Re: some advice please-feeling lost 
@sana
dats not true
oho…kya hogia ha kurdye!!
dafa kar onhu..
tenu mundyan di kami thordi ha !!
fone kar ke moti moti do char gaaliyan nikal de us nikamme ko… acha acha feel hoga :k:
Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
thanks skull dust!
Thankyou so much everyone for your time and support, i really need it and i feel greatful that even though i dont know any of you i can turn to you.
I will bring you upto date with the events of the past few days, and how im feeling now.
So i talked about what happened in the day with him in my prevous posts, that evening we went home and we were invited to a friends graduation dinner, i got ready and was waiting for some other friends, as i was going down in the lift co-incidentally he came in with me...
he stroked my cheek and said i looked beautiful, as much as i shouldnt have been and i feel stupid now-i was delighted, full of hope and happiness...i know im stupid i realise that now.
We went to eat at this place, i was sitting on the opposite side of him, all night he commented on the girls and waitresses saying how nice they looked and how wanted to 'eat one of them for dessert'. I was disgusted, hurt and very very angry. At the end of the night i walked out the restaurant, he came to be and asked ' are u angry' i said ' you are so disrespectful to me, your behaviour was so rude. we should spend time apart' and i walked off crying.
We got back to a friends apartment and played some games, somehow me and this guy ended up alone in the kitchen, he then was extremely rude to me saying how i was annoying and stress him out and he is indifferent to us now...he was saying this in a horrible way, i was talking to him crying saying how much he hurt me and how we could have sorted things out much earlier and things could have been different, he just made an annoyed face as if he couldnt be bothered to listen to me and walked off leaving me standing there.
For 2 hours i locked myself in the bathroom, one of my friends came to console me and drove me home.(uni home)
In the morning i went to my home to my parents, who live 2 hours away, and told them everything ( missing out the stroking hair and cheek bit) and i thought they would slap me, shout at me and disown me but they listended to me, my dad was amazing mashallah he said he is my friend and i should talk to him like that, i told them everything how i loved him and felt heart broken, and they understood and listened and made me understand that its his loss not mine, he is not perfection, and i shouldnt see him as something amazing just because he loved me and cares about me and just lots of different things that made me see sense, very very similar to what you guys have said!
I have gained a new strenght by reading everyones recent posts and speaking to my parents, so thankyou all and thankyou god for my amazing parents.
I saw him today. One of my friends was driving us to a placement in a different city. Me him, and 2 friends in the car, i was polite but thats it. We had to go out to eat, he asked me to pay for him, which really annoyed me, but i know he has money issues so i couldnt say no, but i made it clear its only because he is a fellow human being.
He then started eating from my plate :S i just gave him a funny look and he stopped. He started bringing up stuff we used to do together and i just changed the subject. He kept looking at me and talking to me alot, i didnt want to! its so frustrating.
At the end of the evening, he asked if he could talk to me, we went to the side, and he asked if we could give it another chance, i just walked off.
Feelings wont die over night, and i still care immensly about him but im also feeling some sort of hate.
I dont want to waste my time or energy on hating him, at the moment i feel bitter resentment, but hopefully with time i will come to neautral point.
I hate the fact that every day i wake up feeling nervous about what life is going to throw at me..it really annoys me :(
Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
ur situation is similar to something that happend to me 2 years ago. I had told my parents about this guy from day one and when i realised it was time to let go the strength i received was totally from my family, my father in particular. What im trying to say is im so glad u told ur family coz they give u sum strength that comes from some unknown place and when i found it i was so amazed at how i felt everything was going to be just okay.
:)
Family is the best <3
Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
@alvina
hey stay put and be strong!!
after reading this just wanna say that im a guy and know that guys tend to be attention-seekers. I know i am...
and sometimes i pull away to bring closer, to gain her. can trick to make jealous...
wanting her to want me. Her to come to me. given the fact that u two were avoiding commitment.
But thats just me. May be he pushed u too far away this time.
Your parents r supportive and so are ur freinds. thats lucky of u. But da decision will always be urs. U be the judge.
Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
He has pushed too far, he was rude and disrespecful and im not going to be played for a fool anymore.
yes i still feel love and care and i miss him
But i feel hate and hurt.
