I read a post smewhere that said, “lucky is the man who is her first love, lucky is the woman who is his last love.” Granted it was in Cafe, but it, along with other statements, got me thnking.
You’ve built a whole life with someone; one night, you’re in bed with them, you have children with this person but somehow, your mind wanders to him. It’s a scary scary scary feeling, at least it is how I would imagine it to be. It’s not something I’ve been through exactly; I’m not married nor am i anywhere close to, but it just scares me that I’ll never be able to forget this person. **
I would assume it to be true. Things and people we love that fail to make it into our lives come back to haunt us at a later time. Contrary to the meaning of the proverb "A bird in hand is worth two in the bush", humans always find things out of their reach to be more appealing than those they have. That is the secret of their success as well.
I've been praying for a long time now, but nothing's changed. Some say marriage is the perfect cure for a broken heart; you end up falling in love with your husband/wife. However, eight years of trashy women's magazines have said that the opposite..**
Yeah , you’re right. Fortunately, I never emulated the lifestyle of those magazines, but that’s not the point here. A main message that I read over and over (because everything in Cosmo/Glamour is recycled every other month) is that to get over someone, to move on, is that you jump from one partner to antoher. Which is actually almost hte same thing with Pakistanis; many people who are in love with each other end up marrying someone else while still in love with another. I just don’t get why parents (in desi scenario) assume that a marriage will be successful when one person’s heart belongs to another’s?
Marriage is, unfortunately, not a cure for a broken heart. All marriages have their ups and downs. In an up-moment, people tend to forget their past but in a down-moment the past comes haunting back. After a while in a marriage, people tend to overlook their partners' bright side and start seeing only the negative side. A huge effort is required to keep a positive outlook.
First of all you should realize that your are not a victim. Control your emotions. Don't let the emotions control you. The more you think of yourself as a victim of broken-love, the more you will get drawn into this vortex of negative emotions. Sit down and talk to yourself and tell yourself what this negativity is doing to you. Try not to associate every bad thing happening today to this past incident. Believe it is all in your mind now and you have the power to throw it out of your mind.
praying is the best thing one can do. Waisey bhi i read Allah controls the hearts. Love is something that i Godsend in my opinion.So you cant tame it more like you ask Allah to fix it for you. InshAllah you'll be happy. Just keep steady on the right path. It just takes time.
I totally agree that marriage is not the solution to get over someone. Parents, when they find that their child loves someone other than their choice, tend to get him/her married to their choice asap. Hoping that this would get them.
I think its just bad coz now they have ruined three lives rather than just one. I just hope that it doesn't happen to me.. actually i won't let it happen to me. I know it might hurt my parents in short run but in long run when they see us happy together, it will all make sense to them.
Traditions should not influence what religion grants us BUT religion should influence on our traditions. Unfortunately, desi parents still value "tumhari dadi wanted you to marry this cousin" more than their childs prefs.
Just wanted to add that in the end whatever happens i have my firm believe in Allah(SWT) HE is the one who made my heart soft for someone and HE is the one who really knws whom i would be happy with.. that doesn't mean don't do anything.. Allah helps those who help themselves. This is what gets me through my tough times.
im hve feelings for sme1....not sure if its love or not who is still in love with his 1st love and he says that she was his 1st and true love.......and he wont love any1 else like dat even if he does get married etc......by da way this is abt 8/9yrs olds...but he is still in love with her.....and cant and wont forget her.....
and smetimes it kinda hurts me.....but u cant make sme1 like/love u in the same way i knw that and u knw wat i wish his parents got him married off to the his love, instead of breaking them up and the girl getting married to sme1 else coz i wudnt hve a problem with it den......
by da way this guy is old then i am, he is abt 10yrs older then me
You can and will get over your first love or any love if you really want to. Jumping from one relationship into another is a bad idea. You need to let yourself grieve and then LET GO of whoever you are trying to get over. Stop thinking about him. Keep yourself busy in other activities. I don’t know what happened, but you need to remind yourself that chances are, he is not thinking about you so you are just wasting your time and energy thinking about him.
Keep your mind engaged in other things … read a book, join a class, go to the gym, do anything other than think and pine over him … and most importantly, remind yourself whenever you do think of him that he isn’t wasting any tears on you so stop wasting your time, thoughts, energy and tears on him.
There will be a time in your life when you will be able to think about him and not have any of these residual feelings. That is what you must work on, to be able to think about him and not feel anything.
well i have been there and done it...going through same time though. Do understand where you coming from. God help you because, things will remind you of him for atleast a year (being on a pessimistic side)
one does get over their first love eventually...some get over it faster than others...I always used to say that i would not get over my first love....it was hard but then I fell in love again...then I told my self that I would definitely not get over this one...but I fell in love again.....Sure first love or second love or any form of love may come to haunt u sometimes but so many other things can haunt a person too...does this mean that life does not go on?
if u Don't let the thought "one does not get over first love" rule your mind, u will be ok then.......just remeber that we as humans have this amazing capability to recover from any setback in our life.... u'll be fine don't worry
It all depends to what degree your love was for that 'first' person. When you later fall in love again in a long term relationship, your love will grow so deep that you'll forget the first and when you look back, you'll just laugh.
:)
when i say i love "someone" i mean i love them.. as in when she is in trouble i am there.. when she is happy i am there.. i think about her before making any decision.. her smile and her tears mean a lot to me.. when she supports me when i am making a big decision and is open to me rather than just saying "whatever"
its like how can you get over the love of your parents and siblings? sure life goes on when they pass away but really u do remember them every other instant of your life. IF you don't remember them then u never really LOVED them anyways..
LydiaQureshi, you need to find closure. Do you know what it is? How to find it in a relationship? Maybe not that's why you are asking and pondering this thought. It will hunt you for the rest of your life if you don't find the closure in your first love/relationship, if you find it you will fall in love again and be peaceful about it.
I cannot give you the closure about your first love, but you know what happened and you have to find a way to balance the whole thing into reality. Let me give you another adivce, when you are finding the closure always remember it wasn't your fault. Might be his if he cheated or was into drugs etc. but if it is just the circumstances don't blame it on yourself.
there’s hope then