X2, connoisseur much? :p .
no paying is not my style :)
so cheap man..cant even buy her dinner. 
Re: so you dont love your wife anymore
I don't need to answer this thread. Hitchki is handling you people pretty well on her own.
Re: so you dont love your wife anymore
i would be interested in knowing the views of renowned male behavioral expert pcg on this complex matter.
edit: posted too soon. darn!
But life is good.
You have a steady job, no one else on the horizon really. You've had a couple of flirtations, nothing serious. No one worth making the giant leap for. You aren't even sure love exists so whats the point anyway. All you know is that you have two kids, a wife - and a job. Sure, it suffocates you and you feel like you are dying everyday. You were gonna do things, you were gonna blaze a loev affair but eventually you settled for mrs-right-for-now and she no longer fits and this life is no longer your own..
What do you do. Do you stay with the wife and kids. Dying inside, not in love with your adequate wife and reasonable kids.
What is the alternative? Casual affairs to keep the young dog alive? but stability for the kids...
I think as Desis we get stuck at honeymoon. What happens once the romance has worn off?
This rajesh-khana type needs a kick in the ass.
A friend of ours went through this exact dilemma, great job, 2 healthy kids, nice house, holidays etc etc.
dropped a bombshell after 13 years of marriage, however he involved his immediate family along with his wife and clearly stated that there were far too many differences within thier personality to continue, he was unhappy and has been for a long time, however continued the marraige (cause thats what your supposed to do)
His wife was like i will change to how you want me to be, but he cleary stated that he did not want to continue a marriage that was based on a threat of divorce as to the only reason to compromise her personality.
Anyway loads of family getting involved/upset/threats etc etc, but he just did it.
6 years later he is remarried and very happy and content with his life, has the utmost respect for his ex wife, however does not regret the decision that he took ( even though she has cut off any contact he has with the kids)
His justification through all this, was i could not continue to keep up a lie of a marraige when i feel no love or attraction towards my wife, i did not want to be one of those husbands who got his cheap thrills outside, and then came home to wifey, i wanted a life that i was content in and a partner that i want to grow old with.
lots of family still don't talk to him, however he says his heart is clean, and from the look of things it really has worked out for him the way he wanted it, and apart from some of his close family, none of us begrudge him, if anything we admire him for his honesty and guts he has shown, it would have been much easier to take the easy route and continue to plod along.
Interesting . . . very interesting 
A friend of ours went through this exact dilemma, great job, 2 healthy kids, nice house, holidays etc etc.
dropped a bombshell after 13 years of marriage, however he involved his immediate family along with his wife and clearly stated that there were far too many differences within thier personality to continue, he was unhappy and has been for a long time, however continued the marraige (cause thats what your supposed to do)
His wife was like i will change to how you want me to be, but he cleary stated that he did not want to continue a marriage that was based on a threat of divorce as to the only reason to compromise her personality.
Anyway loads of family getting involved/upset/threats etc etc, but he just did it.
6 years later he is remarried and very happy and content with his life, has the utmost respect for his ex wife, however does not regret the decision that he took *( even though she has cut off any contact he has with the kids) * His justification through all this, was i could not continue to keep up a lie of a marraige when i feel no love or attraction towards my wife, i did not want to be one of those husbands who got his cheap thrills outside, and then came home to wifey, i wanted a life that i was content in and a partner that i want to grow old with.
lots of family still don't talk to him, however he says his heart is clean, and from the look of things it really has worked out for him the way he wanted it, and apart from some of his close family, none of us begrudge him, if anything we admire him for his honesty and guts he has shown, it would have been much easier to take the easy route and continue to plod along.
What bullcrap.
Did he not think about divorcing her before they ended up having children? before building a life with her?
I fail to understand that a man can have a happy and content life when he doesnt have any contact with his children.
