You have a steady job, no one else on the horizon really. You’ve had a couple of flirtations, nothing serious. No one worth making the giant leap for. You aren’t even sure love exists so whats the point anyway. All you know is that you have two kids, a wife - and a job. Sure, it suffocates you and you feel like you are dying everyday. You were gonna do things, you were gonna blaze a loev affair but eventually you settled for mrs-right-for-now and she no longer fits and this life is no longer your own..
What do you do. Do you stay with the wife and kids. Dying inside, not in love with your adequate wife and reasonable kids.
What is the alternative? Casual affairs to keep the young dog alive? but stability for the kids…
I think as Desis we get stuck at honeymoon. What happens once the romance has worn off?
wow !!! see the way i see it, as we all know nothing is perfect in this world except for Allah, khair that is another topic, so nothing is perfect and we all know that but the problem starts when we start looking for issue themselves, i mean agar we focus our lives on our family to be honest these questions and everything wont arise. lekin insaani fitrat we have to question everything and thus there is a shortage of happy ppl. One of my x bosses once told me danial what ever you do “NEVER QUESTION HAPPINESS” but thats what we do.
Now as far as your question goes unfortunately i do not have an answer for that :k:
That's a horrible horrible situation for a couple to be in.....I don't think it's normal and common to not to love your wife specially after she's given birth to your children.
Here's an idea. stop being so SELFISH and just thinking about yourself. Take responsibility for your actions and decisions. Your life isnt only about you having fun. It is connected to your kids, wife, parents, friends, Allah!!!
this was exactly my supervisor's life, right down to the two kids.
so what did he do? had a string of affairs and eventually divorced his wife and married the last one he was having an affair with.
he says he's happy and that life is great but we all know the truth. his lifestyle went from stable but boring to completely hedonistic. he doesn't believe in anything. he might not be having affairs anymore but he still lies to his wife and feels suffocated by her but in a different way to his first wife. all those days he doesn't turn up at work because he's 'under the weather', we all know it's because he's too depressed to face people.
I think, if you're suffocated "and you feel like you are dying everyday", the problem is much bigger than being in a marriage with someone you don't have those strong feelings anymore.
hitchki- first of all - you are a guy - then why the hell you have the avatar of an old lady?
I think you are going through “have it all” “done it all” phase of time - where you know you have a stable life, you know you have a face value for the “society”… you know you CAN always do something “outside” of marriage and still be quiet about it and still live happily ever after.
So if you are just bored in life and do not have the feeling for wife - then you MUST EQUALLY LET HER know that you want to swing and she CAN too! It’s only fair to her to get HER SATISFACTION in life as well. Who knows she might be putting up with you and may be suffocating inside as well.
~be happy~ by keeping the OTHER happy first :halo:
You have a steady job, no one else on the horizon really. You've had a couple of flirtations, nothing serious. No one worth making the giant leap for. You aren't even sure love exists so whats the point anyway. All you know is that you have two kids, a wife - and a job. Sure, it suffocates you and you feel like you are dying everyday. You were gonna do things, you were gonna blaze a loev affair but eventually you settled for mrs-right-for-now and she no longer fits and this life is no longer your own..
What do you do. Do you stay with the wife and kids. Dying inside, not in love with your adequate wife and reasonable kids.
What is the alternative? Casual affairs to keep the young dog alive? but stability for the kids...
I think as Desis we get stuck at honeymoon. What happens once the romance has worn off?
I think your question is very narrow. The question one should ask one self is..why would you want to be na-shukra? when God has given you good job, wife, and kids?. Life is what we make out to be..so it is up to us to get mature up and work your marriage if this needs work.
I would rather islamically marry and have another wife then flirting or have "casual" female companion.
You have a steady job, no one else on the horizon really. You've had a couple of flirtations, nothing serious. No one worth making the giant leap for. You aren't even sure love exists so whats the point anyway. All you know is that you have two kids, a wife - and a job. Sure, it suffocates you and you feel like you are dying everyday. You were gonna do things, you were gonna blaze a loev affair but eventually you settled for mrs-right-for-now and she no longer fits and this life is no longer your own..
What do you do. Do you stay with the wife and kids. Dying inside, not in love with your adequate wife and reasonable kids.
What is the alternative? Casual affairs to keep the young dog alive? but stability for the kids...
I think as Desis we get stuck at honeymoon. What happens once the romance has worn off?
its called the pseudo gora syndrome, perpetually bored with life and seeking fun n frolic in all the wrong places.
So far as the rest of you are concerned. I dont think that dissatisfaction with the way your life has turned out is "gora" syndrome. I think it's probably far more widespread then you people care to mention, because that would mean you have to stop settling and wake up to the possibility that all this that lies before you points at all of life one is just a wasteland of more bakwas and blandness.
well than maybe you should re-phrase your question, there was no legit concerns in there about being 'emotionally intune', seemed like a bored individual, you said 'life was good'...how about individuals being happy about that good life and taking responsiblity for their decisions and sticking by them instead of treating life like a sticky note.
well than maybe you should re-phrase your question, there was no legit concerns in there about being 'emotionally intune', seemed like a bored individual, you said 'life was good'...how about individuals taking responsiblity for their decisions in life and sticking by them instead of treating life like a sticky note.
*well then maybe *you should be so deficient. I described a textbook existentialist crisis. Who are you to pass judgement on what is and is not "legit"? If your (very sensitive and grown up) advice is that the individual should stick by his responsibilities and sacrifice his sense of self - that is valid. But it does lead me to wonder whether this "living a lie" is fair to his wife? What is the definition of fidelity? Is it simply fulfilling lifes tangible obligations?
Or is fidelity important at all, as long as a happy veil covers it?
Would the wife be correct to feel wronged if she ever read his blog, or should she laud him as a hero for "sticking at it"
These are important questions that many people face in their lives, irrespective of their racial orientation. All of which were implied in my opening post. Next time I'll take note to cover all intellectual bases and make things much more explicit for fear of losing people in the subtlety.
Despite what all the alama-e-mulana of gupshup say, I am well aware that "The Devil can cite scripture for his purpose", so I am chosing to very politely ignore their religious declarations wherever they find themselves confused.
So far as you saying that the nafs should not be "fulfilled" and you and the sufianah community would be in agreement, ultimately Attar would also have you writhing in mud for the love of a chrisitan girl. So we can not think it a fair analogy for this situation. despite which we don't all come from the same narrow frame of reference.
Interestingly the koran would have you remarry to lessen your temptation/sin. So is that the practicable solution to this problem? Advocating sawtans?