Tomorow i might be weak again, but i know i deserve better, i know i have my wondeful parents.
I have made my decision at this point, i dont want him. Tomorow i might come back feeling weak and alone again, but i just have to take everyday as it comes.
Boys are stupid sometimes!
Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
Ur strength is amazing. and u go girl!!!
You definatly deserve better. If he doesn't show u any respect now by being so crude to the waitresses infront of u then he aint gonna stop in the future and security is important. You dnt wana b living a life where ur always wondering
You are amazing and u will find a decent guy, someone who is worthy of ur love.
Putting it simply he just seems like a prik!
Hang on to that feeling of hate u have, it'll come into use next time when u feel weak!
Good luck
Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
hmmmm i get the feeling, he likes you, but hes not sure....about something. hes in two minds...whatever it is, its troubling him. i dont think hes as bad or evil as people have made him out to be..sometimes you love someone, but for certain reasons cant be with them....maybe has a reason.theres always two sides to a story.
Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
nadz- maybe so, but he has no right to shout at me, tell me im annoying and he cant be bothered with me.
He has no right to touch me the way he did just being friends.
Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
oh yess...sorry forgot to say that...yeh he def has no right, thing is your also coming across to him as soft, he knows that youll melt at the sight of him..i hope you dont....
if i were you...( yes and apart from all the crap hes said and done, i do think he likes you but is an idiot) i would ignore him for a while....leave him alone....
and how old is he..hes acting very teenage!!! if hes 16, ok...fairenough, but if hes in his 20`s...he needs to grow up!
YOU can do way better
Talk about love-hate relationship…
boy u r complicated
exactly my reasons to not date guys 
and stay str8 
Alvena
If he says he wants to give it another chance do this:
Ask him if he willing to to talk to your parents for the commitment.
This will show if hes serious or if just flirting.
I read the other part of your posts, he seems like a very egoistic and irresponsible person.
He takes advantage of you any way he feels like and when it suits him. When its his time to show some respect--he shouts and says he cant be bothered with you.
And i cannot belive he touched you yet again.
Alvena hes just trying to make you emotional again and attracted to him for his flirtateous needs.
Just speak to him as you would do in a friend relation.
Once again remember to pose him the straightforwrd question when he tries again on you - are you willing to propose to my parents.
If he says no - tell him then how dare you make such advances.
apparently, hes trying to get close on you and trying trick on you to make him get emotional towards him again.
he probably complimenated the waitresses like that to make you envious and emotional.
and i can not belive he made you cry....then f....g off himself.
But on the other hand, if you guys are medical students, it shows you are intelligent and career orientated.
I have seen mature medical students marrying/engaging during thier course, now they are graduated, working and happily married.
You two also have the advantge of the same career path and hve known each other for long= should have gd understanding.
Its not unrealistic of him and his parents talking to yours to get a commitment drawn.
Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
Thanks amir.
Ok well, in terms of him going to my parents- he is way too immature atm and irresponsible im not sure i want to marry him right now!
Also my parents thinks he sounds very childish and stupid and wont really accept him right now either.
I want him to know what he wants and stop messing me around before anything serious happens.
My parents pretty much know everything now so i can keep them updated and have their support and strength.
Also now that im not clouded by emotions and needy desperation and hurt and confusion and shock......i have thought back to the bad times of our relationship.
He used to tell me im unattractive, he once said he wasnt sure he wanted to be with me as his friends thought i wasnt some beauty queen...this was when he was 18..or 19...and i didnt talk to him for 3 months until he grew up and really changed, but he never made me feel beautiful and attractive.
The first ever time he has complimented me on my looks was on friday in the lift!
He wouldnt share things with me or sometimes when i wanted his help he couldnt be bothered to help me...like carry heavy bags from the station to my room.
He would constantly comment on things i do like cook and clean....
He was quite selfish and still is now judging by his behaviour.
He did have good things too....we got along extremely extremely well, and really enjoy eachothers company, when i was ill/upset he would always comfort me ( until recently), he encouraged me in my studies and career and i did really well in all my exams with his help, he was caring at times, some days he really tried hard to be good to me, he came from a very very bad background and made himself into one of the top medical students and was always keen to learn.
