Correct me if I am wrong lekin saas susar ki khidmat karna bahu ki Islamic responsibilities mein nahin hai. She doesnt have to massage her inlaws, cook for them, live with them if she doesnt want to. And no one will question or penalize her for it if she chooses to live her life according to her God given rights.
If she does it out of the goodness of her heart…thats a favor being done for hubby…not her job. Most women think its their job because our society looks at a bahu like a new naukrani in the house but none of it is her responsibility.
Jab humaray sar pe Islam Islam bajaya jata hai ke larki ka kaam hai ghar ko sambhalna, khana pakana, saas susar ki khidmat karna, etc…to larki apne shauhar ko Islam kyun nahin sikha sakti…ke its her right to be home, not have to work, have all of her bills paid, a naukrani if she is too tired after the kids to clean, payment for taking care of his children and a separate home away from inlaws?
Why are our girls so naive? Why dont they educate themselves about their rights in Islam?
Disclaimer: this is not directed at anyone…just my own thoughts
Its somewhat of a misconception that woman is not obligated to take care of her in laws. When a Muslim is obligated to take care of his/her neighbor then why a girl is not obligated to take care of her MIL/FIL. You think that MIL/FIL are not even as important as your neighbor?
Second thing is, if you want to sit home, I think your hubby will be more than happy for you to sit home, but then all the feminist are going to start shouting about women being suppressed. Also, it is going to become a woman's duty to take care of her hubby's money like her own. If hubby cannot afford a separate home or a maid for her or an annual trip to Pakistan or latest outfits then she has to settle down with whatever he can provide.
. . . because we have already established that its a man dominated society . Like elites of any society , this society is also following the rules that serves men better . Even the mothers teacher their children the same rules that they follow later on their life . If you keep on telling a girl from day one that she HAS to server her in laws then she'll just take it as a rule and won't challenge it in her mind . I think that a strong mother can have a strong daughters . If mothers are aware of their rights in Islam then they can just pass it along to next generation .
I don't think girls are naive. They very well know what their rights and duties are. But inlaws and husbands remembers their own rights but ignore the rights of bahu/wife. Like someone used to repeatedly say "ghar ghar larkian bheti hain doosri milna kiya mushkil hai !" with that sort of mentality they just don't bother about the rights of wife/bahu because if she will open her mouth they can easily get another one. It's like there is more supply than demand.
Sorry to sound so mean and harsh above but it's the truth
well educate kerne lagay wo apnay husband ko iss baray mai tou i can imagine how much big big big fights it can lead to…ye samjhana aik husband ko easy nahi…he wont ever understand it..
I don't understand why taking care of in-laws is a religious thing....how about make it a thing based on HUMANITY??
Unless your in-laws are atrocious, why can't a girl be nice to them and even take care of them? Won't we do the same to our parents? Heck, if you see ANY aging person, you would want to make sure they are not in pain and are comfortable...I have a soft spot for old people....they have many years of wisdom yet more than often, we disregard them.
True, old people especially in-laws can be senile, bitter, annoying but so what?? They're OLD....let's not bring religion into this...moreover, religion hasn't told us explicitly to take care of our in-laws but it has told us to be good to people, to show compassion and to show patience towards the elderly.
And these aren't just any old people....they are your husband's parents. They gave birth to the person you love the most in this world! What's wrong with taking them to doctors appointments, a trip to the mall every other weekend, sitting and having chai with them and the list goes on. Yes some in-laws can be annoying and some mother in laws love to pass snide remarks but unless they are mentally, physically and emotionally abusing you, there is no reason to justify not taking care of them by raising the 'religion flag'. And taking care of in-laws goes BOTH ways. My husband will take care of my parents and I will take care of his...it's the least we can do for them after their countless years of sacrifice for us.
Just see this video, Humayon Saeed has more apropriate answer for your question
Now, Allow me to answer the question re- wife responsiblilities towards inlaws.
According to sacred charter of islamic married life, you are right, it is not duty of wife do khidmat of inlaws like a maid. But her duty is to do the same for husband and children.
One the same page, it is the duty of Son to do the same for his parents, Although upon his un-availability she does it for whole family then its her work done will earn her more reward bounties from Almighty Allah and more gratitude from husband and his family.
Now if I flip the coin, Just like wife, It is not an obligation for husband to do work for his inlaws. He is not bound to offer favours, timely help in sorting out problems within his family of inlaws. Under Islamic Law there is no such responsibility on him. So now what ?
