Do you think that the practice of choosing a potential spouse (usually a woman) based on skin tone alone (mostly fair) and sometimes height (usually tall), while overlooking other characteristics such as their: personality, ethics and intelligence/education etc. is still prevalent among (certain) Pakistani communities worldwide? If so:
Is it practiced more amongst a certain class (lower, middle or upper)?
Is it exercised more by a specific gender (male or female)?
When and why do you think that the ideology first arose (era and reason)?
It may seem like a minor issue to some, but certain people do actually place the utmost emphasis on skin tone and sometimes height as well. Also, what if this potential spouse (regardless of their color) ends up being: an abuser, thief and/or serial killer?! That is why to me, not only is the practice strange, but also very abnormal (especially for safety reasons).
Do you think that the practice of choosing a potential spouse (usually a woman) based on skin tone alone (mostly fair) and sometimes height (usually tall), while overlooking other characteristics such as their: personality, ethics and intelligence/education etc. is still prevalent among (certain) Pakistani communities worldwide? If so:
Is it practiced more amongst a certain class (lower, middle or upper)?
Is it exercised more by a specific gender (male or female)?
When and why do you think that the ideology first arose (era and reason)?
It may seem like a minor issue to some, but certain people do actually place the utmost emphasis on skin tone and sometimes height as well. Also, what if this potential spouse (regardless of their color) ends up being: an abuser, thief and/or serial killer?! That is why to me, not only is the practice strange, but also very abnormal (especially for safety reasons).
I think its practiced in all classes, not restricted to any. But obsession for fair skin seems less common for guys who were born and raised in US, who look at other physical features as well like having a good body, good facial features, and not just skin color when they judge someones looks. i have seen in pakistan gora rung is of utmost importance. even the bridal makeup done at most places (not all), make you look super fair because that is the standard of beauty. every salon offers so many whitening facials and treatments. tons of whitening creams available in stores and constant commercials of fair and lovely. we have some strange post colonial complex i believe. from what i have seen, women are less picky about mens skin color but height does play a role to some extent. but mainly what desis look for in a guy is his education, career and salary (especially in arranged marriages). again , im just saying what i have generally seen, not claiming to state any facts here, but my own experience. last time when i went to pakistan few years back, my aunt kept telling me to get whitening facials as they seem to lighten skin and i would get more rishtas.
its not just desis who dont like their skintone, white people try to tan so much and dont like light skin. i guess no one is happy with what they have. whats even strange is that most gyms here have a tanning section where even guys tan after working out. so as we try to get fairer, they try to get tanner.
This fairness preference still a prevalent mindset of many Pakistanis (at least here in Canada). I have heard from aunties and young men alike, that fairness is a beautiful and desired trait in a wife/daughter in law. These people are middle/upper middle class citizens too.
It is ironic that the white people here want darker skin tones while we want to be paler. Canadians can't wait for summer and soak in the sun for hours to get a tan. We should be able to love our "wheatish" skin tones, but it won't change until we change our children's mindsets and do not allow this idea to penetrate future generations.
^ this. Skin colour seems to be an issue in many cultures, not only ours surprisingly and it's really sad. Something about light skin being the universally accepted standard of beauty. I still see the gora preference in my community regardless of class.
Do you think that the practice of choosing a potential spouse (usually a woman) based on skin tone alone (mostly fair) and sometimes height (usually tall), while overlooking other characteristics such as their: personality, ethics and intelligence/education etc. is still prevalent among (certain) Pakistani communities worldwide? If so:
Is it practiced more amongst a certain class (lower, middle or upper)? Middle and upper
Is it exercised more by a specific gender (male or female Females mostly, from guy's side when looking for rishtas
When and why do you think that the ideology first arose (era and reason)? No idea
It may seem like a minor issue to some, but certain people do actually place the utmost emphasis on skin tone and sometimes height as well. Also, what if this potential spouse (regardless of their color) ends up being: an abuser, thief and/or serial killer?! That is why to me, not only is the practice strange, but also very abnormal (especially for safety reasons).
You can't force anyone to start liking black or white or brown. It's an inbuilt thing. I know so many brown/yellow women who like white or black men and same for men. It doesn't mean they think less of their own same race. It's personal preference.
I never understood the song 'sanwali saloni si, mehbooba' it goes against the 'expectations' of desi culture so why was it popular?
Yeah - skin tone is unfortunately still a MASSIVE issue in Pak, and generally desi culture. When I was younger I had all white friends and never understood my culture at all, so I'd be obsessed with getting a tan like the rest of my gori friends lol, and my mum and sis would be like: what planet are you on, we try to hide from the sun and you try to get darker? Lol. I agree with NaMaan: it's a personal preference as to what you like, and it changes with your environment and the people that influence you.
I never understood the song 'sanwali saloni si, mehbooba' it goes against the 'expectations' of desi culture so why was it popular?
Yeah - skin tone is unfortunately still a MASSIVE issue in Pak, and generally desi culture. When I was younger I had all white friends and never understood my culture at all, so I'd be obsessed with getting a tan like the rest of my gori friends lol, and my mum and sis would be like: what planet are you on, we try to hide from the sun and you try to get darker? Lol. I agree with NaMaan: it's a personal preference as to what you like, and it changes with your environment and the people that influence you.
Because the singer himself was a gora chitta tall handsome hunk from cult pop band, lol.
I don't if the song was intended to be a social commentary or way of defying any 'expectations'. If you look at the video, it's a tribute to Sindhi women and culture.
It completely depends on your family and your relations. The case of my family skin color is not a factor. Education is. A lot of the same applies to my circle of friends and family, some of which have married gorays or kalas.
LOL, I’ve heard that the singer came out with goray rung ka zamana kabhi hoga na purana first…much to the chagrin of the duskier ladies…so he then came up with sanwli siloni si mehbooba. A pity song…
so (most - not all) Pakistanis are obsessed with being fair whilst most goras are obsessed with achieving a tan colour. Why is no-one happy with what they have. tbh, if someone rejects you because your not 'fair' enough then that really tells you how shallow they are. What if your fair but then your skin colour changes to slightly darker naturally (happened to my grandma). Will the person divorce you? Pakistanis place too much emphasis on fair colours (especially females). a fair colour does not equal fair coloured kids or a happy life lol.
I have family friends who are kashmiri. One guy in their family had a love marriage with a sanwali punjaban. So my mom was casually asking this aunty how her family is doing and how the new DIL is adjusting into their family. She goes, saaday wich baithi gaan lagdi ae (meaning she stands out for being dark skinned as compared to the rest of us).
