so i had my nikah

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: so i had my nikah

DreamMerchant, except I'm sure you were attracted to your fiancee. This girl isn't. Attraction is the most important part in marriage. It's why people get married. It's not really talked about because 99% of the time its a clear given. In icicle's case it isn't.

22

Re: so i had my nikah

yes dreammerchant...but how did u bring that attraction into something arranged...like how do u want to be with someone when they're presented as...here u will have to spend the rest of ur life with this person...and i dont ahve a problem spending my life with him...i have a problem with the physical attraction part of it...u dont know how serious it is for me...everytime i think i abt how i have to sleep with him i wana barf. i mean thats not normal.

anyway..i appreciate the advice and suggestions guys. i agree...i do need to spend more time with him.

23

Re: so i had my nikah

Icicle1, your pressing the self destruct to your life..

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Re: so i had my nikah

Following verse of the Quran helps to create confidence, peace, attraction, etc etc between spouses.

Edit: you also need to make effort and try to find common ground/interest, which could tie you with him longer.

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Re: so i had my nikah

then it's understandable. things change when you actually do spend time together.

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Re: so i had my nikah

Well my only advice is to tell your cousin you want to wait a few years before having kids. That'll give you enough time to see whether your hope is a false one. Don't have kids before your 100% sure you want to stick out with this marriage!

27

Re: so i had my nikah

If I was in your shoes, I would see about talking to the cousin about the situation. Maybe he would be able to call off the wedding from his end. Maybe you both can get everyone to meet to say to say you don't find each other compatible. I don't know your cousin to know whether or not this is an option.

Did you tell your mom that you do not find your cousin at all attractive?

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Re: so i had my nikah

sad
I definitely think wanting to barf when thinking about sleeping with your husband is not a good sign

29

Re: so i had my nikah

well if you pray, then pray that Allah increase the love between the two of you. This really works, to be very very honest. Secondly, increase communication between the two of you. Attraction is towards various facets. Perhaps his looks don't attract you, despite his being handsome and all, but if you communicate more and more, maybe his personality/words/thoughts might

30

Re: so i had my nikah

I was more thinking it was because he's her cousin and since she's been growing up in the west, it grosses her out..

31

Re: so i had my nikah

The not so nice part:

You have not done anyone any favors by marrying him. Not your parents or yourself or him. If he is such a good guy, don't you think he deserves a wife that actually loves him and is attracted to him? Since when is this all about you? You didn't think it was important to consider someone else's feelings or life in a marriage that involves TWO people? I am sorry but it was very selfish of you to agree to be a life partner to someone (who by your account is all worthiness) when you don't even like them.

The good part:

He sounds like a good guy...you will eventually fall in love...if you let yourself.

32

Re: so i had my nikah

It's strange that you got into this marriage but what the hell- compromise! he is a great guy and you will sooner or later get attracted to him.

Our moms and grandmoms did that. One of my friend's parents didnt meet each other till the wedding day- all the bride knew was that her husband had a big nose. And now, friend's parents are the most adorable couple ever even after 3 grown up kids!

When you and hubby start to live together, you will eventually fall in love with him when he will care for you etc.

But remember to reciprocate the feelings and actions.

33

Re: so i had my nikah

You need to sleep with ur husband. Thats how u will get other guy out of ur mind.

34

Re: so i had my nikah

I have nothing against arranged marriages since my own was semi-arranged.
But this is exactly the reason why should never marry someone JUST 'cause your parents wanted you to. That is no reason to marry someone. You need to get to know the guy you're about to spend the rest of your life with before you go ahead and say yes. Desi parents seem more concerned with their own happiness than their childrens when it comes to marriage. They don't always know whats best for their kids...

You should get to know your husband. You are nikkahfied so you're allowed to talk on the phone, skype, see each other as much as you want. Try to get to know him. You might surprise yourself and fall in love with him .. who knows

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Re: so i had my nikah

You need to keep an open mind and see the little things in him that are good. And ignore all the other guys that could have been options. There are many different possibilities for good marriage partners, each with his own ups and downs.

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Re: so i had my nikah

And that couldn't have occurred to her before the nikkah? I have no sympathy for careless girls who play the victim and martyr and don't take any responsibility in their own lives.

It's easier to complain about how other people have made your life miserable than it is to actually take responsibility and make some decisions for yourself.

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Re: so i had my nikah

come on people........give the girl a break......

he is a paki fob.........its totally possible she feels like barfing n stuff..

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Re: so i had my nikah

Awesome, now expect this thread to explode!

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Re: so i had my nikah

honestly, the answer to all your questions is gaining control over your nafs. You will not be able to do this unless you absolutely establish this in your mind that this is Allah swt will and that this man is your husband, and you have rights and responsibilities towards him for which you will be accountable for. I know this might sound out of place when you are asking for advice on how to feel attracted to your husband but I am giving you advice on how to get rid of obsessing over your past love. The only way to do that and have your mind refined is to seek Allah's help. Pray and try to make effort physically and emotionally to get close to your husband. You are already married to him. How hard is it to love someone?

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Re: so i had my nikah

You need to spend time with him...the love will develop Humsafar style!