Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
Keep updating, will do you good, and no one is sick of you, i'm sure.
Just read your thread. Feel sorry for you but you are doing good. Keep it up and be strong. Make some new friends and find new activities to keep you occupied. Good luck!!
Wish you all the best :)
Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
Hmm. guess ure doin the right stuff Alvena. Just make sure that you make him realize that you're not his doormat or toilet paper. He can't use your shoulder when he wants to cuz he wont let you do that when you wanted to.. You don't really have to say that, but well next time he acts all "innocent" and asks you, you don't eat with me or hang out with me blahblah, just tell him to his face to act realistically. That it's hard to just un-like someone over a few hours on his whim. Also, just b/c he wanted out and is now givin mixed vibes, doesn't mean that you feel the same too.
I mean just keep on givin him the impression that you are also equally imp to make decisions in your relationship :)
(and yeah.. Im glad we all could help.. insha'Allah your situation gets better soon) keep us posted
Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
TOTALLLY MESSED UP ARGHHHHHHHHH
im so angry with myself!!!!!!!!!!!
I stuck to my plan soooooooooo welll! so so so well
But because of us having to work so closely together we ended up having lunch together and spending all afternoon together, he was more running after me still but i was getting more and more annoyed because i felt like i was losing control, then my group of friends decided to go out and eat and it was supposed to be like 10 people but it was me him and this other couple-not good,
I became really quiet and irriated and he was being quite distant which made me worse! grrrr eventually when we got back i was so heartbroken all over again:( he hurt his leg so i knocked on his door and went to his room to see if he was ok and made a bit of a fuss and in the end he was just like ' can you just go now'.
Now i am just going to disappear from his life! but i will get him back.
oh when we were walking to the restaurant he helped me walk in my high heels holding my hand and stuff-he didnt have to!
mixed messages!
Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
Ok people so i thought id update again and write whats going on in my head, maybe its clearer in words.
So after this bad day where i acting miserable and he was being all weird etc basically the above, i thought ok really got to do my own thing.
So i arranged a packed evening with the girls, i did bump into him after uni was over and after chatting for 5 mins the salam dua bit i said ok i have to go now and get ready, and he was like 'where, who, what how?' really sort of pushing me to tell him, i just said 'some people to places' and walked off.
I got back and some of my friends were in the common room so i went to sit with him and he turned up too, he had been out with 1 friend of a friend, anyway he didnt look all that great, my friends were complementing me on how good i looked :) anyway so i was acting cool and happy.
Anyway this morning i have woken up and i just miss him sooooo much so badly! i miss him, i miss talking to him and his company, i havnt had a proper conversation with him in ages, i miss him looking out for me too, and walking to me to my room every night:(
im considering asking him reconcilliation but know if i ask that it will probably end in him pushing me away and me being hurt all over again, i know im making him miss me and making him curious and he told a friend he still loves me so if i leave him be maybe he will come back? :(
Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
Dig a grave, make it comfy, and then all of a sudden, accidentally stumble into it.
Don't forget to stick the sign post first, then the stumble e.t.c.
Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
^hehhe
You seem to be wanting him for all the wrong reasons girl!! He's a little 22 yr old guy.. you need to be with a real man who knows how to treat you right :)
Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
thanks guys- just another update....i know i know ANOTHER one but stilll...
Made him curious last night but saying i went out with some friends, he kept asking who and i was like just some girl friends!
Today two things
First- We were getting a ride to a diff hospital with a friend, the friend stopped to get some petrol so we were sitting in the car, i asked so how is everything with you? just general question he said ' im just about coping, i can only cope with one thing at a time' and i said 'what i didnt say anything!!, and anyway i accept our breakup and its the best thing for both of us right now'
we went back to this friends house after for lunch and we were alone for a moment and he came and stroked my hair----randommmm
so a few hours later he came up- upset saying why cant you trust me? why cant u tell me things? why are u keeping secrets?- as in about last night me not tellling him exactly where im going and who with.
I said im not! and he said 'i dont want to lose you as a friend' and i said ' you havnt lost me as a friend but i cant be everything i was without the committment, its not fair' and i said look i just need some time. I also said we cant ever be what we used to be.
Have i messed everything up? as in trying to get him back?
Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
Well I think that you need (both of you) to draw a line b/w a platonic friendship and a bf-gf relationship. Stroking hair, or being naggy over why you didn't update each other on your life at every second is going beyond the platonic "friendly" relationship.
Would you let any other of your 'guy' friends whom you're not dating do all that to you??? Why don't you just talk to him straight up. But I wont blame you either.. cuz you want him despite how he treats you so you apparently don't really care if he walks all over you or does anythin at all to you that is hurtful or not... b/c at the end of the day all you care for is being his gf again.
That's just not me... hard to advise you on this one. I hate to say this but then you both would just be like every other gora friend-ly couple here... that is friends with benefits. You get all mushy when you need some lovin, and the rest of the time you go back to normal life.
