Okay since the academic session is off, summer vacation are just in the fold, we dont have much to do at colleges except for sit and hear each other groan :halo: 
Almost all of my married colleagues have this bundle of complains and rantings they carry to the work in order to share and lessen. We try to listen patiently to each other, understand and give the best advice we can. This colleague is newly married and as it is much of a fashion here, has been married in a joint family system. She was the eldest in her family so her absence is quite much felt and her parents and siblings get udas if she doesnt see them often and call her to come and see them. They themselves keep visiting her because she says they all are so tightly knit together emotionally that her family finds it hard to realize she doesnt belong to them anymore. When she discussed it all we all suggested she should understand the responsibilities after marriage since her life has changed now and her husband should be her foremost priority. But she never really took any one of us seriously and never paid heed. Now things have started to get bitter in her life. Her husband in the begining never frowned at visiting his inlaws with her twice a week but now he doesnt seem willing to take her to see her parents anymore. Also, as the colleague told us, he frowns if she is showing any gesture of love and affection for her parents/ siblings in front of him. She is in a fix now because she doesnt accept that she should be away from her parents now and live her married life properly. She even objects and argues if we tell her that she should do as pleases her husband. Im afraid her married life is going to suffer because of this parents issue. Maybe its too early for her to realize she should protect her married life more than anything else. What should be the best appropriate manner to make her realize that a married life and a husband are and should be the highest priority in her life. Any help will be greatly appreciated.
Re: So she is in a fix now.
I think when girls parents intervention increases, problems start ho jati hain......
Her family should understand that and stop visiting her every other day. She could make one day in a week for her parents like she can visit her parents on every thursday or friday whatever day she feels appropriate. You can't do anything until her parents realize the problem. You can only give her suggestions politely and give examples of people where due to parents interferences weddings ended up badly.
Re: So she is in a fix now.
well this is all we all did. A fewer of colleagues are married for 15 years plus and they also advised her to stop visiting them for the good of her own married life. She says she cannot let go of her own family as she feels being a part of them too. No her parents do not visit her much maybe because she is living in a joint family system and thats why they insist her to come see them atleast twice a week. She is wondering actually why her husband has started to take it as a offense. She says that she is very very nice to her inlaws, cooks, cleans, washes and even irons for them and doesnt seem like they have any problem with her. Her stance is; when she is fulfilling all her duties of a good wife and a good Daughter in law, why should her husband make faces when she wants to go see her parents and siblings too. Well she has such convincing answers its hard to convince her.
Re: So she is in a fix now.
Yes but some husbands have problems with wife visits to their parents house. When my sis got married she visited us once in a week and stayed at our place for a night. Her husband didn't like the idea so she started visited us once a week but don't stay at our place anymore. I think its a small sacrifice she did, in return she got more from her husband. Its all about understanding. Specially in starting of your marriage you have to do lots of compromises and sacrifices which she should understand now otherwise life would be tough. Guys do compromise and sacrifice as well but they take time when they see their wife's sacrifice, they change themselves as well. They are human too, they are not patherdil. They just take more time to understand their wives.
Re: So she is in a fix now.
Paragraphs people paragraphs 
Re: So she is in a fix now.
alright sir, alright :halo: 
Re: So she is in a fix now.
Maybe she should hug her husband more often like your avatar! :)
Anyway, back in the day because of communication and distances as well as culture, the bride's family was the family of her husband once she flew her nest. Now, it might be an extreme but these days, the brides' families are more overbearing on their in-laws. I think the bride's family should itself have started to be less involved and allow the married couple to build their life.
I can understand the need for the bride to be more closer to her own family initially as most girls in Pakistan still don't have extensive intimate relationships before marriage unlike in the west: it seems the husband also understood as he didn't interfere with the arrangement before but he has to assert himself one way or the other sooner than later.
Re: So she is in a fix now.
I dont get this, why is it only the girls side of the family that are expected to take a back seat? Why don't both sides fo the family leave the married couple alone to build their life together. Both sets of inlaws should have equal access to their child, I would never marry my daughter into a family like that.
