So I have this cousin who used to live in Pakistan but moved to the UK a few years ago. I live in the Netherlands so I never really got to know her. A few years ago when I was visiting my family in Pakistan I met her there for the first time (didn’t move yet). I asked if she used Facebook; no she didn’t because according to her only shameless girls have Facebook. She used to wear long shalwar kamez. I remember one time I didn’t cover my head with dupatta and she looked really funny at me, like I did something really weird.
Despite that I kinda liked her and we became friends. Now she’s in the UK and constantly keeps making selfies of herself and posting them on Facebook…with skinny jeans and tops and no dupatta/hijaab.
It’s funny how she changed as soon as the moved to the UK. Actually I have seen this happen before. A girl I knew would be a very shareef girl in Pakistan but when she returned to the West she changed 180 degrees,
like going clubbing, boyfriends etc.
WHY?
Why are some girls totally diffrent when they are in Pakistan and when they are in UK/USA/any other Western country? Why do they change so much?
You are thinking to yourself, “Why did she change? She was so much better before.” But do you not see the flaws that existed in her mentality prior to her transformation? I don’t use FB either and while I do believe FB is a breeding ground for fitnah, I don’t think that every person who uses FB is shameless. She should not have given you a strange look for not wearing a hijab. People should be invited to a good practice with gentleness, not in a way that makes the other person feel bad and potentially go further away from deen. A big part of faith is having humility and perhaps this is the hardest part to internalize and practice.
Some people change because they find the pressure to assimilate into to a new society and way of life can be overwhelming. Another possibility is that if one is not doing a religious practice for the right reasons, then it can be harder to hold on to that practice. For example there is a difference between doing a religious practice because your parents tell you to and between doing it because you have an understanding and appreciation of its importance.
@ OP , how is it going to help you or anyone to find out or pinpoint the reason behind this transformation? She is grown up woman and has the right to live her life the way she wants to, live and let live.
You are backbiting in a public forum it is also a sin and social evil. Think about it.
I do agree that she is has the right to live her life, and it’s not like i’m stopping from doing the things her or judgeing her (who am I to judge), but I do not think this is backbiting. I just used her as a example.
Anyway, from now on, I wil be more careful with my words
what’s wrong with putting selfies up wearing skinny jeans tops and no dupatta hijab? You haven’t explicitly mentioned that she goes out clubbing boyfriends etc apart from some other girl who is not the same as her. Does she wear revealing tops? if so then i guess you have a point.
She’s moved to the UK so obviously she’s going to try and fit in. That’s just like saying all Pakistani/Muslim girls in the UK who wear tops and skinny jeans are really shameless and must be avoided at all costs.
When you go/went to Pakistan didn’t you have to wear shalwaar kameez and cover your head to fit in? Similarly, your cousin is just trying to fit in.
She didn’t have the experience of a different country then, she probably looked at you funny cos that’s not what she’s used to. Like you’re used to western clothes, jeans, tops etc, she’s used to shalwar kameezes then. So when she moved she realised the different aspects of countries including clothing. As Summer mentioned above, she’s new to the UK and going to try to fit in. Even if that means wearing western clothing. Maybe she did wear western clothing in Pakistan, just that you only met her that once when she was wearing shalwar kameez
Don’t paint her in the same picture as the other person that you know that changed when they came here. Not everyone is the same. People are still shareef even whilst wearing western clothing minus the clubbing and boyfriends
Mu point is: people change when they move to another country. All I wondered was: what could be the reason. Like summerfruits said, it could be because people want to fit in.
Just to be clear: I am not calling anyone shameless.
If this girl wore loose fitting shalwar kameez with hijab/dupatta and usually avoided being in the limelight or drawing attention to herself (which is what selfies are about) and if she once really clung to these beliefs…then this is why OP is surprised to see her dress and act differently now. Bus; that’s it. A condemnation to hell is not being made. A title of sinner is not being bestowed. It’s just surprise and curiosity about the change and it’s natural to feel this way. I have found myself feeling surprised and curious/confused when people I know (family or otherwise) act in a way contradictory to how I have usually seen them. And that surprise is natural. I don’t think OP is trying to be malicious. It seems that her cousin was once very firm about her views in terms of dressing and socialization and she’s taken a back by the current change in her.
People change. Different environment, different people, new ideas. Unfortunately sometimes people only held onto faith because their parents told them to or the society they lived in expected it of them. They did not truly understand why only that it was an order. In a different place those orders aren’t there anymore they think they are “free” now so they change. Happens. May Allah save us from being misguided and may He strengthen our imaan. Ameen. You should be patient with her maybe she will change again with your encouragement.
OP. Haven’t you observed someone changing the other way around after shifting from Pakistan to England or some other western country? I mean, turning not so religious to very much religious.
Could be many reasons, we are not static beings and continue to change based on many factors. It’s part of growing as a person. Exposure to other cultures and life is limited at times and opinions are shaped by that limited perspective that can change with a major change in environment, change their thinking, views, behaviors.
On the other hand some may just be trying to blend in, doing it well or overdoing it in others’ opinion but trying to integrate to a new environment
Also, you may want to do certain things in pak and not be allowed to, or its a no no in the community. I suppose jeans and tshirts will be an issue in a good chunk of the country for a girl to wear. From being seen as not shareef to log kya kahein Gaye
One observation I had as a kid traveling between Riyadh and London often was of abaya clad ladies transforming into fashionistas before landing at heathrow, and vice versa…no judgement. I can’t really say for sure if both transformations were mere utilitarian adapting to environment, or one or the other was the preferred way to dress which had to be abandoned for the other environment.
As a matter of fact, yes I have. My mother par example. She Always used to tell me that she didn’t pray and fast regulary when she was younger. After moving to the Netherlands she made friends with some Moroccan women and started going to the masjid. Alhamdulillah thanks to her Iam who I am today:)