If my sister-in-law has to apply for admission in college in a far flung city, and my help is required to drive car and do arrangements. Should I decline ? Nop , Never. Keyoon mera dimaagh kharab hai ?
My mother in Law need to go to market to buy something important , or needs to go to hospital to attend a patient and needs my company as a more helpful resource than her own son. Can I refuse as it is not my responsibility to offer this type of service ? as per Islam it does not fall under my responsibility. And Nonetheless : After all main damaad hoon
So the moral of this Raam Kahani is that ke Taali ek haath se nahi bajti , Haan Chapair ek haath se par jaati hai :
Yeah, a lady shouldn’t take care of her husband’s family. She should just get a separate house, a maid for the children, a hefty sum every month for shopping, hangout with her girlfriends, and wear fancy clothes and tons of makeup everyday and radio control her husband. That makes a perfect marriage :k:
Marriage is about making compromises, but if the understanding develops and stays, then such compromises vanish and are taken as acts of love,respect and care for each other.
In Pakistani society, certain acts are expected from the daughter in law like cooking for everyone etc. but then again, Pakistani households cannot even progress without servants, so a DIL does have servant/s to assist her. Massaging in-laws etc is a thoughtful thing, it may not be expected but she can offer it. However, in villages I have seen Saas’s telling bahu to massage their feet,back etc.But in villages many many ways of living are different.
A wife can tell her husband about Islamic values without inviting trouble, its the way she conveys him is what counts. If the understanding is there, he will understand and both can look for a solution if she is getting uncomfortable about doing something.
If the wedding is a dhakka-start and there is no understanding, thats another story.
Recently, my wife’s mother came to live with us and one day my wife mentioned to me that her mother got tired today etc. i just said ok to my wife but went to my saas and offered to massage her legs/feet saying that i do it for my mom when she is tired and my saas almost sprang up from the sofa saying that how could she ask me to do it. Seeing that she has become uncomfortable, i didnt resist and send my mother’s maid to her.
I have also seen that bahu’s are given a tough time when there is some agenda in the mind of the saas against her, but anyways its the understanding between husband and wife that makes the marriage progress.
Correct me if I am wrong lekin saas susar ki khidmat karna bahu ki Islamic responsibilities mein nahin hai.
If she does it out of the goodness of her heart...thats a favor being done for hubby...not her job.
Reha! I am 100% agreed with you at this point. I also went through the thread created by nadz, I think if husband wants to live with his parents and his family (wife + kids) together under one roof then he doesn't have to live separately. But he shouldn't impose this responsibility on his wife to do khidmat of his parents at any cost, normally inlaws of girls make it a big issue that their bahu doesn't do anything for them, even such complaints result in divorce/separation. It's husband's job to do balance the rights of his parents and wife.
If the wife feels that she would have been better if she lived in a separate home but husband doesn't want this then still she always has the rights to keep her privacy in her own room. Noone in her inlaws has right to interfere in her activities or freedom that she has in her room. Her room is her own property. I read it in many books so in laws are not supposed to keep their eyes on her room.
Above all, I think husband and wife both are meant to take care of each others' happiness this is how a peaceful life flows. A guy should give respect and help (if needed) the girls parents and a girl also should respect the guy's parents just for the sake of Allah and 'haqooq-ul-ibaad'. If you will think that they are your partner's parents whom he/she loves alot then naturally you should also take care of his/her parents.
taking advantage of anyone's favor always a disaster like if a wife does favor for her husband's family then they are not supposed to think that they have right to take extra advantage of all of her favors they are supposed to 'acknowledge' her favors.
Why is it that when girls go out wearing tight, revealing clothes and with make up plastered on their faces, Islam is thrown out of the window BUT talk about ANYTHING to do with in-laws then it's Islam this and Islam that!!! What a joke!!!
Parent's khidmat is in ISLAM!!!! Islam is about humanity. It is a way of life!!
Why do people always think their OWN parents matter more than others? Deny all you want but EVERYONE does think this.
Why is it that everything belonging to the husband belongs to the wife too - be it money, materialistic things or even happiness...BUT when it comes to HIS parents then no, they are HIS parents or just the IN LAWS!!! When women (and men) start thinking of their partner's parents AS THEIR OWN then maybe there wouldn't be this problem!!
