There’s this girl at work I’ve liked for nearly a year. We talk at work and go out for lunch with other colleagues at times. And it’s become pretty apparent lately that she likes me too, even others at work can tell. Honestly speaking she’s everything you’d look for in a wife, really sweet, funny, attractive and above all modest and not too outgoing (don’t bite my head off for this, it’s just that I prefer people who keep to themselves more, like I do).
So here I am thinking that hey maybe this is the one I should really go for, and out of the blue I find out that she is Shia. It was kind of shocking because it never came up before and even during Muharram, there was nothing really out of the ordinary. Which leads me to believe that she isn’t a kattar shia but a moderate one.
I’d like to know if anyone here has ever married someone from a different sect, and how it worked out. I hate saying different sect because until recently, I never even thought of myself as “Sunni” until this revelation made the difference obvious. I’m really confused and trying to figure out whether I should try and make this work (lots of hurdles, have no idea what my parents would say, let alone hers) or whether I should just let it go, which would be a shame because I really, really like this girl.
hmmmmmm...depends on what you kind of want out of married life..if you'll have your parents involved, you'll all be living together, then bring it up with them first....if they're okay with it or on board, then proceed with her....
That's what I plan on doing, just so hard to bring the subject up with parents.
Also before anyone says it depends on how 'religious' you are, I think I should mention here that I am fairly religious, as in I pray 5 times and abstain from haram. My family follows a very basic no frills kind of Islam, we don't have any rasms or rituals other than praying, fasting, reciting the Quran or taraweeh in Ramadan. I'm not even on board with stuff kattar Sunnis do, therefore a lot of Shia rituals make me very uncomfortable, particularly their practice of 'cursing' and excessive mourning/self harm. I am sort of hoping she isn't too hardcore on this stuff, and it doesn't appear so either.
She does like me, or so her friends say. I'm just afraid of taking it further because of this issue. Hard to just ask someone hey how do you feel about this. I'll try to work it in somehow =\
She does I'm sure. Statistically speaking she probably knows most people she meets aren't Shias. And those that are tend to have very obvious Shia names.
Guess I'm just going to wing it. See how things pan out. And try to find out meanwhile what my parents think.
How do you want your kids to be raised. With their Mom being Shia, they will go to Majalis. And going to those Majalis they'll learn about the Shia fiqh. So one out of two things will happen, either they'll become Shia completely or they'll get confused about their fiqh. Even if she agrees to convert to your fiqh, you obviously won't stop her from meeting her relatives or going to some event at her parents home. Well that's what a Majlis is, a social gathering. So your kids WILL get exposed to that fiqh.
^That's the kind of thing that concerns me. It's all fun and games until you get married and the real life begins. On the other hand it sucks losing someone you really like and have known for a while. What a quandary. =\
What you have to find out now is that will you and your parents be ok when she will practise her beliefs? They go to religious lectures in muharram, they break fast 10 mins late due to ahtiyat factor etc and similarly that will she be ok when you'll be practising your beliefs? You should talk to her openly about everything. My best friend parents are like that her father is shia and mother is sunni in belief and they have prefect couple ever and thats only because they never restricted or pointed out each other when it came to practising their beliefs. You, her and your family should be clear on this issue that shia sunni these are very personal beliefs and we all are muslims first. If you want to marry her do so there is nothing wrong but just keep in mind that if you both want a happy relation never point out each other. Respect each others beliefs :) and later when you have a family never force your kids tell them all and leave for them to decide when they grow up.
Sunni shia both believe in oneness of Allah and prophethood of Rasool Allah s.a.w so its time people should stop making secondary beliefs their reason of argument.
P.S I am in so much favour of muslim unity on the name of MUSLIM but I gave you and honest suggestion based on what I have seen :) Good luck!
These are things that can be talked about. If people want to make a relationship work, they can decide what they want from each other. It's not rocket science. Sects shouldn't define how good of a partner one can be. What's wrong with learning about a different Fiqh? We all are Muslims first and we believe in the five pillars of Islam. As long as you instill this basic knowledge in your kids, it's all good imo. And even if one claims the children will be 'confused', they won't stay confused all their life.
My dad's shia and my mom's sunni... and they got married like 28 years ago and still together. I think it depends on the degree of religiousness. Neither of my parents are really THAT religious so it worked out for them. Maybe you should find out about how religious she is?
If you fell in love with someone who was Christian or Hindu wat would your parents say about that?
I suppose if things do get serious it'll b her parents who may have an objection. Minor differences can be dealt with easily you should be open to letting her practice her beliefs as she pleases. And about kids, you can educate them about Shia and Sunni similarities and differences and let them choose their own path.
I have an Aunty and uncle who are Sunni and Shia respectively. Uncle lives away from home and has done most of his life, so it hasn't interfered, their kids have decided themselves which practices to follow.
My dad is a "kattar" shia, like hes got scars from zanjeer zani or what ever u call it and my mum is a sunni. We were raised with values of both, and we pray in the sunni way. Lol I remember I once prayed like a sunni in a shia mosque and was getting stares. Luckily people knew. Anyways, thats besides the point.
No it doesnt matter I think, unless either of u have serious issues with the other sect.
We are Sunni, but some of my Phophos are married to 'kattar' Shias.. No offence to anyone.
In turn, my cousins are married to Sunnis. The ones who are not religious and not too bothered do not seem to have any issues. Some who became religious later on, found that their views were very different from their husbands, and that brought much conflict in the aspect of child rearing. Their husbands wanted their children bought up Sunni. Most have compromised. One cousin is divorced and her ex hubby was Sunni. He also gave up his parental rights in the Pakistani courts to his ex wife, all children are with her and being raised in a very strict Shia environment, In fact, she is now married into a very prominent Pakistani Shia family, and the children are being raised as Shias.
There's this girl at work I've liked for nearly a year. We talk at work and go out for lunch with other colleagues at times. And it's become pretty apparent lately that she likes me too, even others at work can tell. Honestly speaking she's everything you'd look for in a wife, really sweet, funny, attractive and above all modest and not too outgoing (don't bite my head off for this, it's just that I prefer people who keep to themselves more, like I do).
So here I am thinking that hey maybe this is the one I should really go for, and out of the blue I find out that she is Shia. It was kind of shocking because it never came up before and even during Muharram, there was nothing really out of the ordinary. Which leads me to believe that she isn't a kattar shia but a moderate one.
I'd like to know if anyone here has ever married someone from a different sect, and how it worked out. I hate saying different sect because until recently, I never even thought of myself as "Sunni" until this revelation made the difference obvious. I'm really confused and trying to figure out whether I should try and make this work (lots of hurdles, have no idea what my parents would say, let alone hers) or whether I should just let it go, which would be a shame because I really, really like this girl.
deep down in your heart u already know what you need to do ..you wont feel the same again
Oh boy. Trust me...its tough....it reallt depends on how religious she is. Hardcore Shia/Sunnis are just that, hardcore. Compromising on differing beliefs and values will destroy ir relationship. What will ur kids be raised as? As long as neither of u are hardcore...u can work out the kinks. If either one of u is towards the extreme end...it'll be tough.