Agree with Reha. The reason he gave is the most bonga excuse ever. Seriously. So he will trust this girl over his parents? His own family hasn't said anything about marrying her, no official mangni took place between them and he trusts her despite this obvious lack of proof and something as concrete as his engagement with you. And on top of this he says he 'trusts her a lot." Well, if she has that much influence over him and if he has more regard for this girl than his own family, you and your family....then he should marry her. Let them have each other. Everything that you've shared about him is disturbing and his cute looks aren't a sufficient compensation for putting your life at risk. I think you need to lose him or the very least think about this carefully and weigh your options.
I really really understand what Reha is saying. But, why would he ask me if I was okay with marrying him and whether or not I wasn't forced?
I really really understand what Reha is saying. But, why would he ask me if I was okay with marrying him and whether or not I wasn't forced?
I don't know. Maybe he asked if your were forced because he was was hoping you were and then would maybe let him go. Or maybe he feared that his past would one day become known to you through other people such as this other cousin and so he'd rather you hear it from him. Who knows? We can't read minds, you should ask him these questions. I'm not engaged to him and I'm put off by him based on what you've shared. I hope things become easier for you.
I asked him why he cheated and what is the point of getting into a relationship without the intention of marriage, and he couldn't answer. He had four girlfriends he said, but only slept with two of them he says. Also, though we got engaged last year we can't get married for at least 3 more years. We were supposed to get married sooner, but circumstances didn't allow it.
But he also did say that he knows how to cook and he can't wait till I taste his cooking...in a way he's thinking about the future with me then?
He might not have slept with the other 2 but he still did have a relationship. Only 2 of them were when you were engaged? Is he same age and do you live in Pakistan? Just seeing your options. Why can you not get married for 3 years? What if he strays again this time? Will you forgive him again?
You say you trust him..but what has he done to deserve your trust? You love him, but does he love you? What ways has he shown this? When you say love, what do you mean? Are you sure it's not just the feeling of wanting to be in love rather than actually loving this guy?
OP, look at it this way, even if he was lying through his teeth about everything, hoping that that will make you not want to marry him, would you be ok with spending the rest of your life with this man, knowing that he didn't want to marry you in the first place?
Apologies but I don't think you're confused at all. I think you know that everything about what this guy has told you is wrong and they are blatant red flags but you simply do not want to see them cus you clearly fancy the guy and want to forgive him.
You keep asking WHY would he tell you all this stuff. You asked so i'll tell you. He is telling you because he wants YOU to back off so he can look like the good guy to his parents. You said he has seen pics of you before so if he was really interested in you then he would not have done all that stuff he told you about.
Most other posters are trying to show you the red flags also but if come back on here still supposedly confused then pls Troll go home!!!
Apologies but I don't think you're confused at all. I think you know that everything about what this guy has told you is wrong and they are blatant red flags but you simply do not want to see them cus you clearly fancy the guy and want to forgive him.
You keep asking WHY would he tell you all this stuff. You asked so i'll tell you. He is telling you because he wants YOU to back off so he can look like the good guy to his parents. You said he has seen pics of you before so if he was really interested in you then he would not have done all that stuff he told you about.
Most other posters are trying to show you the red flags also but if come back on here still supposedly confused then pls Troll go home!!!
Wow, no need to be rude. I was just asking for help. Allah ki kasam, I wish I was trolling. I wouldn't even wish my situation on my worst enemy. You must be in my situation to understand what is going through my heart right now. Honestly, don't mock a situation you haven't been in.
OP, look at it this way, even if he was lying through his teeth about everything, hoping that that will make you not want to marry him, would you be ok with spending the rest of your life with this man, knowing that he didn't want to marry you in the first place?
He might not have slept with the other 2 but he still did have a relationship. Only 2 of them were when you were engaged? Is he same age and do you live in Pakistan? Just seeing your options. Why can you not get married for 3 years? What if he strays again this time? Will you forgive him again?
You say you trust him..but what has he done to deserve your trust? You love him, but does he love you? What ways has he shown this? When you say love, what do you mean? Are you sure it's not just the feeling of wanting to be in love rather than actually loving this guy?
That is true, but the way he says he won't do it again and the fact that he has said sorry so many times, gets me. I don't know if he loves me, but they say Allah adds love after nikkah, so maybe the love will grow? I don't live in Pakistan. I live in the states but he lives there, but currently studies abroad . We can't get married for another 3 years cause I decided to do my bachelors, and I wasn't planning to before. So I got engaged last year thinking we were gonna get married since I thought I was done w school but decided to continue further studies, so couldn't get married. I don't know I just trust people easily, and that's kind of the main problem here...
