So Who Is The Real Whiner???????

Lifestyle Parenting, Household Affairs and Cuisine corner
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Kids or the adults who don’t have kids but fantasize of having an extra-ordinary child???

I mean come on, they are just kids, don’t expect them to behave like an adult. And don’t expect them to behave like you guys did when you and your cute little siblings (or your favorite khala, mama, chacha’s kids) were kids and very polished and well-behaved and well-mannered, never having a moment! Not every parent today is such an intellectual and well-equipped with great parenting tips as your parents were about 20+ years ago.

I am a proud parent of three kids… I am so proud of my kids who do have their rough moments like every other NORMAL kid would do. I am so proud and thankful of my social/friends/relative circle who, with their kids, never made any of our parties, or parties that we have been to, a DISASTER.. who do work together to make every party a real entertainment. And I am really interested in seeing such a badtameez, ill-mannered, inconsiderate social circle of people that other members of GS have, that come to their EXTREMELY ORGANIZED parties (shhhhhhh don’t mention the ongoing family/inlaws feuds and grudges) and ruin them.

I would rather not go to such little Miss Perfect’s wedding/birthday/babyshower/aqiqa/chauthi/mehndi/mayoon/goudbharai/chilla party who think that the presence of my kids would be a nightmare in their happy moments. Eh thanks, but no thanks……My kids would be better off staying home with me and my hubby, spending some quality time together, rather than with some punk babysitter off the craigslist, watching TV or playing V-Games for 6-7 hours while my hosts are having the pleasure of having a VERY WELL ORGANIZED event.

I also don’t understand how do some parents TOLERATE and let MISS/MRS XYZ teach their kids how to behave. I can NEVER EVER let anyone open their Pandora box of party-mannerism on my kiddos… If you are having problem with my kid, act like an ADULT and come talk to me or my hubby, rather than taking your job/relatives/inlaws related frustrations out on my kid… don’t try to play ‘parent’ with them as MY KIDS ARE MY KIDS… I know better how to ‘parent’ them SO keep your mannerism and etiquette lessons for your own offspring. You might be a power-monger for your family BUT NOT FOR MY KIDS. :slight_smile:

I am disgusted by reading the thoughts of some women, most of whom are not mothers yet. Listen Women, you are not going to bear a robot either, you will also give birth to a human child, who will have emotions, his/her individual personality, and some teeny-tiny embarrassing moments….

So wake up and smell the cookies before it’s too late. :slight_smile:

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Re: So Who Is The Real Whiner???

but what if u ARE a parent and u see some kid is serious truoble and their parent doesnt. What would you do?

I saw a 5-6 yr old girl fall from stairs whilst wearing glass bangles that broke. Across from the hall i knew what was about to happen, but got there a bit too late… I picked up her bangles and she had a bit of blood so asked her to go give the bangles to her parents or something and becareful with the stairs… she ended up doing the same thing agin 10min later :halo:

when a kid is about to hurt themselves, i think people shouldnt turn a blind eye just cus the kid aint their own…

i agree that people shouldnt be giving advice or watever.. but u need to look out for lil kids. I do..

and in reference to the baby-sitter.. nothign wrong with that. I know people who organise a magician or clown for the kids if there is a big party happening. I think its a brilliant idea… and i dont see too many kids having an issue with that either

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Re: So Who Is The Real Whiner???????

there is a big difference between a professional magician/clown and an untrained babysitter off the craigslist for some cheap service. Also, parties that i have been to have Magician/clown thing going on right in the middle or in a corner, not in a room somewhere in the back of the party hall. Kids are within our view all the time..... shall a problem arise, parents are there to pitch in....

asking a child to be careful for their own safety sake is completely different than TEACHING them manners for your own party pleasures. I never said to let others child jump in the fire and don't say a word. Read carefully...

Bait Bazi March 2013
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Re: So Who Is The Real Whiner???

