So I met this girl about a year ago, had sex with her on the first day. She told me that I was her soul mate. I fell in love with her as well, over the course we started dating more and more and became more physical with each other. Slow but surely her past started to spring up. I wanted to get married so I purposed the idea. Gave her a promise ring, she took it and was happy. Posted it all over her social media and told her mother and everyone. I was pumped so I told my parents as well. She came over to my house I introduced her to my friends. Her mother kept dodging the idea of a Nikkah. Until one day I finally confronted her. She broke down and said that she was still married to her uncle. But that marriage was only done on papers because he had to come abroad. I was disheartened but she convinced me that she loved me so I decided to give it a chance and wait until the whole marriage thing is done so we can get our Nikkah done.
Slowly more and more information about her past started to spring up. She was still obsessing over her ex. She told me that she lost her virginity to him and that it was rather special she can’t seem to forget him. He took her out of her comfort zone and that he changed her and that she is angry at her self for letting him do that to her. She also didn’t get her full disclosure from him that’s why she’s still attached to him in a way. She broke down one day and said that she still loves him. When I said I can’t be with her she broke down and told me how much she loves me and that how much she wants to be with me and that she’ll die if I leave her. I told her that she’s still attached to her ex and that what she’s doing to me isn’t fair. She said she’ll change, she’ll go to therapy and that she’ll get help but she doesn’t want to break up. She promised me that she will never ever bring up her ex and that she hates him and that if anything she has animosity towards him. She told him ever since they broke up she messaged him on facebook but he hasn’t replied to her message.
One day I was going through her facebook and that day we had an argument about her ex. She messaged him saying that he’s coming between us and that she needs to get over him. She’s not looking for much but she wants an apology from him. She told him that she loves me and that wants to be with me but he keeps coming in and if he were to say that he’s sorry to her she’ll move on and have her disclosure. I confronted her about this and she said that she loves me and wanted an apology from him for treating her in a horrible and that now that he’s given her that apology she’s happy as if a burden has been lifted from her heart. She told me now she can finally be free.
2 days later I was going through her facebook and she messaged her ex once more stating that how she can’t be without him and that she loves him and she doesn’t think that she loves me. And that she wants to be with him. She would rather be with him than be with me. When i read those messages I was heart broken. I confronted her once more, she said that she was confused and was being an idiot she didn’t know what she was thinking. She just obsesses over him. I told her I couldn’t be with her anymore and she begged me to stay. Crying and telling me how she loves me “too”. At that I lost it and told her that she was being inconsiderate and selfish. She can’t possibly have her ex in her heart and still love me. And all of this happened right at the cusp of us getting Nikkah’d…
She cried over and over and told me that she would die if I were to leave her life. That her ex treated her mercilessly and that I treat her like no one has ever treated her before that I actually take care of her. And that she can’t afford to lose me. But then I asked her why is it that she continuously messaging her ex. Its been over a year how can she keep someone so horrible in her heart for this long and someone who doesn’t care about her… She said she has issues and that she’ll go to a therapist and get help… I told her I want out but she continually says that she loves me “more” than him. To be frank I do not believe her. I want out… What should I do.
Don’t get the nikah done. You don’t want this drama for the rest of your life. Tell her to get therapy now and once her mind is clear, you’ll marry her.
Oh Wow…you know what to do, you just don’t want to do it cause you love her. But unfortunately she still has feelings for the other guy..actions speak louder than words. She keeps on making excuses. She is Psycho, like straight up… Who says they will die if you leave them. Not to mention she’s already Nikkah’d you can’t even marry her if you wanted too…Say your goodbye’s. Tell her to get help…if she reaches out…ignore like her ex did to her. Plenty of fish in the sea..Too much Drama in your life is not healthy for her and for you.
She has some personaltiy disorder, i went out with a girl like that this past summer. She also had slept around and i feel like her promiscuity and narcissism was connected to her issues. I think promiscuity is a big red flag, you should break it up with her otherwise you will have to deal with her drama and infedility for the rest of your life.
