This is really a weird topic. I only read parts of first page and parts of last page.
Anyway, I have seen folks decide not to have kids for the first 1-3 years of marriage. Reasons vary, and include things like spouse is studying or spouse is not fully settled etc. Personally, I actually advise ppl not to rush to have kids. In the last few years I have seen several divorces, and in every such case it was a relief that there are no kids involved.
However, I have yet to come across someone who refuses to have any kids at all, because it doesn't fit the life-style or that they are deemed a nuisance (to paraphrase). Hmm... I guess they should be glad their parents didn't share this opinion about kids.
Anyway, ppl make all kinds of choices in life. There are plenty of people who are parents and make you wish there'd be either parental training or license requirement before someone is allowed to have kids at all. :) And then there are many couples who are desperate to have kids, but can't, and it makes you sad to see them go through their internal pain. :(
^ But I wouldn't want someone who doesn't want kids to have kids. Why insist that those people procreate? Are they going to create a nurturing home for a child?
I don't think they should either. With such nurturing thoughts before the kid is even here, you can bet what they'd say when the baby wakes them up in the middle of the night.
One thing to remember is that its not a timeless decision. Plenty of women had made a decision to "delay" having babies, only to find "later" that its too late now and their biological clock has run over.
^ Yes, that's true. And though adoption is usually still an option, it's hard to have the energy with for children (whether they're 6 or 16) later in life.
I understand how tough it can be, when we got married we had decided to not start a family right away, she needed to finish her degree, i needed to get some career growth etc etc.
so then we started trying and had some issues with miscarriages, did not really go public with it, so people started questioning things...parts working and what nots, the usual. Now at that point no matter how much u say taht u really were not trying until recently, the views are nyah, u are just going public with it now, we know :D
So much so that one guy from my uni days asked if my parts were working and the only response proper enough for such an inquiry was.. send your momma over and she will tell ya whether parts are working or not.
7 years after we were married is when we were expecting, and lost them at birth with some complications.
I still get amused at the level of thinking of ppl when one aunty ji said that well atleast now ppl will know that there was no 'problem'
such is life..
anyways, people cant be pleased, be happy yourself and stop worrying about what ppl will say or think, because you cant control it, and really you should not be bothered about what someone may think.
^ Yes, that's true. And though adoption is usually still an option, it's hard to have the energy with for children (whether they're 6 or 16) later in life.
that is true..someone we know did not have kids and teh couple was aganst adoption, well the husband mostly. When we adopted and they saw the family and friends around us embrace the kids and i suppose some of the fears and concerns they had vanished they wanted to adopt as well. with bot in their 50s we had advised them to atleast go for toddlers or 3 year olds etc, but they chose to adopt a newborn and a lil toddler.
end result? they dont have the energy to handle that and the kids are being raised by sisters, nieces and the couple.
a question that a lot of people think of. unmarried young adults in their 30 and 40s especially do.
biologically and socially, the rewards of having a child are immense, no doubt about that.
but committing to taking care of this life, in today's times is not.
having a child demands having a good partner with whom to have a child. there are countless stories of single mothers or fathers who have had very tough time raising their children well.
the ultimate scare is- not being around for own child.
yeah, one joke around the family is.... wait..he was born ion august, werent you over in that area for a 'business' trip the november before? initiator of that joke...begum.
but the funny thing is that ani looks just like begum did when she was a kid, ppl get amazed when they see begums childhood pics and ani.
It's just an example, wether you want kids or not, I don't care...
My little cuzzy is 19 now, I think so konfused :D...haven't met him for awhile...
His wife is 1 0r 2 months older. You know, they ehhmmm and the girl got pregnant.
Oh man, that was some crazy sh'tty time for them. It is a shock, what do you do?
What can you do? Abort it, KILL IT, **** IT OR ****** KEEP HIM.
The surprising thing is they kept him what many would HAVE ***** DENIED, REJECTED, KILLED. HOLLA 2 DAT. It was a shock for the family, for the entire muslim community, friends and relatives. Everyone knew, but both said we did it and we want it.
People said, bachon ko bacha milra hai, how will they handle? It's not wanting it or not, it's just a question of being responsible and the REAL surprising thing is that 16 years old kids
are more matured and responsible than a bunch of 26 yrs old.
proppa education from the parents side and you will never see a kid going nuts against them.
Numb, you seem to have your own views and that's fine but it seems like you're implying that everyone MUST have children. I don't agree. Just like marriage isn't for everyone, kids are not either. It's a very personal decision and NOONE has a right to judge them for it. If a couple decides not to have any babies then you know what, it's their life, it's their decision, others can't go around telling them, oh tum pachtao gey or bla bla.
Maybe not everyone should have children, and if a coupe is not inclined to do so, why is it anyone else's business? Understandably, it would be a threat to society is the majority of people decided to forego childbearing, but that is obviously not the case. Having a child so that one can 'continue the family name' or to avoid dying alone seem like much more selfish motives than choosing not to have a child. Is it better to have a child because that is what is expected then turn it over to be raised by the television? And, as other posters mentioned, should one struggle with fertility problems (which can occur at any age and after any number of children) adoption is certainly an option.
Hi guys,
I recently came back from Pakistan and it was fun but the eternal question of “Bachay” haunted me through out my stay of 25 days. You see I have been married for five years and at this point of our lives we do not want kids. It is a mutual decision and this was how I always imagined my married life. My friends and family used to say that you are crazy because a girl should have kids soon after marriage but I always disagreed. All of them have one or two kids by now and they now think that I am making a big mistake. But at least I can argue with my friends or family but when it comes to in-laws and further in-law family I can’t argue. And their first impression automatically is assuming that we are unable to conceive so they some times give me dua to read or ask me to consult some famous gynecologist. If I tell them that we are not planning to have kids they never buy it. And I am sick of the rumors that we can’t have kids. It was so uncomfortable to even hold and kiss a baby in the family without having to see the pity in people’s eyes.
The thing which worries me is further down the road if I ever want a kid it would be my preference to adopt one but again you know even if I mention this option in my in-laws it would be like conforming their doubts. People in Pakistan typically think that who in their right mind will adopt if they are able to have a biological child.
What do you guys think of this situation? It is awkward to start a thread on this topic but hey I might get some good suggestions to deal with it.
when i went to pak, my MIL asked me to go and see her family doctor, one neighbour asked me if it was Allah's will or i dont want it.
I don’t like my own kid, but I want to adopt one…how can people adopt a child, but are not ready to recognize their own blood, flesh?..disgusting. What a thought process distrubing, to say the least.
In the end it’s Allah’s will, Allah decides who enters this sick place and who not. You can
use the greatest protection, you still can get pregnant and if you KILL it, suffer in Hell for that.
I hope God saves those babies from the parents, who didn’t want them in first place.
And I hope your parents didn’t want you, too. Was a accident :halo:…
I haven't read the whole thread but everyone makes it seem as though its in your hands whether you have a kid or not, what would you do if contraception failed you and you fell pregnant?