Could not have said it better!
It really is sad to read some people’s opinions about such matters, but I guess it’s only a matter of time, when they end up with perfect little kids after their perfect weddings.
Has it become fashionable to diss children and look down at them, feel superior to kids because of “your intellect” ?!
Is this some sort of a gora-wannabee attitude , because I haven’t even seen goray like that.I’m also lucky to have family and friends who are loving and understanding.

But maybe I’m just hanging out with the wrong crowd. :bummer:

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i know first hand..karma (not the designer–well maybe) can be a big ol B. So i try to keep my mouth shut in these matterS :bummer:

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Some of the comments in few other threads on this issue just made me sick and broke my heart. Though, they were talking about someone else's child with this hatred and contempt but I felt the pain in my heart. We were out yesterday and I wasn't letting my children go even near single women because I thought may be they hold the same views as those women/girls on gupshup.

Prophet Muhammad(may peace and blessings be upon him) said that marry those women who are* wudud* (Loving) and wulud (fertile). I'm gonna tell my sons to marry women with these qualities even if they are poor and from different country or even religion.

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Re: So Who Is The Real Whiner???????

While some of the comments were out of line, I am a mother of four, and never allowed my kids to behave the way I see some kids behaving. Some mothers are genuinely not attentive to the needs of their children when they are out socializing. It is bad manners to allow your child to run around going crazy anywhere, and it really just takes preplanning (a bag of activities and snacks) and setting out clear expectations to control behavior. There is no reason for an 18 month old to be left to play unattended with other kids. A 10 year old or the television are not acceptable babysitters. When the kids are getting tired, it's time to go home.

I was taken to weddings, nice restaurants, friend's homes, and so on, from the time I was an infant, and I knew better than to run around or misbehave. I was not beaten or threatened in order to make me behave, and I had a very enjoyable childhood. I really think that there are major cultural differences in the way that we raise our children. Many of my friends believe that a child should never be disciplined until they are quite a bit older, and I believe that a little prevention and setting out clear expectations from a very early age (even a 1 year old understands the word 'no', and an 18 month old can handle a minute of time out), most of these problems can be avoided.

That said, kids are kids, and accidents happen. When they do, don't sit there waiting for someone else to handle the situation - clean up after your child, apologize for what happened, offer to pay for what was broken, and discipline your child appropriately.

We have friends with a 2 year old who bites - they think it's adorable, but all of the other kids hate this child. A little discipline when she started this habit would have stopped it early on. Now she bites people and giggles.

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Re: So Who Is The Real Whiner???????

I think most of us parents here on GS are the vigilant types who supervise our kids and make sure they behave properly. Yet, all of us have seen parents who are not vigilant at functions like weddings - they know their kids are in a contained environment and so let them run free while they socialize and visit. Invariably, there will be some of these at almost any wedding you go to.

So instead of fretting and stressing over it, a bride has to decide how to handle it. Either make it plainly an adult-only function (which of course will offend some parents). OR make arrangements for a supervised kids table. OR let it go and hope for the best.

At the end of the day, if a kid or bunch of kids spoil your wedding for you, its no one's fault but your own due to lack of planning.

For those parents who are offended at the offering of a baby-sitter/kids area at weddings...theres really no need at all to be offended here. You've all seen wild and misbehaving children at important functions right? No one says you have to dump your kids at the kids table and forget about them for the duration. But to have it there, in the same room and available if you want to have a private conversation or visit for a little while...well why not?

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I've never seen a 2 or 3 yrs old running around in a wedding or party while its parents do nothing to stop it.....

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ack, I have :( The mom was over-burdened and over-stressed and she wanted an evening out. Let her littles run wild while she had had a nice time for herself...she was thinking that the aunties and cousins would watch over her littles and what-the-heck, they were in the tent where she could see them. I have seen others - not quite as bad as this but thats kind of the general attitude of some (not only desi) parents. It would have been much nicer for all if there had been some sort of kids table or activity to keep them somewhat contained.

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Re: So Who Is The Real Whiner???

