so i had my nikah

Lifestyle Relationships
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i had my nikah to a cousin of mine in december…i’m 24 and my mom was going berserk over how we have to find someone for me to get married to. so i had an arranged marriage to this cousin who is frm pakistan…he’s nice and cute (like an 8/10)…but omg i’m not attracted to him at all?? and i’ve no idea why (part of the reason is i feel gross cuz he’s my cousin). i’ve already had my nikah and i have no desire whatsover to sleep with this guy…how do i fix that? :-/ it makes me sad to think that i will never enjoy sleeping with a guy :frowning: …how do ppl fall in love with arranged marriages. ughhhh help

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Re: so i had my nikah

also i cant stop thinking abt the guy i was in love with...its just obsessive thinking abt how i wish i had ended up with him (even though he didnt love me) but my stupid brain and heart wont realize that and move on. i need help with that topic too. i had figured that when i fall in love with someone else i'll forget abt him...but now i'm married to a guy i'm not in love with so err yeah thats not gona happen. fml

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Re: so i had my nikah

This is weird.

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You're a stupid fool shame on you.

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Re: so i had my nikah

Paper bag? Just kidding, lol. More seriously though, if the guy you feel you're in love with doesn't reciprocate your sentiments, then he wasn't the one. Do you think it's maybe just an infatuation on your part? Haven't you gotten to know your cousin on a more deeper level? Maybe that will help to develop an attraction toward him.

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Re: so i had my nikah

i know its an infatuation...an infatuation thats lasted 7-8 yrs...i liked this guy since i was 16...and we were in a tumultuous relationship on and off...the problem is with my thinking...i wana get him out of my head and i dont know how to do...i've been trying to do that for the past 2 yrs now...i thought marriage might help. but nope.

i can talk to my cousin, spend time with him like a frnd, hang out with him...but physical attraction that u have a to a guy...thats the problem :-( and i dont know how to develop that with him. there's other guys that i see randomly on the street n i'm like oo he's cute i wish he was my boyfrnd...but my own husband..i kinda see him as this mere symbolic thing thats just there for the world to think that i'm married but i didnt wana marry him.

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Re: so i had my nikah

Is divorce at all an option? Not only are you going to ruin your life but probably your cousin's too.

Seriously what were you thinking? There was no way you could have said no to this?

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Re: so i had my nikah

no divorce is not really an option...cuz he's my khala's son and everyone will be like whats wrong with this girl...

1) all i'm asking in this forum is if ppl could give me advice on how to get rid of obsessively thinking abt someone u used to be in love with
2) how to become attracted to ur husband in case of an arranged marriage.

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Re: so i had my nikah

i've already accepted that my love life's ruined. i'm in this constant mental misery of missing someone.

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Re: so i had my nikah

The answer to your second question is if you are COMPLETELY unattracted to your new husband, that's probably not going to change. You said yourself, he looks really good but there's no attraction. So this isn't a problem of a guy having to loose 50 kilos of fat and build some muscle.

Again. Can you go through with a divorce? Will your parents abandon you if you do?

If that's an absolute no, then we move on the a different solution.

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Re: so i had my nikah

i may have missed this detail but are you two together at all? You said he's from pakistan, are you in the same country nad have spent time with each other? or do you communicate online/phone?

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Re: so i had my nikah

you need to chill. you seem to have a big chip on your shoulder against women.

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Re: so i had my nikah

It Takes time to compromise and when you know that you ve made your parents happy, you realise that its the right way to go about it.

If you compromise and be the bigger self .. the guy will also realise that me a paindoo (if he is) that hes lucky and got you and he will automatically care for youu and when he does.. thats when ''clicking'' starts to happen ...

atleast this is how i see it ..you your self complain about him and yet you rate him 8/10 .. how many guys actually are even worth an 8 ..so see your making a start already..

good luck

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Re: so i had my nikah

i cant divorce him..who the hell am i gona marry after this guy...i know i'm not gona find a better guy than him...(looks, character, religion, family, nice n all). i cant go through guys like that...i broke an engagment prior to getting this nikah because i wasnt ready (my mom's gona kill me). the problem is i'm in love with another guy (and that guy will never want me). i just wana know how grls become attracted to their husbands in an arranged marriage...like i have frnds that had arranged marriages and their hubbys arent the best looking guys but they're still really happy with them...i know its not all abt looks...but its not like my husband's a boring, mean person...he's nice and fun. so does an arranged marriage only work if ur not previously in love with someone else? :-( blah i just wana be over that guy already. i hate guys!!!

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Re: so i had my nikah

i spent time with him before the nikah in pakistan...for like 20 days. but yeah i came back. so its gona be another 8 months or so till he gets here..hopefully things will be better once he's here. i guess i needa be patient.

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Re: so i had my nikah

Generally speaking no, you don't gain attraction.

As for not being able to marry anyone else... That's completely silly.

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Re: so i had my nikah

I think every man deserves a woman who is genuinely attracted to him. Sometimes woman who marry people they're not attracted to think they're doing themselves a disservice, but they tend to forget that the guy is also really losing out. Men can easily tell when their woman isn't physically attracted to them.

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Re: so i had my nikah

best solution to this is you pop over to pak and live with him for the next 8 months ..and bring him with you.

speak to your parents that your having this issue .. book the next flight there.. he ll be delighted and you ll be ONLY with him and the guy your in love with automatically fade away from you..

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Re: so i had my nikah

Just try to talk with him more often, i don't know if you two are living together or not. I can't really advise on how to bring the element of love if your are living with your husband since i am not married. But if you too are not living together, then frequent communication could be a key. Stop looking at other guys with lusty eyes... JK .. If you are truly and with full sincerity committed to your partner and hes a nice chap then bringing romance in relation shouldn't be a tough job.

My example, i had been in love with someone else prior to getting engaged and my engagement was totally arranged. But i am on such a good terms with my fiancee that i sometimes i cant differentiate that whether its arranged scene or love scene.

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Re: so i had my nikah

why are you advising her to take extreme step with out making a single effort?