So,I am a 20-something working girl,whose baat got pakki-fied 3 weeks back to a guy,like 2 yrs older to me..well,He is the only son of his parents.I n my parents liked the family..They liked ours.n baat got pakkified within 2 weeks time.
As regards me n the guy,we have just seen each others’ pics,not in actual.
Now the plan is Nikah is about a month’s time.
I’m kind of panicked.I want to meet the guy at least once or twice before the Nikkah,But:
#1:.my parents are REALLY Conservative in this matter;They say that They have met the guy and family,n have taken the best decision fr me n I need to shake all fears and not doubt unneccessarily.
#2:The guy himself hasn’t communicated or expressed that he wants to meet or talk…so Isnt it inappropraite fr me to try to initiate the talk…if at all I want to do.??
#3:I dnt feel any sort of sentiments as regards my spouse-to-be n how possibly I can have..?or is it too early to expect this?
#4:Almost all of my friends show amazement that how have I committed without even meeting/talking once and it makes me feel so miserable that I have stopped breaking the news of my engagement to ppl now!!cuz What they say next is that How’s the guy n when I say that I havent met him,They are like…??
Sounds complex,doesnt it??
Re: So,How to proceed...?
You should meet and talk to him. It's ridiculous that this still happens.
Re: So,How to proceed...?
See #2
Re: So,How to proceed...?
Hahaha ridiculous or not,,,it stilll happens!!
Re: So,How to proceed...?
^Maybe he wants to talk as well but is shy or worried what your parents will say..
Could you not meet him with your parents sitting there as well? Have you got a brother or sister who can help you convince them?
Re: So,How to proceed...?
in this stay and age this really should not be happening yes parents take the best descion but puri life ka sawal hai and you havent even met the guy , how Conservative are your parents can you not even talk to your mum about it or brother or sister at least they can go meet the guy you are marrying and reassure you how he is an all
Re: So,How to proceed...?
Do you have any other means of communicating with the guy? Phone, Email? Would not recommend facebook as things can easily go wrong there.
Parents should allow one to at least meet their future spouse once or twice, no matter how conservative.
Re: So,How to proceed…?
Can’t believe this still happens, what do parents think can happen in the first meeting that they are so afraid of. They are strangers, Pakistani and Muslims they are not going to start making out and doing stuff to each other. 
Parents are fine with them spending the rest of their lives together but they can’t talk to each other at least once before. 
OP: I think you should try to talk to your siblings perhaps, especially if they are older then they may be able to convince your parents. Or talk to your mum first and explain your situation to her. Also say that you are fine with someone being in the room with you. But then again if they are this conservative that third person may be so close to hear every single thing and then you might not even say much. The third person should just be able to see you two and not be able to hear the conversation.
Re: So,How to proceed...?
I have an idea, but you would need an accomplice like a brother or sister. Ask your parents to invite their whole family round (making sure fiance comes!) for dinner, and just gupshup - maybe they can meet to start planning for the nikkah. When they're round get your bro/sis to arrange an 'accidental' meeting with him e.g. you can excuse yourself to go get something from your room while your brother/sister decides to give a tour of the house to your fiance - then while your accomplice keeps watch you guys can have a little chat. You can exchange numbers/emails so you can keep in touch afterwards that also
Re: So,How to proceed...?
in my opinion, u dun have to meet him.. i personally beleive in the thing that ur parents have thought best for u.. 2ndly dnt try to approach the guy urself as it dun seem reasonable.. as u said its so early to expect/develop feelings for ur husband to be.. let it go.. once nikkah would be done, surely u both wil develop positive feelings for each other in sha ALLAH .. so i would suggest u to leave everything on Allah Tala.. wish u good luck :)
Re: So,How to proceed...?
I thought only my parents were so conservative! I have been told that when I get married I am not allowed to speak to the guy at all and hardly allowed to see him. I am pretty annoyed to be honest and I even argued with them but they are set i their ways. I have told them if I am not allowed to speak to the guy then its a no from me. How can I possibly marry someone who I have never spoken to? Having said that I know a few successful marriages that happened with no communication between the guy and the girl and they are living very happily. Personally, I don't think I'd marry anyone without speaking or communicating with them first.
Re: So,How to proceed...?
When I was going through a rishta (it didnt' work out) my parents were initially uneasy about me meeting up alone with the guy but I told them that I needed to have certain questions answered before I'd be willing to proceed. I wanted to discuss kids, career, etc and get a general feel for what it's like between us alone when we don't have the parents surrounding us. They eventually agreed--and it turned out for the best. If they're conservative, maybe you can suggest having your brother come along or something? Meet up in a coffee shop or a public place?
I'm assuming you don't live in the States so I can't help you much with specifics.
Re: So,How to proceed…?
Exercise their right to say ‘no’ maybe..
Re: So,How to proceed...?
Exercise their right to say 'no' maybe..
LOL forgot that was possible in this setting.
Back to the OP: I know I've said to try and get a meeting but if you do it slyly or even through your parents there is no point because at the end of the day if there was possibility of you saying no you wouldn't be in this situation. Clearly you have to go through with the Nikah no matter what, so there is no point talking to him just in case you or he says something that may cause a problem.
Re: So,How to proceed...?
OP, proceed with CAUTION! :)
Re: So,How to proceed...?
Insist on meeting. Maybe ask for a chaperoned meeting AT LEAST. This is idiotic.
Re: So,How to proceed...?
LOL forgot that was possible in this setting.
Back to the OP: I know I've said to try and get a meeting but if you do it slyly or even through your parents there is no point because at the end of the day if there was possibility of you saying no you wouldn't be in this situation. Clearly you have to go through with the Nikah no matter what, so there is no point talking to him just in case you or he says something that may cause a problem.
Why?
Re: So,How to proceed...?
Why?
If you see my post before I also think they should try to get the meeting but clearly Nikaah is going to happen no matter what, because they obviously haven't given her the right to say no in this case, they don't value her opinion and she has no choice. Otherwise she would have had a chance to meet him with someone chaperoning them.
Edit: If she ends up disliking him for some reason she can't say no can she now unless she convinces her parents.
Re: So,How to proceed...?
Nikah is in one months time & you guys haven't seen each other in real, I mean whats the rush?
Re: So,How to proceed…?
time to flood