Well I think that you need (both of you) to draw a line b/w a platonic friendship and a bf-gf relationship. Stroking hair, or being naggy over why you didn't update each other on your life at every second is going beyond the platonic "friendly" relationship.
Would you let any other of your 'guy' friends whom you're not dating do all that to you??? Why don't you just talk to him straight up. But I wont blame you either.. cuz you want him despite how he treats you so you apparently don't really care if he walks all over you or does anythin at all to you that is hurtful or not... b/c at the end of the day all you care for is being his gf again.
That's just not me... hard to advise you on this one. I hate to say this but then you both would just be like every other gora friend-ly couple here... that is friends with benefits. You get all mushy when you need some lovin, and the rest of the time you go back to normal life.
I wish i could see him as a the bad person your describing him as i really honestly wish i could! but i cant :( i dont know why!
I dont want to be his friend with benefits i dont want to stoop that low.......i want what we had before-respect with the love- he hasnt really touched me before....
I hate myself right now for acting so stupid!
Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
Alvena, I'm sorry to sound harsh, but I don't have much sympathy for you. You wasted everyone's time, including yours when you decided not to tell your parents about him and not to tell him about rishtas. You wasted the time of the people who brought rishtas in good faith. You indirectly lied to everyone, in my book, you got what was coming to you. Sorry, that's just how I see it.
Alvena, I'm sorry to sound harsh, but I don't have much sympathy for you. You wasted everyone's time, including yours when you decided not to tell your parents about him and not to tell him about rishtas. You wasted the time of the people who brought rishtas in good faith. You indirectly lied to everyone, in my book, you got what was coming to you. Sorry, that's just how I see it.
Thats fine
Ok first- i told him i was getting rishtas but not full on details of each person because whats the point if they dont work out or get serious
2- i was not going to tell my parents because we arent ready for marriage, they would have panicked and assumed i was up to all sorts when i wasnt
they know hes a very good friend of mine but not that we shared mutual feelings.
This is one place i can come to help me cope and i am greatful for everyone who has suppported me despite me being a silly little girl or whatever.
Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
No use crying over spilt milk. When you told him you were gettin rishtas - details or not- why didn't he jump up to make a plan to own you or take sum steps abt it (like talk to his parents... or w/e)???? Wasn't he worried that he might just lose you... or that he was even risking everything he felt for you by exposing you to this potential rishta business??
Why didn't HE force you to tell your parents abt him...??? From what I see, he couldn't have cared less for that.
Also, if you'd told your parents.. they would've expected him, since obv he's the guy, to make the next move or take initiative or w/e. Seems to be like your ex isn't the kind to be wearing those shoes...
Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
He was worried but i brushed away our worries by saying it was nothing serious, nothing came of it etc etc
to be honest i was trying to keep everyone happy, me, him and my parents. We didnt tell our parents because we thought they would force us to stay apart so we didnt risk it, and were waiting until the right time came....obviously other factors have taken us apart now.
We both study medicine and you cant just get married in the middle of it!
Yes we were cowardly but at the time we thought it was for the best.
My parents are chilled out compared to his, if his parents new something like this he would have got the beats!
Re: some advice please-feeling lost 
Alvena.. why are you hell bent on making things so complicated for yourself? I don’t get you at all. He doesn’t want you. He can tell a million mates of his that he loves you, but he can’t tell you? Wth, I salute his love for you 
Even if he genuinely does have feelings for you, haven’t you realised.. he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you! Infact, he doesn’t even know what he wants. So if he doesn’t know, who told you to play the psychologist and work out he still loves you but isn’t ready to commit? How do you know, or why should you even want to know at this point? He broke up with you! SO why are you running back to him? Now its upto you to work out what YOU want for yourself. This silly little game your playing between yourselves.. or a sane mind, where your not worrying about why he did this or that. Honestly, people in this thread have said this before.. I will say it again.. STAY AWAY from him! Maintain your self-respect (not by acting “hard to get”) but by truly focusing on yourself and maintaining a distance because you know you want and deserve better.
Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
I totally agree with chipkali.....forget about him!! Concentrate on your studies and find some activities to keep your mind of off him.
Re: some advice please-feeling lost
Is this guy the same guy as your crush? 
Alvena,
**
I agree with **Chipkali and Bhenjee. I advised you to talk to your friend about the matter because I thought that maybe some communication will provide you with direction or a sense of closure especially since he sprung his decision on you so suddenly and without much explanation.
At the same time, I also told you that everyone deserves to be in a relationship/marriage with someone who loves AND respects them..............and that you should NEVER settle for anything less than that. If this guy doesn't want you........or love you enough to want to marry you...........why are you "settling" for him hon?
If he says "I love you".........but also says "I don't want to marry you." That is really like saying:
**
"Sorry girl......I love you.........but I'm not "in love" with you."
