…the In-Laws.
Are there any benefits of being close to or living with in-laws?
Yes or No.
Even unmarried can share from other people’s experiences.
Re: So much for bashing....
.....even discussing this issue is a waste of time.
.....even discussing this issue is a waste of time.
Alright. But how so?
.........the In-Laws.
Are there any benefits of being close to or living with in-laws?
Yes or No.
Even unmarried can share from other people's experiences.
No.
I don't see any benefits but thats just my own opinion. I like my freedom and privacy.
No. I don't see any benefits but thats just my own opinion. I like my freedom and privacy.
In fact I started this thread after your post in another thread Tammy.
In fact I started this thread after your post in another thread Tammy.
Yeah, I figured.
I just find it really hard to deal with. When I am married to someone, I want to live in OUR home, not his parents. I want to do things my way and not have to deal with any inteference.
Re: So much for bashing....
If they live NEARBY, it can be helpful. Depends on his parents. At least in Miami, I see all the Cuban inlaws really helping their working DIL's out by babysitting. Its free babysitting. You're secure that the baby is with family and not strangers. And grandma is so delighted to do it.
Not sure if I see it so much with desi families. They typically have this attitude of - ok, you're now having babies so stop working and only sit at home with your kids. What that does to her careeer, they don't care about. But I'm sure there are some desi MIL's and FIL's who wouldn't mind babysitting.
Alright. But how so?
simple...husband cant leave his parents and girl cant leave her husband.
bhess he fazool hai.
Re: So much for bashing…
if girl can leave her parents why cant husband leave his parents? 
Yeah, I figured. I just find it really hard to deal with. When I am married to someone, I want to live in OUR home, not his parents. I want to do things **my way **and not have to deal with any inteference.
Yes that may be all good.
But do you find any need for any relatives around you?
simple...husband cant leave his parents and girl cant leave her husband.
bhess he fazool hai.
So is there a benefit of having in-laws close-by or not?
The question is simpler than the answer I must admit. 
We have to understand what leaving means.
In desi culture girl ‘leaves’ her family.
In non-desi or western culture man ‘leaves’ his family on practical basis. (maybe same in Arabic or other cultures)
Now leaving still needs to be defind, meaning losing ties, not being bothered with their problems or becoming handicapped to do anything significant to help them.
In western culture, men ‘have to’ or are ‘expected to’ become indifferent to his family and in desi culture it is opposite.
…And I think it is not the issue that men or women leave their respective families.
It is more about the families come to reality and leave them alone and do something to help them grow together rather than clinging on to them. (Off course that was not my question in the beginning)
Re: So much for bashing....
they don't have to nor are they expected to. white folks generally like having their privacy once the kiddos are grown up while desi parents like to parent their kids even after marriage.
I wouldn't like to live with the in laws, because i like my privacy, and like to do things on my own accord. i would however, not mind visiting them every so often, or living nearby. Just so ammi jaan doesn't feel like i've kidnapped her son :)
If they live NEARBY, it can be helpful. Depends on his parents. At least in Miami, I see all the Cuban inlaws really helping their working DIL's out by babysitting. Its free babysitting. You're secure that the baby is with family and not strangers. And grandma is so delighted to do it.
Not sure if I see it so much with desi families. They typically have this attitude of - ok, you're now having babies so stop working and only sit at home with your kids. What that does to her careeer, they don't care about. But I'm sure there are some desi MIL's and FIL's who wouldn't mind babysitting.
I totally agree with the second paragraph of yours. And with the emphasis on typically. **Not always **but typically.
" what are you going to do with two incomes? Why Do you need it?"
"who told you to work?" Are you not happy with him working?............kind of attitude.
It may be that the family has real legit needs, children, or one person may not be making enough to even cover for essentials. I mean essentials.
Re: So much for bashing....
living close to inlaws has benefits, children getto see grandparents more and develop a better bond, You have trusted people who kids can hang with so u can have some couple time without worrying about babysitter background checks etc.
then having elders around for eid and ramadan means something else. and lastly, the fact that you are more able to be of their assistance in even small things is a sawab.
decent enough list of positives to have elders closeby.
Re: So much for bashing....
as PCG said.... really good help with babysitting... its nice for the kids too to have the grandparents around..
we're talkign strictly about father in law and mother in law yeah?
Re: So much for bashing....
we cant think of other reasons that being close to one's parents would be nice? :)
Re: So much for bashing....
^ :) ofcourse..
the stories they share of them growing up... the hardships they have gone through to get their kids to the stage they are at.. the countless blessings they give day in day out... the tears they shed on small small nice gestures... i think those are blessings in themselves..
the wisdom they shed... the care they give without asking for anything in return..
for everything really.
but yes, as a working mother... i was completely amazed when they were able to help me out when the childcare was closed... i had noone else to rely on at that time, so it was wonderful... hence i said, they're so good with baby-sitting
Yes that may be all good.
But do you find any need for any relatives around you?
Relatives don't necessarily mean inlaws. I don't mind living nearby as long as they don't try to interfere with my life after marriage. Forexample, I don't want MIL telling me when to have kids, or how to name them, or how to raise them or whether I should work or not. THere are so many issues arising after marriage and I think the best way to deal with them is between husband and wife, not with everyone else involved.
Relatives don't necessarily mean inlaws. I don't mind living nearby as long as they don't try to interfere with my life after marriage. Forexample, I don't want MIL telling me when to have kids, or how to name them, or how to raise them or whether I should work or not. THere are so many issues arising after marriage and I think the best way to deal with them is between husband and wife, not with everyone else involved.
Yes, you do and should have the right to do all you talked about.
But not all in-laws are so demanding. Sometimes you give up, other times you get their help and support when you really need it.
See, if the woman (or man in some cases) start asking for these requirements, other person gets worried. So be a little careful and diplomatic.