See this is the mentality I was talking about… I can also fill pages after pages bragging about how well-behaved me and my siblings and my parents and my parent’s parent and their parents were OR how many compliments I get on an everyday basis from people regarding the mannerism of my kids…. BUT I am TRUE and HONEST to myself and my kids. A kid who is angelic all the time is either NOT UPTO the norms for the kids of their age, or is just too scared of some sort of adverse consequence. Or, if it is a parent telling you how well-mannered their kids are in public all the time, maybe it’s just a BRAG……. EVERY NORMAL kid will sometimes have a moment or two in front of public. Maybe the host/other guests, unlike some little miss/Mrs perfect, were courteous enough not to make a big hula out of it.

No one is saying to let your child go wild and nuts at the social gatherings… but being themselves is the whole charm of being a kid. I feel so sorry for those perfectly planned and organized ELITES who are friends/relatives with such badtameez, ignorant, and illmannered bunch of people that do let their child go around terrifying the host and other guests. However, I have yet to see such a crazy parent.

The other day I was at my girl’s gymnastic school. This gora parent sitting next to me was going on and on, loud enough to make sure every single parent in the room can hear him, about how great his little girl is in everything, and how well she behaves. Five minutes later the same girl came out of the gymnastic class kicking and screaming as she got bumped into the balance beam. The girl sat on her bragging daddy lappie for good five minutes screaming and screaming and some more screaming, saying she didn’t want to go back to the class as the teachers and other kids are mean. Now the gora parent, who is paying $100 a month for just 1 hour/once a week class, didn’t want his well-mannered angel to miss the class (or let his money go waste), he started off so googoo-gaagaaish, trying to convince his girl to go back, but ended up (in the back room BTW) bribing her for a pizza dinner and two hours of PS3 after the gym class. The gora parent came back saying “hehehehe she is not being her usual self since this morning, she is tired and exhausted because blah blah blah happened…..” Okay, we GOT it.. WHAT AN EMBARRASSMENT!

Kids are so unpredictable, so think hundred times before you brag/go overboard about your little angel/or your future little angel + well mannered + an excellent listener + preprogrammed robotic kid, because you never know what wonders your little angel is hiding in their diapers. Usually the kids who according to their parents are the righteous kind are the ones that are going to end up with Ritalin or Concerta. :slight_smile:

PS: How come only the perfect moms/women are on the GS??? Is this one of the requirements here???

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im not a perfect mum by all means.. im trying to be a good mother and bring up a behaved child but i understand that a child IS afterall a CHILD and u cannot make them do what you are doing..

We're all just trying to raise good kids...

Wht r u doing ?
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Re: So Who Is The Real Whiner???

You know in the last thread, I asked somewhat the same thing. That all the mothers on GS have well behaved children, where are the parents of those REALLY badtameez kids that we alwasy hear about, the parents who do nothing but sit there and think its cute that hteir kids are acting violent or crazy.

And I think, although we haven’t seen parents of those kids we have seen parents who are defending what these parents may go through, and defending children’s behaviour

The thing is, we all agree that kids will be kids..but i am sure we have all seen kids who display behaviour that is out of the ordinary bounds of being a child; in majority of those cases its the parents who aren’t doing anything. But what may be an extreme, awfully bad behavioru to me, might be normal to you and vice versa. Most of us can differentiate between that behaviour, but everyone will have their own definition of it.

Parenting is a tough job, and I have been on receiving end of karma too many times to say “well if u cant take care of em dont have em”…ok i have nothing else to say, so i will just stop here. My two cents :chai:

Your Eye Colour
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Re: So Who Is The Real Whiner???????

I liked your post conservative girl

Sara - I raise my hand - my children have their melt downs and are batameez sometimes. (again because they are children).

They haven't distroyed anyone's else property or anything but did draw pictures on my bedroom walls with my makeup. Once my daughter threw up in a party.

They are not angels but they are not demons either.

But most my friends are in the same boat and are VERY VERY supportive.

Like I said before - parenting is not exact science - neither is rasing kids. Instead of having a holier than thou attitute, help a mom in need out.

Your Eye Colour
Your Eye Colour
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Re: So Who Is The Real Whiner???????