But he said he has no issues marrying me?
Why will he have any issues marrying you? You're a perfect dulhaniya ready to forgive him. What's not to like? How do you know he won't carry on those relationships in the background after marriage? At the very least at time of engagement he should have told he had all this happening. Why now?
That is true, but the way he says he won't do it again and the fact that he has said sorry so many times, gets me. I don't know if he loves me, but they say Allah adds love after nikkah, so maybe the love will grow? I don't live in Pakistan. I live in the states but he lives there, but currently studies abroad . We can't get married for another 3 years cause I decided to do my bachelors, and I wasn't planning to before. So I got engaged last year thinking we were gonna get married since I thought I was done w school but decided to continue further studies, so couldn't get married. I don't know I just trust people easily, and that's kind of the main problem here...
What if he is not the right one for you and love is not added after nikkah? At least at the time of nikkah both of you must like some things about each other even like each other a lot..that way if you face troubling times, as all marriages do, then you have that to hold onto. Otherwise it's a risk and looking at his actions there is a lot of risk in the situation.
I mean he wouldn't say that he would do it again would he? The fact that he says sorry means he knows what he does is morally wrong. But how does he rebuild that trust again? What concrete steps is he going to take to make it up to you? What steps has he taken to get to know you? How do you know yuo can trust him if u dont trust easily?
You can get to know each other in those years if you trust that he will remain loyal. However, he lives in another country and as trust is already damaged so can you really trust him in the next 3 years? Better to know someone somewhat before marrying and technically you're engaged as well and your families know.
In the US there are lots of Muslim guys so there are many others. You're not short of options. When you get involved in campus activities such as in the Muslim society or Pakistani society you may meet others you can trust better and have better bond with. Why decide about marriage now?
Just marry him and chill. Then come back and open more threads.
Why do I engage with trolls...
it will increase traffic to life1
because you like the adrenaline rush of engaging and you see it as a challenge.
she could be a naive 19 yr old in love..doesnt have to be trolling.
OP just chill and let it go. watch frozen and sing along to “let it go”. Or let him go Like Demesne says.
Out of the 150 million views this video has got..definitely many would have been in this situation.
Why will he have any issues marrying you? You're a perfect dulhaniya ready to forgive him. What's not to like? How do you know he won't carry on those relationships in the background after marriage? At the very least at time of engagement he should have told he had all this happening. Why now?
Yeah, I agree, You're already giving him the benefit of the doubt and trying to look for excuses when his reasons are quite obvious. Marrying you will keep his parents happy and keep him happy because he can cover up any future girlfriends he's planning to keep.
Engaged girls are the easiest to manipulate because they're trying so hard to fall in love that it makes them blind. It's only 5 years after marriage when they'll be sobbing at their parents homes with two children contemplating divorce is when the reality sets in. This happened to my cousin. Her fiance also her cousin (but not mine) wanted to keep things hidden when they talked on the phone. He was just so weird. Everything he said at the time was such a red flag but she was ready to forgive him. All she did was stare at her phone and get nervous and upset if he failed to call. Like falling in love shouldn't be such a forced chore. Now, after marriage when the honeymoon period was over she's realized what we meant and even her parents believe they made the wrong decision.
Just remember it's not you who's the issue it's him. He's shady, kind of dumb and he's trying to manipulate you into being docile finance who gives him a thumbs up to continue cheating on you or he's getting you to break up with him. When you look at the whys indirectly you're looking to blame yourself. You shouldn't. When he creates his own messes he should clean them up, not you.
And honestly he sounds dumb. Do you really want to have kids with this guy? What if after you have three kids he decides the other cousin also deserves a chance. He just doesn't sound trustworthy so remember it's not just you who has to live with the threat of this guy running off but also your kids and your parents.
My advice for now is not to engage in his sweet talk. He's not looking for love, he's trying to groom you into being the perfect bride for him. You have your life ahead of you and a degree to look forward to. Don't settle for this. Don't let him manipulate you.
What will your parents say if you back out? And what about his parents?
Right, because smoking, weed, drinking, clubbing, having side gfs and having sex with them, being "engaged" to someone else, and saying that he was pretty much told to get engaged was all just him being his adorable little guy self.
Like Demesne says.