Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
thanks sweetpip!
and erm mclovin, everyone says just move on but its more than that but thanks anyway
whats the men are evil list sweetpip?
Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
I agree with what sweetpip's sayin and where he's leading you. Start blogging! Do you like to write? Venting this way helps too. But most importantly, you have to realize that he's happy with you, but he's HAPPIER without you. End of story, the sooner you accept that, the better for you.
Moving on is no easy task. But if you keep on thinking about the ifs and buts, it will take you longer and hence, it will be lot more painful for you. You just have to get out of your mindset. You have to stop seeing his good things, you have to stop thinking over the good times you spent with him and most importantly, you just have to stop thinking about anything to do with him. Why are you torturning yourself by waiting for his platonic advances on you (like you said.. you saw him online on fb chat and couldn't help your wishful thinking..)
If you don't stop doing this, that is telling your heart/ your mind that he doesn't matter anymore, eventually you will see him with another girl and then you will be all broken all over again. I wouldn't suggest you to jump into a rebound relationship, but it wouldn't hurt either if you were to get friendly with some other guys too. And while you're doing that, remember that you're doing that not to make him feel jealous (or anthing at all along those lines) but to live your life for yourself. Perhaps you will meet another guy, who's a lot more fun to hang out with than your ex.
Just meet more ppl. Make new friends.. go out.. don't suck at home. Obviously when you go to sleep at night, it will be you and your thoughts and you will feel all emotional, but eventually, this all will also stop. Try to adopt this: out of sight, out of mind
Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
I appreciate everything you are saying bhenjee and i amd definately going to distance myself from him when i can, yes i do need to get out of this mindset and im trying really hard to think we are never going to get back together.
BUT i am the kinda of person who gets what i want and i dont give up until i do, this is my personality and its something which is hard to change thats why half of me thinks if you try hard enough you can have him back maybe not tomorow but eventually.
We do all our uni work together so its very very very difficult to avoid him in that respects.
When i showed i was starting to move on he kept reminding me how much he loves me still, i keep thinking if i be the cool confident girl he feel in love with in the first place he can love me again.
This might be very very dangerous but its a risk im going to take.
Im not going to obsess over him and i am going to get on with my own life iA but half of my agenda is to hve him back.
am i very stupid? i think i might be:S
Re: some advice please-feeling lost 
But I don’t understand one thing.. WHY do you want him back? He’s done it twice now, left you standing there and wanting to get away. What if you get him back and he does it for a 3rd time? Heard that saying.. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.. god knows what they would say about a third time! lol ok, it isn’t exactly the same thing as whats happening with you, but its similar. Do you not want a guy who you can securely be with knowing that he is going to stay by your side and love/care for you?
Tell you what, just don’t think about all of this for now.. focus on healing yourself first (people here have suggested what you can do to stop yourself hanging about for him) and ofcourse, you’ll need time. And if you still think about wanting him back, then think about in the long-run sense and not just how your feeling atm.
Anyhow, I really hope you feel better 
Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
Thanks Chipkali
I dont know why i want him back! the thing is we got along sooooooooooo welll, we really had chemistry, and he admits this too.
I have been reflecting alot and both times when he decided he wanted to not be with me was when i became withdrawn, demanding and low in self esteem and seeking constant reassurance at the same time as him having his own issues.
Now for the most part everything is good between us, very good.
Im not going to give up on something because of a couple of hard patches, yes he needs some time away from me and im going to respect that and i need some time off too maybe.
I will work on healing myself and its so so hard because of how much we spend together.
But i did stop looking after myself and looking good and buying new clothes and i will start all that again.
I am going to take it a step at a time, like today im going to beautify, but i will see him today as we are doing night shift together. He is coming back to uni from home and we will probably travel to hospital together, now in my little heart there is a little hope that after going home he has reflected and missed me and everything will be ok BUT i have to tell myself this is NOT going to happen.
Ahhhh
You know what i have told you guys all the bad parts but we had majority good times, and i have a small feeling things can be salvaged from our time together on friday night.
I might be wrong and i might be stupid but like people have said before well you didnt love him enough to fight for him, well i do and i am going to take the risk and try and have him back. Yes it might be too littlle too late but what can i do!
Not by stalking him but being the girl who he fell in love in the first place and giving what he wants, space but support as a friend from me. Im probably going to come back crying on here in a few days time but....i want to take the risk :S
Lets see what happens!
becharay ki jaan choro..! we r just kids.. let it go.. keep yoself bz in other things and why u keep talkin to him? lol
and nobody falls in love.. love is developed in a halal relationship. trying to fall in love in a haram relationship doesn't bring anything but trouble. that's reality.. deal with it.. "ab bhukto"
Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
i am going to leave him alone, Thats what i just said, and im not going to keep talking to him unless i have to.
He is the one saying he is still in love with me, and we kept it has halal as possible.
Im not going to justify myself to you about what i was doing was halaal or haram.
This is hard for me and people on here have really helped and i really appreciate it, i might be really annoying going on and on and on, but some people need ways to cope and this is mine.
Re: some advice please-feeling lost
Its ok alvena, you can post as much as you like Just keep one thing in mind though, you say you want to fight for him because you love him.. well, it takes two to tango and unless he also loves you, fighting won’t get you anywhere. I would advise you to not have these expectations from him & stop thinking about him, but I can see you seem to have already made up your mind. I guess all I can say is, all the best. I hope things work out the way you want them to and I really mean that! 
