We are expecting our second and we have a queen size bed, Jr. used to co-sleep with us (we just moved 4 months ago to a new country so didn’t have a crib or toddler bed).
Jr. moves a lot while sleeping and he was also kicking my tummy so hubby and him now sleep on the floor while I sleep alone on the bed. Sleep is definitely more comfortable (with my growing belly and all).
I have suggested to hubby we buy a toddler bed for Jr. and get him into the habit of sleeping in his bed but hubby says he is comfortable with Jr. on the floor also Jr. moves A LOT and hubby says Jr. might fall out of his bed.
I have seen a lot of desis where parents don’t sleep in the same bed anymore, and it does bother me. Should I be worried ? I would like a setup where our kids can sleep in their own beds but be in the same room as us.
In your experiences what kind of setup is the best for both kids and parents.
How old is Jr.?
If he is old enough then why not a toddler bed for him..I have no such experience.Our 22 mo sleeps in her crib which is still in our room.But someone I know who has a 2.5 yo and is having another one soon,just moved their daughter to a toddler bed in the other room and have the crib for the newborn in their own room.Most likely the parents will be in the same room,same bed.
Your older one wont be sleeping on the floor for ever,so why not make the transition now if he is old enough...:)
hubby thinks that Jr. should be with him or one of us at all times so he doesn't feel like we deserted him when the new one comes. Jr. is 19 months old.
a toddler bed is the way to go. you can get a side rail for the bed which will ensure he doesn't fall out. i mean, really, how long can this go on? sooner or later, he will need his own space and you will need your room back, esp. when the new baby comes. everyone's sleep will be disturbed when the baby wakes up throughout the night to feed, you know? get him into a toddler bed maybe starting with naptime so he gets used to the idea. hubby can sleep on the floor next to the toddler bed to get both of them used to the separation.
also, if you don't make it a we don't want you issue vs. a look! you're a big boy now and here's your own big boy bed, then jr. shouldn't feel like he's been abandoned. again, timing is important because the new baby is due soon, right? if you do it after the new baby is here, then i can see jr. feeling like he's been pushed aside- it will be enough of an adjustment for him as it is with a new sibling.
19 months will be a lil young for a toddler bed...no...?
When are you due..?Will you be getting a crib ..??..Maybe he can sleep in the crib in your room and the newborn can co sleep or be in a bassinet.Once the new baby is a few months old,Jr might be old enough to be moved to the toddler bed.
Hubby's bro and wife have this arrangement where dad sleeps with the older 2 girls on the floor while the younger two sleep in the bed with mom. The older girls have their own room but refuse to sleep there.
And hubby sees nothing wrong with that arrangement, am I being unreasonable especially given that this is how it is being done in one of his family member's family. Hubby's own parents had a separate room and the kids (except the youngest one) slept in another room so I do find it weird. But I don't know how to convince hubby to get a crib/toddler bed for Jr. at the moment.
I know we will be getting a crib for the new baby I just don't like this arrangement and I really didn't like the dad + half kids on the floor and mom + half kids on the bed
To transition our cosleeper, we put the toddler bed against our bed. She sleeps in there because she feels like she is still sleeping with us. Your hubby could sleep next to Jr, and you on the other side. When you/he feel ready, you can move the toddler bed away.
I just want to add that there were a lot of things that bothered me about certain parenting strategies before I was a parent. And I made my life much harder for myself trying to live up to the expectations and judgements of a less experienced me.
If half the family on the bed and half on the floor is the best solution right now, then let it work, and give yourself a break. It's just a phase, and you can transition out of it when it makes sense.
like others said- 19 mo. old is too young for a toddler bed- he should still be in a crib- he also shouldn't be sleeping in your bed between you either- that is unsafe as he could be smothered
i would make the transition now to a room of his own, or he'll never want to leave your room and it will become a huge ordeal and headache for you
^ A 19month old is not likely to be smothered between two parents. But I'm not saying that's the best arrangement. Just that that danger is not really one to focus on.
automne.. whatever works for you, keep it that way.