So she imported some uncle from back home while she slept with you & at the same time she had an ex in picture whom she si still emotionally involved with while in relationship with you? Am I processing it right?
That’s still a lot for a pakistani girl lol though the one i went out with slept with like 5 guys. It’s still a red flag, according to studies one previous sexual partner makes it much more likely for a marriage to fail. Also from what I’ve learned, girls tend to have attachment issues with guys they’ve slept with. They don’t really get over it.
I don’t know why you had to have sex with her on the first meeting. Anyway. I say this drama is going to continue for life, until she forces you to break things off in a very ugly way. Be careful.
This was a wild ass ride. Thanks for the entertainment, first of all.
I can see her having to be married to her uncle messing up her head because…astagfirullah (and I’m not even religious!)
She sounds like she needs therapy. Just cause you care about her, doesn’t mean you have to be her therapist. I’m not even trying to be funny or cute when I say that someone who cares about her needs to direct her to a therapist so she can go on some road to recovery because I can see a marriage to her uncle having some impact on her and her previous relationship which clearly did not leave a good impact on her. She has some type of Stockholm Syndrome going on since she is so attached to a ****ty ex. I know she mentioned she would go to a therapist, but homegirl clearly is not doing much.
You really need to be blunt with her. Maybe my advice is not the best cause I don’t sugarcoat ****, but she really needs to actually attend therapy and stay away from any romantic/sexual relationships while she still has her issues. It’s not fair on her partners for her to be wishy washy all over the place. Some variation of that needs to be said to her. You don’t have to be too blunt or harsh (remember who you are dealing with), but the truth needs to come out or else she is going to keep behaving like this.
I would not in a million years marry a girl who is still in love with someone else, she is a big player, this bs about I will die without you is enough to walk away from her. She is using you to try to get the other guy back. Just ask yourself if the other guy asked her back would she still die without you. She is just trying to find excuses to engage the other guy. Have some self respect and walk the eff away.
For you: she’s unable to remain truthful and faithful to you when she’s about to marry you - a time when your love for each other should be on an incline. What is the guarantee she won’t treat you this way when going gets tough in life? Also, can you deal with this drama forevermore?
For her: it’s good that she recognises she needs help. But she needs this help while not stuck on a tightrope between two men. She needs to be relationship-free and work on herself; work on converting those obsessive traits into something positive and work through whatever issues she’s got (insecurities/attachment with horrible ex).
In short, re-read your post. You know what you want to do. Stay well away.
Bobby summed it up, get a life dude, move on
Girls usually do this trick after breakup to get their ex back or to make him jealous becoz he must b hanging out with someone else that making her jealous!
No doubt she feels relax n comfortable with u, but u r nothing in this actually she is satisfying herself in a way by these dramas…
Never trust a girl when she says, i do things without thinking etc, she does on purpose, n yes its not a therapy needed or psycho case
Nothing will change even after therapy
Dont waste ur time, life, honor n respect for this type of drama
She doesnt deserve u, dont make urself a bakra24!!
Do you really want out though? Doesn’t seem like it because you would be working towards that decision.
Anyways, seems like you both need some sort of therapy/ counselling or a hard look at life and your relationship.
Sounds toxic and all over the place. If she really loved you like she said she did she wouldn’t back out of a nikkah which is essentially a vow or a commitment with someone you love. A promise to spend the rest of your life through thick and thin together.
Relationships and marriages are tough. Takes two sensible, mature and stable people to make it work. Work on healing yourself and she needs to work on her inner fears, problems, etc on her OWN before you can both come together in a union.
Woah back up. Tell me more. So, a majority of men see sex as a recreational activity. I know it’s not all men but can a man have a sexless marriage if that’s all sex is to them, like badminton or tennis? A majority of men can have emotionless sex and then just walk away from her like he just finished using the bathroom and so after a quick shower and clean up, on to the next rest area…? What the heck is it about sex that gets people to be like this. Why not just stay celibate and spare ourselves the pain and agony, whatever physical pleasure it is supposed to bring isn’t really worth the years of pain a person might have to go through.