Right now though the bad outweights the good, in terms of his personality and the way he is behaving now i dont want him back as much as before.
Today-
He rung me 3 times in the evening, i didnt pick up, 4th time i did, incase it was important- he was asking about grocery shopping- our friend with the car was supposed to take us and another friends i dont get why he rung me and not our friend with the car!
Anyway i said we are going soon and cut the convo short.
In the supermarket he was like 'why arent you talking to me? please talk to me normally' i got a bit annoyed at this and i said 'i am' and walked off.
A group of us ended up having dinner together and to be honest, i was ok! i didnt feel toooo sad and managed to enjoy the company without obsessing over him, his every word and move. I did kind of feel i miss him, maybe i want him back a little bit.....but i have to keep reminding myself of how he treated me before and on friday!
Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
Alvena can you realistically see or enivisage a future with this guy? In the long term?
I know your feelings must still be confused because you see him regularly. You really need to think this over properly and stay firm in your decision.
Good luck to you
Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
U need to stay strong, and inshallah with the support of ur parents u will. The more I hear about him, the more i do not think he is right for u. Ur judgement was clouded with the love goggles you had on, and I'm glad ur thinking without them and putting urself first hun. Take care.
Alvena,
A guy whom you hoped to marry SHOULD be making you feel beautiful and special.
But for a moment let's forget that you once wanted to marry him. Let's forget for a second that he was your boyfriend.
Instead let's examine him as a "FRIEND." Should a FRIEND be making you feel unattractive? Should a FRIEND be telling you that you're not pretty enough? Shouldn't a FRIEND show some consideration when you mention that you need help?
You said that he "tried hard" to be good to you. Alvena..........a FRIEND shouldn't have to "try hard" to be good to you. "Being good" to you and caring about you should come more naturally in a FRIEND. Even a female friend shouldn't act like this.
Alvena, as I mentioned several times in my previous posts.........this guy doesn't even know how to be a good FRIEND........let alone a boyfriend. And a FRIENDSHIP is the foundation of a marriage. How can you have a stable marriage with someone who can't even be a good friend.
And before you try to defend him by saying that "Oh he did act caring at times." Do you really want to be with a "friend" who is so moody and treats you rudely whenever he wants and in a caring manner whenever he wants. It's like he decides when he wants you and when he doesn't. And he should be trying to control you like because it shows no consideration for you.
And now he's starting to notice you, right? Do you know why? I'll tell you why. Because often times guys will want what they don't have. Now that you're not paying attention to him, he's more curious about you. But that doesn't mean that he's "in love" with you. Do you want a guy who only pays attention to you when you're away from him? Or do you want a guy who ALSO appreciates your worth when you're standing in front of him?
I think you're on the right track. Take this time to focus on yourself and your interests and in the process you'll hopefully figure out if you even think he's worth worrying about.
Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
Im not going to defend him.
But i am not going to cut him out of my life in a bitter way.
I will concentrate on myself but i will still be be polite and cordial and in a group situation i will enjoy his company, with time hopefully.
The main thing is he was someone i could talk to for hours and hours and hours and have a very good time with, he has alot of short comings, and didnt treat me right, maybe with time he will mature and be different, but i am not going to sit around and wait for him.
People might thing how can she love him! he sounds this and that, and if i was looking at a friend and she saying this to me i would think omg she is so stupid, but if someone has been in your life for 3 years and you shared some special times and there was attraction and care its hard to let go as much as you want to.
Im not going to defend him.
But i am not going to cut him out of my life in a bitter way.
I will concentrate on myself but i will still be be polite and cordial and in a group situation i will enjoy his company, with time hopefully.
The main thing is he was someone i could talk to for hours and hours and hours and have a very good time with, he has alot of short comings, and didnt treat me right, maybe with time he will mature and be different, but i am not going to sit around and wait for him.
People might thing how can she love him! he sounds this and that, and if i was looking at a friend and she saying this to me i would think omg she is so stupid, but if someone has been in your life for 3 years and you shared some special times and there was attraction and care its hard to let go as much as you want to.