We had our son in the bassinet for first two weeks and then one night I had him on bed with us.. and we never went back to bassinet..Initially I could sleep properly as I was afraid of squishing him but we are now used to it. I sleep on the bed and my husband sleeps on the floor.. baby goes between the two of us depending on who can handly baby at the given time.
Would I do it any different? no.. I love him rigth next to me.. it's not for him.. he could care less about sleeping.. we sleep in his room and he takes naps in his crib but for night time, I put him next to me..I put him at a distance from me so even if I roll over he is out of reach for me!
I cant do textbook parenting.. I am just not meant to.. :(
Midget was nearly 2.5 yrs old when genie was born. This is our set up
Midget in his own room in crib (we got him a toddler bed but that was horrible. Thr kid would get out and sleep walk! So packed up the bed and moved him back to crib and 12 hour night sleep.
For genie we got another crib. We had planned on giving her midget's crib when we bought the bed, but like i said, that didnt work out.
First off.... Ure 19 month old is way too young for a toddler bed. Keep him in crib and move him out of the room. U have time right now to train him
Its imp u do cuz unless junior is capable os sleeping through an earthquake, the last thong u want is for the newborn to wake junior up a billion times at night ...then u will have two restless kids on ure hands. Not fun, trust me! I just went through a torturous 2 weeks in pak with both kids in the room and no sleep!
I understand for us desis kids are everything, but i dont love mine so much thst they share our bed once they cross the 6 month mark...sorry..im so not mamta-full like that. I need my man next to me... So u have tje right to be worried....
I have seen a lot of desis where parents don't sleep in the same bed anymore, and it does bother me. Should I be worried ? I would like a setup where our kids can sleep in their own beds but be in the same room as us.
In your experiences what kind of setup is the best for both kids and parents.
You are right about the first part (ot of desis where parents don't sleep in the same bed anymore) - but why does it bother you?
I think that its ok if kids want to sleep with their parents. We used to do that, and I think we turned out to be just fine. To me, my kids emotional security is way more important than some 'approved method of raising them'. I know by the time they will hit preteen or even young adult age, they will start sleeping on their own. Till then, its fine with me.
TLK Bhaijaan, it is the emotional in/security that the "approved" method of sleeping arrangement is independent rooms/beds.
It is true that by teen+adults they have so many more influences that sleeping alone becomes a non-issue. Just like eventually everyone gets potty trained, how to ride a two wheeler, eats their vegetables etc. But the sooner they are independent the better.
I don't believe in the theory of 'scared for life' but I do believe that every little thing matter, not independently but as a whole. What we tell our kids, how we act around them, how they are treated makes them who they are.
If I have enough rooms in the house I would like to separate them as soon as possible.
I dont know about the insecurity bit. As I said that I used to crawl between my parents in the middle of the night - I am sure you have done that too .. and I guess we are all ok
^ yes, many times. Being the youngest of the 5 siblings in a relatively poor household, I was bed-less for the longest time.
The point I am trying to make is a little different. Maybe an example will help. We had a sleepover for boys age 7 - 10 at masjid. It wasn't even late in the night and one kid (around 8 years old) started crying. I took him aside & asked whats the problem. He said he missed his Mom cos he sleeps with her. I reassured him it will be ok and if he really couldn't handle it, I won't tell anyone and we can ask his parents to come get him. He ended up going home.
Will he grow up to be normal and independent young man? I am sure he will! The issue is that he missed out on a experience kids his age were enjoying.
I would never say that his emotional attachment to his parents is wrong/bad or that him sleeping with them was the reason he felt sad/insecure. But it all adds up.
I'll have to go with what Khawa said. My son sleeps with me on my bed and my husband sleeps in the guest room. I would do anything for my son to sleep in his crib. I tried for weeks but he just hated the idea. I would really want me and husband to sleep together. I loveeeeeee my son but I think its just better for him to sleep in his crib which is placed in our own bedroom. He just won't!
