The only advice you should listen to. Don't write her a note, don't contact her, don't think about her, don't respond. You quit that **** so stick to your guns dude!
She’s a sket, she’s gone. Get over it. Don’t reply back to her, don’t anything her. If she doesnt stop emailing or whatever…tell her to jog on. She’s probably done the same thing again to some next lad and now wants some attention from some mug(of coffe) who did love her once upon a time.
You finished uni a year ago? So you must be 22/23. So young.
like sehrysh and reha said, don't go the rebound girl way, for anybody getting over a break up, using a guy or a girl to get over another person will just put another person in the same pain you might be in b/c rebound girl might get attached to you and think there really could be something so it's best not to lead the person on by flirting when you're on the rebound. do everything else that has been suggested.
and no don't see her as a b*tch, she's obviously immature and the fact that she still hasn't understood why you had the problem with all that she did, shows that she's not sorry about all that she did, she'll do it again and again
X2 gave a great suggestion in that a cold, unemotional, unattached, one line reply that you would like nothing to do with her will give you closure and give her a tiny clue that you're moving on and over her.
In the last year, I have shruggedd off any interest any girl has shown in me and to be honest I think I am afraid of entering into any relationship for the fear of getting hurt.
That is a very restricted way of living life. You are being unfair to yourself and to girls who like you etc. because you are holding on to your past. Not everyone is the same and not every situation is the same. You have learned a lesson from the past event, take that and move on. Easier said than done, I know but to accomplish anything, first thing you need is a strong will. Our world is full of monsters and life is too short...can't stop living your life from the fear of being hurt. Suck it up and move on.
This happens to lot of people and unfortunately heartbreak can be part of life. It just sucks when the other person involved was malicious and broke your trust. But it happened this way because it was not meant to be, as simple as that. Instead of ignoring other girls because of this, grow from it and learn from it. I understand you feel bitter, I would too...but this was simply an experience you were meant to go through. If you take to time to het to know ather girls around you, you will eventually find a woman worth your time.
dont talk to her anymore
