'Kaamwaalis' are people like us. They should be hired to work not because the work is 'dirty' but because we don't have time to do the work ourselves. To find if something is disgusting or not, you can simply put yourself in her shoes and ask yourself if it would be disgusting if you had to do her work. e.g. think about washing the underwear of your 'kaamwaali'. If it looks fine to you and you can convince yourself that its Ok, then you should talk to her and share your rationale with her to convince her as well. If it doesn't look fine to you, please don't ask her to do it then.
ha ha. dont hire new maasi. ask your mil to wash your private clothes.
on a serious note, it is not good idea to ask your naukar to wash your such clothes. you can wash them by yourself too. it probably take 10 to 15 minutes to do it by your own. whatever on the bed-sheet, that is gross that your maasi making it big deal. isnt she hire for your khidmat?
and if something is stained.....undergarment or sheets.....with anything that might be, or might be suspected of being 'bodily secretions' then, at least in my family, it is expected that you will spot clean that portion before giving it to the help for a thorough wash.......
they are people like us and they shouldn't be expected to do what we would find distasteful just because they are being paid for the task.
normally the workers will not go to just anyone in the house about a complaint for fear of offending said person.....they will go to the person that pays them so it is not wrong of her to approach the MIL.
I am not Nadz's saas so no, I am not looking to flip the drama. It was a genuine question and yes, I'd call her Masi instead of "Nauker" any given day.
Remember you can call your sibling "merey baap ka beta" or "my brother". Both are right but 1st one leaves the bad taste.
Kaam wali sounds better to me. Maasi sounds like it has a negative connotation, because of the way people talk about there maasi's. We know their names so we usually don't use either of them.
Kaam wali = someone who works(doesn't sound bad at all)
To the OP
All kaam walis have their dos and don'ts but your MIL is a drama queen, there's no denying that. My khala's kaam wali washes the bathrooms whereas our kaam wali, told us she doesn't do that, nope. That shows different kaam walis have different boundaries.
It don't think the underwear is that big a deal if it is clean, although as said above, some kaam wali have different tasks that they are willing to do.
I am more shocked at your MIL making a huge hoo haa over this infront of your husband, that was definitely not necessary.
Actually no, I am sorry but undies etc are called "UNMENTIONABLES" for a reason. I don't know why you literally want your "dirty laundry" aired in public. Aren't you embarrassed? Is it worth it to have such rude things mentioned?
I don't even give my regular clothes for washing, I do it myself. You live in Peshawar. You married into family. You would know the mindset. When will you get with the program? Use the opportunity to tell your husband to get you a washing machine OR go and use the washing machine YOURSELF.
Far as I can tell from your posts, you don't cook/clean or do any household chores. You can take the time to machine wash your undies yourself.
It don't think the underwear is that big a deal if it is clean, although as said above, some kaam wali have different tasks that they are willing to do.
I am more shocked at your MIL making a huge hoo haa over this infront of your husband, that was definitely not necessary.
She knows her MIL
She knows the kaam wali
She knows how this family works
Why does she keep giving them reason to critique her?
If this happened in front of me, I don't know how I would stop my self from laughing hysterically.
With respect to parents and all those involved, kaamwali should have gone to you in private to raise a concern. However, if she is employed by mil, then I can see why she went there.
In life, there are so many more issues that require time and importance. This is really a waste of time. My two cents.. Ignore the whole issue. Your husband understands. That's what matters.
I dont actually call her anything. i only called her kaamwali for this thread. gods sake. stray away from the actual topic why dont yassss.
anyway, like i said the garmets were clean.
the bedsheet- i knew there would be drama, i cleaned it anyway however with all my efforts it still didnt go, even my husband at the time said leave it, she will wash it. i still said no, i know mil will make a fuss so im cleaning it, but the stain was still there, .
the mens undergarments are washed by her too.
mil believes i have no values.
once, i think my sister was around 12, left her underwear in the laundry basket when we visited, and the same kaamwali, complained to mil then, mil then went huffing to my mother and said dont u teach ur kids values........
so let me get this right…this is not the first time that it has come to your attention that the “kaamwali” prefers not to wash undergarments and yet you felt it was okay to give her your own?
men rarely wash any article of their own clothing while women often wash their own. my mother used to wash one outfit…right there in the bathroom/bathtub while she bathed. I don’t recall her ever having enough laundry to fill a machine load.
MIL is not being a drama queen then… you are. She has never spoken to you directly about anything so why would she start now? Furthermore, she might have felt that speaking behind your back to your hubby does not achieve the desired results so she thought to have a ‘group’ discussion.
I have a 9 year old and even she knows by now not to put her unmentionables in the hamper in the family bathroom. She puts them in her own private hamper, as does mama…and that too covered with some other article of clothing rather than just lying right on top visible if the hamper is opened.
^ kaamwali is working at your place since your sister was 12 ?? I am sorry but like your mil even I would value such a 'nayaab' kaamwali over everything else :D ajkal itni dayr rehti kahan hain yeh ...
Actually no, I am sorry but undies etc are called "UNMENTIONABLES" for a reason. I don't know why you literally want your "dirty laundry" aired in public. Aren't you embarrassed? Is it worth it to have such rude things mentioned?
I don't even give my regular clothes for washing, I do it myself. You live in Peshawar. You married into family. You would know the mindset. When will you get with the program? Use the opportunity to tell your husband to get you a washing machine OR go and use the washing machine YOURSELF.
Far as I can tell from your posts, you don't cook/clean or do any household chores. You can take the time to machine wash your undies yourself.
It's just a cultural difference.. In the west it's not considered embarrassing or shameful to touch or wash someone's underwear or deal with 'mess'.. I come from a 'good' educated family and at 19 I worked part-time in a nursing home and dealt with FAR worse.. Most ppl here don't consider these things rude or 'beneath' them in any way..
It's just a cultural difference.. In the west it's not considered embarrassing or shameful to touch or wash someone's underwear or deal with 'mess'.. I come from a 'good' educated family and at 19 I worked part-time in a nursing home and dealt with FAR worse than the maid.. Most ppl here don't consider such things rude or 'beneath' them in any way..
I beg to differ.
The term "unmentionables" did not originate in the east.
When working in a nursing home it is "expected" and "part of your job" to deal with someone's undergarments/incontinence. It comes with the territory. This is not the case with a housekeeper.
^'Unmentionables' really isn't used anymore.. seems more like values from Victorian England or something.. This sort of thinking is no longer common in the west..
And no, I didn't realise I would be taking old ppl to the toilet and wiping their backsides for them if they needed help, undressing them completely, bathing them etc. My dad wanted us to be brought up thinking no job was ever 'beneath' us..
Fair enough if ppl don't want to do it, I'm just trying to point out that Nadz' thinking is not considered strange or anything to be ashamed of in the west.. I have NEVER come across anyone here who thinks this way..
