so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

[Southie]

Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

@Aaze

Don't worry Southie, Nadz is smarter than that. She is not going to implement any advice from here anyway because even she knows better. You don't need to worry and get your BP high vigh :D

My blood pressure is just fine.

Thank you though.

[Lusi]

Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

@Southie

Of course it will. Nadz123 will be just fine.

Those who are advocating divorce - just stop. This is a one off thing - the pulling hair incident. It won't happen again. Out of character for husband.

Stuff happens.

Ditto!

[mistral]

Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

You've received a ton of good advice regarding what you should do about your relationship with your husband as well as suggestions on improving your own character. So I'm not going to comment on that. I'm just going to go with some practical things. The first, and most important - pray. Five times a day of course and any extra you can do. Only He has the ability to truly understand everything and help you and your family. The second...find something to do. Unless I'm totally mistaken, you are a stay at home mom, right? That's awesome. But I think many of your issues with hubby and the inlaws erupt do to constant contact. Obviously it's impossible to avoid each other in a joint family set up, but you need to get out of the house. Ever heard the saying that absence makes the heart grow fonder? There's a whole lot of truth to that. Even the Prophet PBUH would slip away from his home to for quiet reflection in Jabal Al Nur. I know people find that fact significant because that's where he received the revelations, but I've always thought it was more than that...if we are to live by his example then perhaps the example here is that it's good to just "get away" for a time. So get away. Even if it's for a 30 minute walk every day. Or maybe a volunteer job? A real job? Part time? Full time? Whatever. Find something for YOU to escape to, even if it's for the smallest scrap of time, no matter how difficult it is to obtain it. You'll be surprised how a lot of problems slip away due to that...simply because you're NOT PRESENT for more problems to erupt. I'm not saying that it's all your fault. Definitely not. But if you're not there to react to certain things that happen...a lot of the drama could die down. Or maybe it won't but you'll never know until you try will you? Give it a whirl Nadz. What have you got to lose?

[Xaos]

Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

@shanimasala

I do NOT advocate violence between a husband or wife at all.

The OP posted something that basically indicated her husband beat her.

Then she disappears. then she re appears, with a short, a very short post.

The thread has become 11 pages long with the OP showing up/posting maybe 3-4 times.

i think her last post is where she states 'I do see the difference in what happened and being beaten"

So what is the real story.

Obviously this person has severe marital and family issues. None of you know her personally. You just know her stories.

It's a pattern, where she posts one thing, does a disappearing act, re-surfaces , posts something else. Vanishes. Then to re-appear with another new thread.

She, and only she can decide what she wants in her life.

this is exactly what I was thinking, why do all nadz threads go on to be thissssssssssssss long, why do people keep on replying, repeating the advice over and over again while at the same time saying that nadz never listens to the advice here.

[shaasavera]

Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

@muqawwee123

But Qurat ul Ain’s husband never hit her. You should watch ‘Kankar’ for hitting husband. That is more relevant to this thread

You are right about that but in episode 10 of Shanakht Qurat-ul-Ain’s sister Kashaf got hit by her husband. Just because he was a greedy person and wanted her parents to buy him a flat and she refused to do that. Maybe Kankar is a better match.

@redvelvet

Kankar: Kiran comes from the lower-class and married the wealthy (but very dull) Sikander who has a temper problem. Her husband had promised to attend a dinner hosted by her family but he came home late and exhausted from a very trying day at work and tells her he can’t go. Kiran’s family is depicted as easy-going folks who would not have minded if the couple could not make it to the dinner…but Kiran made it a huge deal. She could have opted to attend the dinner with her saas…but she is not shown to think of this possibility. She is also pregnant. He is tired. She keeps arguing with him and takes off the earrings he had gifted her and rudely throws them on the floor in front of him. Sikander, who is also materialistic, gets angry at her treatment of the gift. There’s grabbing/pushing-shoving…she falls to the floor and has a miscarriage. He could have called to let her know the dinner was off. And though he was more wrong, she could have managed her temper too. When she marries her cousin, Adnan, she appears more subdued and does not argue the way she did when she was married to her former husband. Sikander was a jerk, no doubt, and his mistakes were highlighted and addressed time and time again in the drama…but strangely the importance of a wife also controlling her temper wasn’t brought up. Funnily, the garrulous Rukhsar (whom the audience wanted to slap) was better tolerated by her husband and family. Maybe the director wanted to show that if the husbands of such annoying women as Rukhsar and Kiran’s Tayi can tolerate them…then so can Sikander. :\

It sounds like a gripping drama I will make sure I will watch all of it. I think they may have wanted to show different levels of tolerance. As in actions shouldn’t provoke anyone to hit anyone but it depends on their personality. I think they may have thought if they did talk about wife’s temper it would be victim blaming and minimise the seriousness of what happened to her. I guess the director thought that wives already get such advice but maybe husbands don’t get this advice as much.

I hope everything has resolved for Nadz and the next thread will be a happier one

[nadz123]

Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

OK guys.thank you.

Shanimasla I was not beaten.wtf. had I been, trust me I would not be on a forum asking what to do. I'd be on a plane.

I asked because his aggression was a shock out of character.

Update- he has apologized a million times
Has behaved impeccably.
Is trying to be OK. For me. And I see that he is really hurt at his own.actions.

So far we are OK. I am quiet.

Thank you. And I do take advice from.here. I realised.I was wrong bout his.income.so I apologized too. Thanks guppans

[Xtron]

I am glad things have worked out for you nadz!. Just understand and i am sure you know this is that.. No one is perfect...what he did was not right but he did apologize..so inshallah everything will be fine. Secondly, if the guy had beaten her..i wouldn't have any sympathy for him. For those who advocated divorce or even bringing this into discussion shows the very true nature of yourselves. I pray for your married life to be full of happiness and success. Ameen.

[diamond321]

Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

@nadz123

OK guys.thank you.

Shanimasla I was not beaten.wtf. had I been, trust me I would not be on a forum asking what to do. I'd be on a plane.

I asked because his aggression was a shock out of character.

Update- he has apologized a million times Has behaved impeccably. Is trying to be OK. For me. And I see that he is really hurt at his own.actions.

So far we are OK. I am quiet.

Thank you. And I do take advice from.here. I realised.I was wrong bout his.income.so I apologized too. Thanks guppans

I am glad he apologized . Now forgive & forget and move on.

[prototype]

Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

So apparently HIT doesnt mean beaten.

Mods, please close this thread now. Agli bahut jaldi aanay wali hai. See you there with 12 pages of advice.

[Pisiform]

Re: so he hit me. dnt kniw what else to write

Well, since OP got quite a bit of advise here and things seem patched up, I am closing this thread. Please feel free to PM me or other folks if you want it opened.