SO & parents coming over to meet the family

[soconfused]

Re: SO & parents coming over to meet the family

@Sehrysh

^ With all due respect, your father’s reaction was almost a foregone conclusion.

Personally, I agree the couple getting married should have the right to decide about their own future - but your father is straddling old world versus new world customs. In his mind it was his right and obligation to decide who you would marry - because, well just because that’s the way it’s always been done. In his mind it doesn’t matter that you’ve a met who’s potentially better than anyone he himself could have introduced you to - it’s an ego and tradition thing.

Are there any solutions to this problem? I would suggest involving some Ghar ka barra/elder who you already know would be open-minded and supportive of the rishta and get them to work on your dad. This is in line with the tradition thing where your dad might feel like he should defer to his own elders according to old world customs.

You need to manage the psychology and ego of the situation - arguing isn’t going to get you anywhere. Figure out what will work to help your dad save face and for him to feel like this was his decision as opposed to being imposed on him, if possible.

Good luck.

Unfortunately, any elders we have are either in Pakistan or deceased. I have a few aunts/uncles here but our relationship with them is nonexistent thanks to drama (due to my dad’s ego tbh) so no such luck. My mom has been on my side this entire time, and sadly, has had to take the brunt of my dad’s anger.

There’s very very few outcomes to this:

1. My dad miraculously says yes with no drama
2. My dad says no in which case:
   a) I go along with his decision because he’s my dad
   b) I go through with the plans on my own and basically end my relationship with my dad

The thing that worries me isn’t whether I’ll marry the guy; I’ll do it whether it’s with my dad’s blessings or not. I know I seem selfish but my dad – who I respect very much-- hasn’t given me a VALID islamic reason for me to turn down the guy. Saying that “someone better might come along” isn’t right. I worry because if my bf ever finds out my dad’s behavior/thinking in regards to him --which he will if my dad creates a stink and refuses to go with us to visit his family–that’s going to start their relationship off on a VERY bad foot. I obviously don’t ever want that.

My dad’s issue isn’t that we’re not asking his opinion–his problem is that we’re asking his OPINION and NOT giving him the final decision in regards to this guy. If my dad had the right to say yes or no and I would go along with it–well, he’d be very pleased. But he knows that that’s not the case so now he’s trying to do this.