Re: so you dont love your wife anymore
^ exactly. selfish to the core, his kids are growing up somewhere without a father and his 'heart is clean', bravo, really admirable.
ager yeh ALLAH k leya isterha kerti to ALLAH to kabhi bhi is terha nahi chorta :hinna:
Hey guys
before jumping to conclusions about bull crap and how happy he is without his kids, lets not go judging his actions.
fact is, he like many others tried for years in a unhappy marriage, but like many carried on for many years because thats what supposed to happen.
He misses his kids like any father would, and is still involved in the lengthy legal process of trying to get some sort of communication with them.
We all said he was selfish at the time, only thinking about himself, should stay for the sake of the kids at least, some went as far as to suggest he should stay until thier older then leave her, however he made a tough call, which left him homeless and pennyless.
I don't know if he would have made this move had he known what way it would turn out regarding his kids however like i said he looks like he's enjoying himself in his new life.
Re: so you dont love your wife anymore
hitchki, if "life is good" and all the rest of what you said...it sounds to me like this guy is immature. And selfish. He's looking for that initial "fire" that comes early in a relationship. That can never last forever, those initial flames die down and you have to fan the sparks to get the flames again. a successful marriage takes work and must be tended like a garden. You have to work at it.
Those who take the "easy" way out and have affairs to get that fire back in their lives are selfish and are thinking with their "other" brain. It sounds to me like this guy is one of these.
Its also wrong to say that getting a new wife is to help ease temptation. Tht whole concept is in place to help women who need a husband - widows with children, poor women etc. NOT to ease sexual temptation.
This guy should be thinking about how to fan the flames back up in his marriage, not of whether or not to have a fling.
Re: so you dont love your wife anymore
Seems to me Marriage has become a joke for some people !
Re: so you dont love your wife anymore
why doesn't he love his wife anymore?
What made him fall out of love?
it is the routine?
needs further analysis
shouldn't you "find" yourself and figure out whether you're compatible with a person before having kids? if you haven't even found yourself, are you even mature enough to have kids? ppl in our community seem to put next to no thought into the kids decision.
there is a reason why God invented protection... use it if you're not sure if you're going to be with a person for long...
Re: so you dont love your wife anymore
I don't think that it is possible to draw conclusions on such situations without being involved to the very smallest detail.
I know i'm speaking from an islamic perspective..but islam is a big part of me. Islam is a way of life.
The whole "i should feel fulfilled in this world", "i should find myself and be satisfied with my life" is this western philosophy of stressing the individual. But in fact, islam calls this fulfilling the "ego".
God already says..that no matter what you have in this life after awhile it will become boring, meaningless, not fun. We always want more! There are so many people who dont have a good stable life and yearn for it all their lives. Because they think, that once they have that they wont want anything else. However, the ones with the stable life get bored of it because its routine. This happens to human beings to show the transiency and meaningless-ness of this world.
I dont mean to give an Islamic lecture. But i just think that the most peaceful and content people in this world are those who are close to their religion (whichever religion it is). For them what they do and get in this world isnt as important as preparing for the hereafter.
And all that i'm saying is easier said than done. Of course i myself am a prey to the illusions of this world. But anyhow, if that sort of thinking is adopted by individuals then there wont be dissatisfaction with whatever you get in this world.
Re: so you dont love your wife anymore
Person who think in this way need a consultant ASAP :
Re: so you dont love your wife anymore
people grow, differences develop and in most cases are mutually sorted out and accommodated, there is something called irreconcilable differences where people fail to accommodate each other's needs/wants/preferences.
The person leaving is not always the one who is at fault and its not immaturity driving it. In my view its actually more mature to realize if something is not working out and does not have a likelihood of working out and making a tough decision of parting ways.
Its amusing but if the example given was of some lady who left because her husband was not able to change himself the assumptiosn would be that he was an ogre, a monster a controlling freak and an abusive neandrathal and that she is better off without him, grrrrl power and all that jazz.
:)
^ Honestly how many women have u seen (or heard) in your life who left their hubbies (and kids) after being married for that long simply because they felt no attraction/love towards their hubbies???
but we do see (or hear) about lots of men doing that... y it is so easy for men? seriously WHY?