Take care
Chipkali… you just hit it SPOT ON!!!
I would say the same to you Alvena. Seems like you’ve already made up your mind. Personally, I would never want a guy like that. You can’t force someone to love you back, and yeah, saying I love you is not enough… love’s a lot greater than that hun!! Goodluck to you!
Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
The the thing is that i dont think its that he doesnt love me, he has never been bad to me and always shown alot of love towards me and i think he got scared of being with one girl for the 3 years and the rest of his life.
We got into a comfortable place with no excitement no passion nothing, just yeah we are here for eachother whatever, i think we took eachother for granted but i was just happy plodding along, i also had my own issues and didnt give him much attention and he had his own, throughout the past week the message i have got is- Right girl-wrong time, also alot of confusion on his behalf and him not sure of what he wants.
Now i know i cant force him to be with me and i dont want to! But i know him well and i know he is emotional/sensitive and cant deal with alot of things at the same time.
This is why over the weekend i was thinking you know what, im just going to leave him be. Be polite and a supportive friend when he needs it but im not going to run after him, show him that im upset and im going to keep my distance, if he loves me and wants me after sorting things out he can come back and i will think about it.
I cant just forget him or get over him it was 3 years of a very close relationship, we shared alot and had alot of attraction between us.
Now yesterday, i was happy, bubbly, my usual self and kept my distance, he kind of kept following me around a bit, and asking me to wait up for him and trying to be quite friendly.
He got the results of something and mashallah did top of the year! but later on kind of said to thin air while we were waiting for a car to pick us up 'even though i did so well why am i so depressed'- i didnt answer.
We were standing outside and he said oh i have forgotten a book so i was like ok ill meet you at the hospital and he said 'just wait me with me even though i know you hate me'- i didnt respond.
He then messaged me to go and eat with him, to which i said no thanks im in the library, 15 mins later he came to library and sat 2 spaces away from me.
Now me getting on with my own life this and showing him that im moving on might make him realise im slipping out his grips and he may come back to me, if he doesnt, well i have made some head way to moving on, so i feel its the best plan.
I still miss him though :(
Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
Alvena babes...your doing great.....Your reserved and calmness is making him go crazy.
He still feels attracted to you and all. But guys are like this.
I also love all beautiful and decent girls.
Alvena babes...your doing great.....Your reserved and calmness is making him go crazy.
He still feels attracted to you and all. But guys are like this.
I also love all beautiful and decent girls.
Thanks BABES haha that word makes me laugh sooooo much!
since yday havnt seen/contacted him.
He has called me once and just came to lib now and i said hi from a distance and ignored him.
He came over like 10 mins later and asked me if i wanted to eat dinner with him which a rejected.
Man i am attracted to him, its so hard to resist and say no and ignore him, all my insticts are telling me talk to him plead with him!
ARGHHHHH
Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
i think ur on the right track.
From the snippets i've read, sounds like he likes the hard-to-get type...and the second you get close to him, he will run away again. I may be way off though.
Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
thanks sara!
Ok well, there is one flaw in my plan, which i didnt think of.
What he plays the game back to me? this hasnt really happened, but even though im kinda ignoring him he keeps coming upto me and chatting alll happy chappy!
I need to distance myself more methinks....
Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
Bah, one day of this whole ill be strong and win him back, and now im back to always thinking about where he is and what he is doing! :(
But i am going to get him back. This relationship can be salvaged! we love eachother just because he is being a bum doesnt been it cant be good again.
Im in so much denial haha
I think im going insane....
Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
hmm hang in there Alvena. Your on the right track... just let it be for now. Don't decide on whether you want him back or not, I mean don't just keep that kinda goal for yourself. Give it more time... hopefully he realizes everything you want him to, and doesn't just become one of those jerks once he finds another girl to hang out with..
Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
Thanks bhenjee!
I hope thing work out, im trying to just get on with own life and cut off all contact, and im trying to be that confident outgoing girl i once used to be!
I want him to know that im not just sitting here waiting for him.
I will keep people updated about progression, even thouhg im sure everyone is sick of me now!
haha
thanks everyone!
Re: some advice please-feeling lost
^^^ I’m not sick of you.. so you better update this thread!
I think like bhenjee said, your on the right track. I still don’t think you should have that goal in mind that your going to “win him back” because you might end up disappointed and hurt once again, but khair, thats my opinion and your choice. I do like the way your not clinging after him though, and keeping a distance, keep that up! All the best with it all and like I said, will look forward to your updates.
Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
awww thanks chipkali!
Im trying to remain strong and sticking to my plan......it was working for 2 days now im not so sure.
I think im missing him way more than he is missing me! i see him with his friend walking around laughing, as we are on hospital placements my close friends arent here with me making it alot harder!
:(
Re: some advice please-feeling lost :(
development! about 20 mins after writing this ^
he came upto to me and we chatted about our days i said how im doing well on the placement blah blah and we talked about his day.
I always play with my hair when i talk its a habit and he suddenly said, really randomly and a bit annoyed.
'what are you doing with your hair?!' and didnt look at me after that.
He then invited me to eat with him again, but i politely said no i have already eaten.
He then said you dont eat anymore and i said well im trying to look after my figure.
Anyway i started telling him about something else and he said, just tell me later im going now.
hmmmmmm