.....yes, you get the "evil" in-laws too, but kisi boore ke saath khud bhi boora bann jaana is not the way.... this is NOT what Islam teaches, is it???? Doesn't Islam teach tolerance??? ...and NO, I am not saying you put up with your in-laws beating you etc.... you can use your own brains as to what to do in these situations...
this thread was about someone thinking Islam does not tell you to look after your in-laws.... what a joke!!!! Forget Islam, just be a decent person then!!!
I don't think girls are naive. They very well know what their rights and duties are. But inlaws and husbands remembers their own rights but ignore the rights of bahu/wife. Like someone used to repeatedly say "ghar ghar larkian bheti hain doosri milna kiya mushkil hai !" with that sort of mentality they just don't bother about the rights of wife/bahu because if she will open her mouth they can easily get another one. It's like there is more supply than demand.
Sorry to sound so mean and harsh above but it's the truth
Everybody is saying here that bahu should khidmat of inlaws out of humanity and kindness and should have tolerance.....I agree ! but for that she should be appreciated and should be treated like a daughter too no one can bear 24/7 tanay from inlaws. Its like when it comes to bahu she should treat parent inlaws as her own parents but when it comes to inlaws they cant treat her like a daughter and will treat her like a bahu only .....is this fair?
When you face such an attitude that "you have do it regardless of your feelings " , "even if you are sick or dying or pregnant you have to serve inlaws and thats a order" and you are under a constant AZMAISH by them and they treat you like a slave then I can tell you that LIFE BECOMES HELL for a bahu. Her self esteem and self worth is completely destroyed. The inlaws think that after signing the marriage contract she has signed a contract of slavery and will not even breathe without their permission then that is wrong ! Guy here are saying that they also do for inlaws etc but what ever they do is out of consideration , respect and love they are not ORDERED to do because girl's side of the family does not have a authoritative position towards the guy where as the guy side of the family think they have authority and they use it.
Everybody is saying here that bahu should khidmat of inlaws out of humanity and kindness and should have tolerance.....I agree ! but for that she should be appreciated and should be treated like a daughter too no one can bear 24/7 tanay from inlaws. Its like when it comes to bahu she should treat parent inlaws as her own parents but when it comes to inlaws they cant treat her like a daughter and will treat her like a bahu only .....is this fair?
When you face such an attitude that "you have do it regardless of your feelings " , "even if you are sick or dying or pregnant you have to serve inlaws and thats a order" and you are under a constant AZMAISH by them and they treat you like a slave then I can tell you that LIFE BECOMES HELL for a bahu. Her self esteem and self worth is completely destroyed. The inlaws think that after signing the marriage contract she has signed a contract of slavery and will not even breathe without their permission then that is wrong ! Guy here are saying that they also do for inlaws etc but what ever they do is out of consideration , respect and love they are not ORDERED to do because girl's side of the family does not have a authoritative position towards the guy where as the guy side of the family think they have authority and they use it.
Agreed, but what you are talking about here is the individual people involved and their behaviour and attitudes. This thread was about Islam's stand on whether a daughter in law is required to look after her in laws.
To put up with such behaviour and to not say anything when someone is doing "zulm" on you is also against Islam.....
...in the above situation, no human in their right mind should put up with that and if a husband cannot defend his wife or lets the above happen, then he is not a husband. Islam is NOT a hard religion to follow... it's us who make it hard!
Why is it that when girls go out wearing tight, revealing clothes and with make up plastered on their faces, Islam is thrown out of the window BUT talk about ANYTHING to do with in-laws then it's Islam this and Islam that!!! What a joke!!!
Parent's khidmat is in ISLAM!!!! Islam is about humanity. It is a way of life!!
Why do people always think their OWN parents matter more than others? Deny all you want but EVERYONE does think this.
Why is it that everything belonging to the husband belongs to the wife too - be it money, materialistic things or even happiness...BUT when it comes to HIS parents then no, they are HIS parents or just the IN LAWS!!! When women (and men) start thinking of their partner's parents AS THEIR OWN then maybe there wouldn't be this problem!!
.....yes, you get the "evil" in-laws too, but kisi boore ke saath khud bhi boora bann jaana is not the way.... this is NOT what Islam teaches, is it???? Doesn't Islam teach tolerance??? ...and NO, I am not saying you put up with your in-laws beating you etc.... you can use your own brains as to what to do in these situations...
this thread was about someone thinking Islam does not tell you to look after your in-laws.... what a joke!!!! Forget Islam, just be a decent person then!!!
…specialy when It comes to his mom 
Keyoon mera dimaagh kharab hai ?
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