Re: so what your mum taught you was wrong?
As u said ur SIL is always at ur house..doesn't she have in laws at home or doesn't she do any housework ?
Re: so what your mum taught you was wrong?
Reason number 28745423 that I will never live with inlaws.
Why don't you and your husband get a place of your own? My mom was driven crazy like this, maybe even worse, by her MIL so my parents moved out and to this day she still can't get over all the horrible things her MIL did to her.
Re: so what your mum taught you was wrong?
As u said ur SIL is always at ur house..doesn't she have in laws at home or doesn't she do any housework ?
2nd law of In-Laws
SIL ke in laws are always better than mazloom guppan ke inlaws
Re: so what your mum taught you was wrong?
When you marry into a family, you become part of that family. You bring in your flavor but there is nothing wrong in them expecting for you to adapt into their way of living.
Yeah but then what that way of living is like complete opposite of you and what you're used to, and you're made to feel ashamed of your upbringing and 99% of what you do and how you speak and how you act is criticized......it can be pretty unbearable.
Re: so what your mum taught you was wrong?
As u said ur SIL is always at ur house..doesn't she have in laws at home or doesn't she do any housework ?
SIL are always angels according to their parents...and if they remain all the time at their parents home instead of inlaws they are innocent but the biggest culprit is the daughter inlaw...
Re: so what your mum taught you was wrong?
Yeah but then what that way of living is like complete opposite of you and what you're used to, and you're made to feel ashamed of your upbringing and 99% of what you do and how you speak and how you act is criticized......it can be pretty unbearable.
An expectation of you to adapt into their way of living is one thing, and embarrassing and surprising daughter in law is another thing. Latter is totally stupid behavior of mothers of married sons.
Re: so what your mum taught you was wrong?
I can fully appreciate what people are saying above about adapting and adjusting yourself, but only to a certain degree, to fit into a new family.
But you have to understand most of these girls are being told to adapt to a family they barely know, after coming from a family they know inside out. This very 'girl' who has entered the house is actually a grown up WOMAN who has had a life time of different upbringing, her way of thinking is different (not wrong!), and perhaps comes from a independent working class background who wants to be able to make her own decisions without every little thing being dictated to her, I.e. How to cut some onions! Like seriously?
It's safe to say that boundaries should be put in place when first getting married. Also*I think a lot of responsiblity lies with the husband and his family in making things work. You need hubbys support. The girl could put all the effort in the world, but it would amount to nothing if the family are not receptive etc. It's NOT easy.
Many times the problems arise when husbands do not wish to set any kind of boundaries, they just expect the wife to fit into his family and accept everything the way they are. It of course depends on the kind of relationship the couple has, but mainly the background the husband is from.
We all know how things work on the Indian Subcontinent… the bahu culture does not give room for setting boundaries and taking any kind of control of the things either as a couple, either as a wife is a no go and I believe this is very wrong.
Re: so what your mum taught you was wrong?
You've got a lot of problems, NADZ.
Re: so what your mum taught you was wrong?
mum told me I was pretty :( :(
awww
Re: so what your mum taught you was wrong?
nadz you have to be veryyy patient!
everyone goes through this...we dont know how they cook their khana....and we have to learn their way of cooking....
maybe its not bad in their point of view that they r telling k do like this cut onions like this etc.....maybe they want to help you....?