^ ull find that some people who have such smug/holier htan thou attitudes..have em about everything else :p

man oh man, i used to be so smug and have such a attitude just a few years ago... i still do (sometimes).

Ok before i say anything else i am outta here running away

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Re: So Who Is The Real Whiner???????

See this is the mentality I was talking about… I can also fill pages after pages bragging about how well-behaved me and my siblings and my parents and my parent's parent and their parents were OR how many compliments I get on an everyday basis from people regarding the mannerism of my kids…. BUT I am TRUE and HONEST to myself and my kids. A kid who is angelic all the time is either NOT UPTO the norms for the kids of their age, or is just too scared of some sort of adverse consequence. Or, if it is a parent telling you how well-mannered their kids are in public all the time, maybe it’s just a BRAG……. EVERY NORMAL kid will sometimes have a moment or two in front of public. Maybe the host/other guests, unlike some little miss/Mrs perfect, were courteous enough not to make a big hula out of it.

CG, I dont think anyone here has called themselves a perfect parent or their children perfect angels. My children certainly are not - they will get into mischief in the blink of an eye...which of course is why they are under constant supervision.

No one is saying to let your child go wild and nuts at the social gatherings… but being themselves is the whole charm of being a kid. I feel so sorry for those perfectly planned and organized ELITES who are friends/relatives with such badtameez, ignorant, and illmannered bunch of people that do let their child go around terrifying the host and other guests. However, I have yet to see such a crazy parent.

We are of different opinions here - I think its a lovely idea to let kids participate in events like weddings in an age appropriate way with supervision and structure provided. If a parent socializes, their kids will take advantage and be attracted to where ever all "the action" is taking place. As NJgal pointed out, her well-behaved little one drew on her walls....these things happen when mom turns her back for even a minute. This happens to every parent at one point or another no matter how "perfect" the parent may be. Are these kids badtameez? Nope, they're just being kids without supervision even if its just for a moment.

Kids are so unpredictable, so think hundred times before you brag/go overboard about your little angel/or your future little angel + well mannered + an excellent listener + preprogrammed robotic kid, because you never know what wonders your little angel is hiding in their diapers. Usually the kids who according to their parents are the righteous kind are the ones that are going to end up with Ritalin or Concerta. :)

Every parent I know of has moments of pride or joy in their little one and will "brag" at one point or another. Parents also stress and worry over each and every thing...

PS: How come only the perfect moms/women are on the GS????? Is this one of the requirements here????
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Like I said, none of here are perfect but from what I read here in Parenting, all or most of us are very vigilant with our littles. And when we have some sort of issue, we discuss it here...that tends to make for better parenting yeah?
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great post Mama :k:

Timepass - March 2013
Timepass - March 2013
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Off topic, but can anyone provide its reference?

Waris Miyan sab so jaande
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no mum is perfect and we know how unpredictable kids can be...mine drive me crazy at times...and i'm the one that could do with some time out...but kids will be kids...we will remember this adorable age when they are teenagers and no longer making us smile with their cute little talk and funny mannerisms...we will so miss these days when the only response we get back in the teenage years will be a grunt or shrug...lets just TRY and enjoy our kids childhood and do our very best

as for 'perfect' mums...the mothers who allow their kids to cause chaos and havoc don't realise that they are doing the wrong thing....they feel that they are bringing their kids up the best way.

we all have a different approach to bringing up our kids... i just pray that they grow up to be naik, mutaqi and parhezgar..InshAllah

Timepass - March 2013
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Re: So Who Is The Real Whiner???????

the issue is simple, ppl and their kids should try to meet their hosts reasonable requirements and preferences. If the host does nto want kids running around, its the parents job to make sure that their kid is not running around etc.

It would be rude to stand in the middle of someone's home and smoke a pipe when they clearly dont want you to smoke, similarly it would be wrong to let your kid thorow things around when there are expectations that need to be met.

At the end of the day we all have choices, if the requirements from the hosts are too stringent for your liking, dont go, monitor and manage your kids, or find somewhere they can be while you attend the party.

kids will be kids, but that does not mean when ppl go to an event they just let the kids run wild and do whatever they want.