when we enter our inlaws house, why is it alot of hum aise nahi kartey/kaatey etc. i cant even cut onions the way i want to cos they dont eat it like that, most things are their wayand even when i have a shower around afternoon time she will saywhy dnt u shower in the morning,why now?`, CANT EVEN have a friggin shower when i want. she will ask so do you know how to make pulao, sabzi etc…il make it…but of course it wont be to HER standards, never a compliment, just complaints, oooo ismein marchey hain, even though she cooks just about average herself.
its stuff like this that makes my head whirl, hard to fake it. and her daughter who got married is always here, literally. and they sit there and talk for ages. just them two. however if my mum rings me my own mother wont talk for ages cos she thinks my MIL might think we are talking about them, so my own mum will go or ask me who else is around, is anyone listening to you etc.
anyway, first inlaws say that our parents should teach us, then when they do, apparently its all wrong…
no u r not wrong not yur mom taught u wrong its really nice when your own mom said ke apne susral walo ka khayal rahkna and all im engaged my mom also says me ke wo log achay hain unka khayal rahkna husbnd ka khayal rahkna in laws ko apne ghar walo ki trah samjna baad mein ... but i know in laws never think like this ke wo kisii ki beti ko ley kar arahey hain nor even they think about that that belong to their son ..really im very dissapointed with my in laws too hate this ke larki waley hain tu kamosh raho etc unka jo dil chaye wo karey ... well for u just be like that the way they want do everything with love INSHALLAH all will be fine :)
I think every house has their own way of doing things and they always think others are doing it "wrong" or I would say differently. I think there is a greater demand towards girl to adjust to the guys family. A middle ground in this matter would be nice from both parties instead of nagging each other down. Sigh.
But guess what.... some girls feel this way even at their own parents' home! instead of in laws, its the parents constantly criticizing small matters and the children can't take the constant nagging/critcisim.
Its assumed that its easier for one person to adjust than the whole household adjusting to her. However there should be a middle ground where she can perhaps teach you the way she cooks and appreciate your efforts in return. I live with my inlaws as I learned their ways and the way they cook but They were always appreciative of my effort and that made me adjust better. Everyone has a tareeqa and you simply cannot fight it, you both have to find a middle ground. If ur nand is over, go sit and hang out because guess what they are your family for life and you have to take the good with the bad. Keep comminication lines open and tell her that you are trying to adjust and you are making effort and you may make mistakes but as an elder she should be able to guide you and forgive you and its just words of respect, it doesnt make you powerless or weak in front of her so put the ego aside and join the fambam revolution hehe!!!
but that doesn't really matters , even in two sisters there are lot differences, how they raise their kids, run their household, etc. Like many people said, there has to be a balance.
This one.. I have to agree with you Nadz. I've been through this too. Infact my SIL doesn't ever cook for her MIL when she visits because she is so scared that she'll have to hear their tanay on how her mother didn't teach her anything.
I don't think its about adjusment. Its just how some people work.
At the OP, I know its annoying. My MIL and SIL came back from vacation and i made a tub of biryani for them because I figured they would be hungry . it was the first time i made biryani , and guess what, they made daal roti and ate that instead of eating what I made. because apparently its not the way they make it. And yeah i also got the , its too peekha and too spicy tana later. on the plus side, my husband told me in person that he prefers my biryani than his own mothers so its all good :P. I suppose sometimes the MIL gets a bit threatened if the bahu starts cooking better than the MIL, so they constantly feel the need to put the DIL down a bit to make themselves feel better. I really don't mind, i know i cook well and my husband knows that, and thats all that matters.
On a side note, you should watch Durr-e-Shahwar (on HUM TV), it focuses on the issues bahus have to go through with on a daily basis with their inlaws, it pretty much covers everything in this regard.
But guess what.... some girls feel this way even at their own parents' home! instead of in laws, its the parents constantly criticizing small matters and the children can't take the constant nagging/critcisim.
lol that's right. Situation is worse at my side. My mother appreciates whatever i cook but we have a relative who lives in our home in a quarter on rent, she is a working woman. she is quite co-operative and contributes in the daily home specifically the kitchen tasks. But She has some dominating sort of personality.I am handling the kitchen , so, whenever i cook she doesn't eat it, she eats something else, I heard she has this perception that I cant cook lol thts why she doesn't eat whatever I make. My family likes my cooking but it is only she who is not ready to change her views :P I actually enjoy it because I know my cooking is not that bad. yesterday i made biryani and she was like itni PHEEKI? I was like "pehlay taste to kar lain" lol she didn't even taste it, she made raita with Full of NAMAK and eat the rice with it. Gosh some people are WEIRD and funny. I dont mind so...NADZ i also suggest you to bear with it, stop thinking over such issues, you have your children so focus on them.
Some people cannot change their opinions even if they want to so move on.
forget MILs yaar, my FIL is widowed and when i came in into the picture, store bought roti apperently was too kaachi for him to eat because i warmed it up over a tavah instead of directly over the gas flame. it was fine until he actually saw me do it that way one day and all of a sudden he was having stomach problems "because of me"...didnt notice his tanay right away till slowly it started to get to me, he would tell hubby, so and so is sitting like this, so and so isnt warm enough, daadi wont eat like this, dish water plates are put in like this, this doesnt go, that doesnt go there. he eventually stopped when hubby eventually told him he had to stop because he would do it to him too, and it bothered him too , hes just a very rigid man. the first two weeks i got into the house, my MILs barsi came and since i didnt know how to cook anything but american food, i decided to make some of my own dessert and pasta to serve along for the iftaar and the morning of, when he came downstairs and saw me, he woke hubby up, brought him down and said theres to much food, theres to much food because he saw me cooking my own thing while the rest of the food was being catered. and ofcourse that was far from the truth, there were about 40 ppl attending... one dish of pasta... REALLY?? hubby was just annoyed he had to be woken up for something like that, he just told him that theres a girl in the house after so many years and your waking me up to complain about something shes making for your wifes anniversary passing, really dad?? ... so MILs are not the only dramay bazz lol
My inlaws eat food that's been cooked a certain way. They drink chai with minimum milk in it. They have a snack time at the same time every day.
When they came here I just did it their way. Why should they change their ways just cause they're at their sons home and their bahu is living with them. It really wasn't a big deal. I drink chai with a lot of milk, so I made my chai the way I like it and theirs the way they like it. Don't let things like this ruin your relationship with your inlaws ...
when we enter our inlaws house, why is it alot of hum aise nahi kartey/kaatey etc. i cant even cut onions the way i want to cos they dont eat it like that, most things aretheir wayand even when i have a shower around afternoon time she will saywhy dnt u shower in the morning,why now?`, CANT EVEN have a friggin shower when i want. she will ask so do you know how to make pulao, sabzi etc....il make it...but of course it wont be to HER standards, never a compliment, just complaints, oooo ismein marchey hain, even though she cooks just about average herself.
its stuff like this that makes my head whirl, hard to fake it. and her daughter who got married is always here, literally. and they sit there and talk for ages. just them two. however if my mum rings me my own mother wont talk for ages cos she thinks my MIL might think we are talking about them, so my own mum will go or ask me who else is around, is anyone listening to you etc.
anyway, first inlaws say that our parents should teach us, then when they do, apparently its all wrong...
You've probably mentioned it already, but why don't you and the husband get a place of your own?
When you marry into a family, you become part of that family. You bring in your flavor but there is nothing wrong in them expecting for you to adapt into their way of living.
when i got married, my dad told me, "we have raised you a particular way but you are going into THEIR home. Adapt to their standards and expectations. I expect that of you"