Re: So she is in a fix now.
Single is Single. Married is Married. I hope people soon realise these are two different words for a reason; they don’t mean the same. High time the bride’s family realise now that she is married she can’t be visiting them everyday or calling them evryday cuz that way they wont ever let her adjust in her new home/life.
Having said that, its equally stupid if the guy feels possesive if the girl is loving towards her family. What kind of a pathetic loser is he? :halo: Unless ofcourse the girl is not giving her enough time/attention i dnt see any sane/normal guy behaving this way.
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aww isnt it just so lovely 
the girl in my avatar is hugging words written on a page or a letter actually.
Re: So she is in a fix now.
may be her husband is a bore.
Re: So she is in a fix now.
I dont get this, why is it only the girls side of the family that are expected to take a back seat? Why don't both sides fo the family leave the married couple alone to build their life together. Both sets of inlaws should have equal access to their child, I would never marry my daughter into a family like that.
on the very very contrary. I would love to choose a nest of loving relations around my daughter as I did for myself. Not all the inlaws are bad. Experiences can tell only. But they should be given a chance once anyway. It will be cold on a girl's family's part to ask for a separate system even before the marriage. They might deprive their daughter of very very loving inlaws otherwise.
Re: So she is in a fix now.
We happened to meet the guy only once: at their valima event. He seemed quite reasonable. She never complained about anything negative in him. Its just that maybe he wants all her attention for himself. When you love someone you tend to be possessive and jealous.
Now when we tell her to keep away she argues that two days in a week is already not that much keeping in view the strong emotional attachment of the family. I hope she doesnt argue like that with her husband anyway. Well they havent talked about it in open as yet. She has observed her husband being very clearly displeased now when they go to see her parents and she is upset about it. She says she cannot simply give up on her parents if her husband doesnt like it. We have suggested her to talk to him about it in a polite and friendly manner so that she could know if anything serious was upsetting her husband anyway.
Re: So she is in a fix now.
lol I think he wants all of her for himself 
Re: So she is in a fix now.
We happened to meet the guy only once: at their valima event. He seemed quite reasonable. She never complained about anything negative in him. Its just that maybe he wants all her attention for himself. When you love someone you tend to be possessive and jealous.
Now when we tell her to keep away she argues that two days in a week is already not that much keeping in view the strong emotional attachment of the family. I hope she doesnt argue like that with her husband anyway. Well they havent talked about it in open as yet. She has observed her husband being very clearly displeased now when they go to see her parents and she is upset about it. She says she cannot simply give up on her parents if her husband doesnt like it. We have suggested her to talk to him about it in a polite and friendly manner so that she could know if anything serious was upsetting her husband anyway.
You are right, she should talk to him about it but in a polite/friendly manner unless it wl be a start of endless animosity between the two or atleast between her family and the husband.
How long has she been married?
Re: So she is in a fix now.
she was married in december last year. we dont want her to ruin her married life for any third factor like their families. But the problem is we cannot blame her for all of it. She doesnt sound like she cares less about her husband or inlaws. She wants to maintain a balance between the both.
Re: So she is in a fix now.
she was married in december last year. we dont want her to ruin her married life for any third factor like their families. But the problem is we cannot blame her for all of it. She doesnt sound like she cares less about her husband or inlaws. She wants to maintain a balance between the both.
Its a new relationship and there r bound to be these misunderstanding but the wise one always raises above those.
Re: So she is in a fix now.
:k:
We’re doing it again…larki paraya dhan hoti hai aur uska asli ghar susraal hota hai…
Re: So she is in a fix now.
Quoted for The Truth.
Re: So she is in a fix now.
Lol some people seriously!! Like from previous threads, the girl shouldn't expect the guy to be just hers and hers only, same way the guy shouldn't expect the girl to be his and his family's only!!! How can he expect her to leave her parents, at the end of the day parents are parents no one in this world would be able to love you so unconditionally, be it the guys or the girls parents.