I know what it feels like to move on from something you had a strong emotional connection with for a very long time. If you can manage to be cordial to him even after his mistakes.....more power to you. It takes a big heart for someone to overlook the past mistakes and still maintain friendship. I would find it tough. Anyhow, you're on the right track about focusing more on yourself. And if you are destined to be with him in the end.......then may Allah make him right and good for you. And if it's not meant to be with him........may Allah grant you someone even more amazing. And whatever happens......may Allah give you the strength to move on and do what is right. Amin. Best wishes.
Pls note; I only said you should asked him if hes willing to propose to your parents, in order to check if hes serious or not.
I Think if a guy has enough courage to make physicla advances to a girl, then he should also be responsible enough to makea commitment with the girl.
You guys do not have to marry yet. I just meant that his and your side could talk and enter some kind of agreement. i.e engagement or Nikah.
Its also hypocritical that he finds himself not ready to enter into commitment with a girl yet certainly ready enough for physical advances.
I am not tryign to support the guy by suggesting this, I just gave you a final and best solution if you genuinly felt this relatinship shoudnt end.
Yes, hes is disrespectful, egoistic and greedy. But at the end of the day, im only sugesting the relatinship one last chance because no other guy is guranteed to be perfect. Girls who are looking for the absolute perfect guy unfortunetly will most probably keep on looking till they past thier marriage age, only then too lower thier standards, and i have seen this happening.
The main thing in a guy in todays age for a girl i think is sincerity. If you can determine he is sincere, then it also looks like he has a good career, and if you also cnt help likeing im then maybe you should take it further.
Otherwise, Alevna i can understand how you feel, and i think you might be even bigger heart-broken if you keep the distance and hear the the near future hes getting commited to someone else.
I agree with RV, hes certainly not acted like a good friend.
But i would also liek to emphasize that atleasts hes being upfront with hsi character, like any other guy would be once the initial 'impresing-the-girl' stage has past.
The truth is that, No guy remains as the perfect, prince charming he portrayed to be at the initial stages.
At that stage you are on your best behaviour because you need to be.
And its stressful putting on an act.
Any-way the guys seems like a immature flirtateous jerk.
It seems like the way he advances on you but doesnt want to marry (in the future i mean), showws he has not respect for you dignity as a girl.
I didnt read where you gusy are form, but if in Pak, but if you are in pak and guys are acting like this it isa big shame.
and he doenst evn seem to have mcuh self-respect either---I mean asking girls to pay for your expenses---how shamless can you get.
anyway. I only asked you to pose him the proposal question to check if hes serious this time. He doesnt have to marry you right now, only has to give some kind of commitment.
If he can show no commitment but still advances then i belive nothing is more suitable to him than slap on the face, and in public too so other people also notice and be made aware of this over-testosterone-fueled jerk.
Hes lucky your not my sister or friend.
Cool Alevan, im happy you told ur parents and are eased somewhat.
Keep your assertive behaviour going.
Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
Hey amir and others!
So after reading your post i thought hmmm i get what your saying.....i need to know his intentions and what he is thinking.
I didnt want to act all needy and pressurising so over lunch, i told him that i told my parents every thing and i said 'im not pressurising you or asking for an argument i just want a straight answer....if my parents looked past our differences- as in his family background and language differences, would you go and speak to them about us'
He gave like a long winded answer but the jist of it was.......he is a *******.....o.k. on a serious note...
Right now he wants to be free, play around with girls, have no stresses and responsibilities, he doesnt want to care about anyone but himself and he cant be bothered with me or anything, he was already short of money but he is young and free so he should go around spending it ( stupid and immature) but he wants me to wait for him. Also he loves me so much thats why he let go of me because he knows right now he cant keep me happy and also he feels attraction to other girls and feels guilty about that, the guilt is the main issue.
To be honest, its just a load of confused **** coming out his mouth. Im not going to sit around waiting for him, its his loss. He is selfish, he chose his young free life over a girl who truly understands him and can deal with his stupidness. No other girl will put up with him the way i did.
Im just confused now to be honest :S
Above is what he said.
The way he acts is also confused and immature and makes me confused, he doesnt want me to move on or to let go of him but he still wants to have his young and free life....
Argh!
p.s. we both live in england
Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
p.p.s. Im sitting in the library and he walked him...my heart still skips a beat everytime i see him....
SOOOOOO STUPID!