**
Even an employer before firing you might say "You have a lot of potential and many great qualities but I'm afraid that you're not the right fit for us." Does that mean he still wants you to work for him? No, it means that he's letting you down as easy as possible. Does this mean that you should hang around waiting for him to change his might and hire you back? No! It means that you learn from the experience, move on with your life.......and find a job where someone recognizes your worth and appreciates you.
You had said that this guy has left you hanging TWICE.........that he had disappeared and abruptly ended things with you TWICE **without giving you an explanation. Forget being a boyfriend..........this guy **doesn't even know how to be a friend. A friend does not walk out on you without giving an explanation. A friend will try to communicate with you in a mature fashion. You cannot have a stable marriage with a guy who will **"end things" **whenever he feels like it just because he took notice of other attractive women.
Him saying that "I'm attracted to other women"........is like indirectly saying "Look, I like you....BUT you're not good enough and I don't want to settle" Even a married guy might be attracted to other women BUT at the end of the day he won't leave his wife because he respects her and realizes that she's too special to even dream of losing or leaving.
So, why are you settling for a guy who loves you as a friend but is not **"in love" **with you. Why are you settling for a guy who doesn't find you special enough to propose to you or commit to you? Why are you settling for a guy who feels he can be with you whenever he wants and then change his mind and decide to walk out on you whenever he wants because he saw other women whom he found attractive?
You and him shared a friendship......you have a past........obviously he's not going to be a complete jerk about it. He'll try to cushion/soften the blow by asking "Are you okay? Are you fine?" ** He might even say **"I don't want you to be hurt." After all........that's the least he can do after rejecting you, right? He can at least try to "let you down easy" right? The question here is "Are you going to settle for his sympathy and is this good enough for you?"
Alvena, take a break from him. Focus more on yourself. Pray namaz. Go to the gym. Get a make over. Work out. Pursue a hobby. Pursue your academic/career/social interests. I've found that this can help. Because when you focus more on yourself as an individual.....you learn more about yourself and what you actually want out of your life. In the process you might even realize that he's not the one for you. So don't concentrate on "Alvena his ex girlfriend"...........concentrate on *"Alvena the person." * Separate yourself from him for a while. This guy does not define your identity. You were never an incomplete individual. You were always a whole person before you met him........and will continue to be a whole person. You'll learn more about yourself and what you want out of life by taking a break. Don't take this as a "hard-to-get" activity, but more as a self-reflection period.
Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
"SHould i accept it, talk, cry, move on?"
Accept it; yes.... Move on; yes.. but to Cry over him?? Umm.. No.. believe me, you will have someone better than him and then looking back, you will laugh at your self for crying over nothing..
Alvena.
I was outraged at one of your latest post where you said he touched/stroked your hair.
Alvena, You should understand guys have this increated strong instinct of 'attraction', and I have a feeling its not love but this is what this guy really has for you.
and He already admitted he has an attraction problem didnt he?
Looking at how he did this twice to you shows he does not respect you. He seems to like being more than a friend, but when things get serious he realises its too much for him and wants to bail out.
In other words Alevna, this guy is selfish and iresponsible, he does not consider your respect and interests as a girl, he does whatver he feels like.
You must understand theres a differance between attraction and love.
I can understand as a girl you get emotional Alvena, but for once adopt a rational stance and evaulate what hes doing, and see what a loser this boy is.
Look, he has himself broken and brought down the relation to a 'friend' level, but is still making overly close gestures to you.
Touching a girl who you are just 'friends' with is totally unwarranted and wrong. If you were a couple although it s still worng but understandeble.
But look he has broken that relation himself and trying to touch you...what does this show it shows he has ZERO RESPECT FOR YOU.
He breaks up whenevr he feels like, and comes close again whenever he feels like, without considering the effect it has on you.
You know Alvena, I advise you to always be aware of him and ensure you never become in a secluded place with him. God forbid, somthing happens, you will loose your respect especially infront of your parents and there lifelongs goodwill for you.
I cannot belive this immature and iresponsible person is a medical student.
Alvena, stop figuring how to act, just act how one should act in such a situation.
One rule of thumb: dont appear over needy towards him. youre going good so far.
But when he acts over friendly, eithe rverbally or physically, you should confront him.
He should be aware that unless hes intending to marry, he should not make any advance to a decent girl.
He has made it clear to you he doesnt not want to marry you, then its obvious he just furfilling his needs to flirt.
This guy is extremly attracted to you, but at the same time does not want to loose his single freedom life.
Hes very irresponsible.
Have some self-respect dont let him touch and 'use' you if you are just friends.
Alvena you are wasting nobodies time here.
You can post and vent as much as you need. People need to talk about thier problems.
Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
Alvena, I agree with Amir Pindi and I'm also losing all the respect I had for your frined. He should not be tangling u further in his web with actions such as stroking ur hair when he cannot commit to you. You need to stay strong, and not let urself be a pushover for him. He cannot expect you to tell him stuff about your day and who you are going out with as if he has those rights - he has no right to such information.
It seems to me that he is not prepared to commit to you, but still wants to control you. And you should not accept the situation.