Lots of people plan their pregnancies and lots don’t.
I am curious to know…
Does anyone have regrets? Regrets about their deliveries or pregnancies? Something you would have done differently? Would you go through them all over again? I would.
When I was home fresh from the hospital, I was very resentful of my doc who didn’t push hard enough for a normal delivery. I was in a lot of pain and somehow felt that would have been different had I gone for a vaginal. I was also not sure if childbirth itself was something as beautiful as people make it sound.
About 3 weeks later, I feel different. There’s pain no matter what route you take. The end reward kind of erases all of the crap and the pain feels like a distant memory.
It's exactly 2 weeks since I had my first child so right now I am not sure. I however always wanted a girl so I might do it again but not while my son is at least 3/4 years old and at that time it will be too late for me.
I'm a guy, but I hope its ok if I answer here. :) I don't think I would have done anything differently during my wife's pregnancy, as I tried to be as supportive as possible. Wife was still working while she was pregnant, so I tried to come home earlier than her, and cook meals, wash the dishes and so on.
I don't think I made that many errors during the delivery phase either, but I really did not know what to do, so I just went along with the flow. As for the childbirth itself, well I lost my father when I was very young, and having the father-child relationship has been THE driving force in my life, so yes, to me it was the most beautiful thing ever.
Where I failed, is post the birth of our daughter. I changed jobs, and I have to admit that was not the best time to do so, but it was an opportunity I could not say no to. Obviously due to having a new job, I could not be as supportive as I should have been, and therefore a lot of resentment against me raised inside my wife. Thankfully we don't have any problems now, but I can definitely see it was a wrong decision at that time.
But sometimes in life, you have to make wrong decisions to get things right. I don't think my wife will ever forgive me for (somewhat) neglecting her during that period. But she does not bring it up anymore.
I've heard the same from a lot of women who didn't end up having 'natural', straightforward labours. Once medical intervention comes into play, there are so many what-ifs and with the stuff that is done, one would feel resentful and even violated to a degree.
I don't think I should have participated here, my apoligies.
There's no need to apologise. I think its pretty refreshing reading a dads POV on this topic. I'm pretty sure your wife has forgiven you, have you spoken to her about your feelings?
There's no need to apologise. I think its pretty refreshing reading a dads POV on this topic. I'm pretty sure your wife has forgiven you, have you spoken to her about your feelings?
Perhaps she might have forgiven me, but I don't think its something she will forget that easily. And I don't really blame her for that, I think considering my conduct in that period, she is fully entitled to have felt neglected. We had a long talk about it, and I expressed my remorse.
I failed her when she needed me, but I might have also made our future more secure financially. It was certainly not an easy decision to make. But thats life, can't always make the correct decision, sometimes you go wrong, and just have to own up to it.
I didn’t get to go through with my natural delivery so cannot compare the pain BUT I will say that the recovery is said to be faster and less painful. I could be wrong because not all natural births are the same across the board.
C section scars are also pretty hideous looking. Usually, scars are horizontal…mine is a vertical one…another gift. LOL.
I remember my cousin lived with us soon after delivering her baby. She had a natural delivery so the stitches were the most difficult part for her especially when sitting down and getting up. Somehow, it seems that stitches on the stomach would be easier to deal with than stitches down there...but I know thy both get in the way of things. I wonder if there's any lucky soul who has gone thru a natural delivery without any tearing. Haven't hear of one though.
The thing about natural deliveries is that no matter how many stiches you get, the wound heals. I had second degree tears down there and the bleeding lasted for 6 weeks .At the time I felt uncomfortable and anxious,but I got through it and within 8 weeks I was back to normal as if nothing had happened at all. Its quite amazing how pain goes away the weeks following delivery. My sister had a c section and 6 years later she still hasnt forgotten the pain.
The only thing I regret post delivery is how much I used to worry about handling my baby. I felt like he cried too much and that he was a high needs child. I should have just enjoyed that new born phase. It is the easiest phase of them all. It just gets harder as they grow up...
I remember my cousin lived with us soon after delivering her baby. She had a natural delivery so the stitches were the most difficult part for her especially when sitting down and getting up. Somehow, it seems that stitches on the stomach would be easier to deal with than stitches down there...but I know thy both get in the way of things. I wonder if there's any lucky soul who has gone thru a natural delivery without any tearing. Haven't hear of one though.
Yeah they definitely get in the way of things...lol. My BFF went thru a natural and was on her feet in no time. I am 3 weeks post partum and can't seem to wean myself off of my painkillers.
I still get annoyed when I think about it too much but everyday things get a bit better and I realize the end product is what counts.
I am trying to enjoy my baby...trying to forget everything negative. The best part of my delivery though was actually hearing him cry out for the first time. There's no replacement for that moment.
^ Why do you have a vertical scar, darlin? Was it his position?
Also, I get how you feel about the C, but I saw a very close friend of mine go through a hellish natural birth and it took her as long to recover from her 3rd degree tearing and stitches as it did me from my C- and I can honestly say I would never want a vaginal birth after seeing what she went through! My only regret I suppose is that I should have had a planned C the first time around too esp knowing how big kiddo was measuring. I am resentful that I had to go through all those hours of labour and a traumatic emergency C. Oh well. It took having a great birth experience as I did this time with my girl to fully neutralize the trauma of my son's birth.
I want more children so I have to do it again but not something I look forward to. I hate out of control you are in childbirth. It is horrendous. I think the body is designed for vaginal delivery and that area is more amenable to stretching than the abdomen. Also a c section limits how many kids you can have and the risks inc with each c section so If you want to have one kid then c section would be the easier option imo but not so much with 3-4 kids.
I have heard first births are the worst so maybe the next one won't be so bad but it may be a ruse to convince women to get pregnant again :O
I've heard the same from a lot of women who didn't end up having 'natural', straightforward labours. Once medical intervention comes into play, there are so many what-ifs and with the stuff that is done, one would feel resentful and even violated to a degree.
That's true.
I think most women are able to look past the bad experiences once they have settled in with their kids - that joy just outshines pretty much most things. Personally, my 2nd pregnancy was awful with multiple hospitalizations and a fatal result at the end, and although I've had two very straight forward experiences (before and after) - the awful one still has a grib on me and I don't think I could go through it again.
I would do it all over again, in a heart beat. But not for another couple of years.
I don’t like to think about what I would have done differently if I were to go back in time, but if I were to have another baby (iA!!!) I’d like to wait until my youngest is a little older. It so hard with kids close in age It’s so important to be mentally prepared and ready to have an other baby.
It’s so important to be mentally prepared and ready to have an other baby.