Skin complexion...

Lifestyle Relationships
21

sighhz, MOD yaar why dont u come and kill me with your bare hands. I dont recall ever, if my thread ever stayed where I put it. Tussi 100 200 ropaye lay lavo te menu bakhash deo, for watever sin that i,ve committed. I have been on GS long enough to know which thread should belong to which forum. And sometimes just for a broader range of audience, one wants it at a certain place. Why is this concept such a big thing to grasp for you guys?!
I reckon a total of 15 kuriyan and 2 and half guys visit this forum here, and u leave the threads here to let em rot! Even though I requested the thread not to be moved. Khair, ur the big guy right, u do what YOU think is right! :rolleyes:

hmmm, thanx for the reply guys. For those who found the thread offensive, I,m sorry. I think i did try and mention that its not always gori one wants, and by wanting a gori, I,m not at all branding all the darker ones as ugly either. “Only if the gori has brains and personality too”, these are the main criteria. Another interesting observation that i,ve made is, the darker girls are the ones who find all this color thing very offensive and discriminating. And I totally understand it, because they are the ones who are being directly effected. But like someone mentioned, is going for someone that you are physically more attracted to such a bad thing? I,m not talking about someone as shallow whos only criterion for his wife is that she be gori and beautiful. I,m saying, if you want a nice intelligent wife, whos got an overall nice personality and all, if you go with the one you find more attractive, is that unfair? It shouldnt be. It might feel bad to the girl, but is the guy really being unfair? I dont know… arent you both supposed to be comfortable with each other? before you get married? of everything? including looks and all? the attraction factor?
I dont know I am still confused… and like I said, feel very uneasy because of all this, because like someone said, the darker girls never asked to be born dark.

22

It depends on whether the choice is really yours, or if you've been influenced by cultural standards. Everyone does have a personal preference, indeed. However, I don't think someone's personal definition of beauty is just limited to skin color. So, for a guy to say, I like fair girls or I like dark girls - the definition seems to be lacking. Because think about it - within the group of fair girls, you'll have various facial shapes, some will be chubby, some will be thin, some will be x, some will be y.

So, in reality, when you see someone, you either feel attraction or you don't. Sometimes all the girls you will be attracted to will have a certain pattern in traits, and sometimes not. Looking over all the guys I've liked...well, some have been goray, some dark, some short, some tall, etc, etc. Maybe its because I just tend to look beyond the looks. In fact, all the guys I've been attracted to, I've been attracted to their personalities first.

And what do you mean by the darker girls never asked to be born dark ? It seems like you're saying that being dark is a negative trait, which contradicts everything else you say. The trait of being dark is not a bad thing. In fact, its quite appealing. Depending on who's judging. As long as its their own judgement.

And at any rate, I wouldn't worry about offending any girls if I were you. You can't blame the girls for being pissed off, but at the same time, that's an issue they have to deal with.

Its better for you to be honest, than polite.

23

You are feeling uneasy because your criteria is shallow to begin with. Its not wrong to have a preference but you are narrowing down your choices based on skin color which is not mature. However, I am glad that you are being honest about it
I’m somewhat dark myself and I’d rather have a partner who would take me as I am rather than someone who wanted a gora and ‘settled’ for me…nomsayin?

p.s. btw after six months of marriage and a couple of beers its all the same. You will be laughing at this thread in a couple of yrs..write my words down :-D

24

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by MehnazQ: *

I am so fed up of these Pakistani men who aren't looking at what they themselves have to offer in terms of looks and personality, but want a fair beauty for themselves.

[/QUOTE]

im right there with ya sista!! kabhi samajh nahi ayee ye baat kay "parhi likhi ho, gori, dubli, lambi ho, khoobsoorat bhee ho" and khud guy kay paas na job hay na koi stability hay life main na looks hain (khair ye tu Allah daita hay) but still....
its really not fair to reject someone based on their skin colour or body type before even getting to know them. sigh... mairay khiyal say tu pathetic standards!!

25

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Chandbeti: *
It's your own choice. I prefer GORE munde over darkies. But then a GORA munda with an intelligence of a shoe is certainly a no no. **I would rather go for someone ugly **who has a good SOH and is witty.

[/QUOTE]

so, are you saying dark men are ugly?
tsk tsk tsk... how shallow!

26

also Kaka,

Sometimes being honest might not be good idea especially with the people who can't take joke and/or your true feelings lightly.

There are some things in life that no human have control over (e.g. color of your skin, your height, looks, body etc) so try not to bring these kind of issues during chat.

And i personally know you are one handsome looking young pathan with a Jony bravo body and a human as well so you are bound to make mistakes sometime. :)

27

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Reemzy: *

so, are you saying dark men are ugly?
tsk tsk tsk... how shallow!
[/QUOTE]

did I say that honey??

I just said I wud rather go for someone ugly with a lot of brains over someone who was fair, handsome but had an iq of a floor mop.

Dark isn't ugly in my books. There are many dark people who look helluva lot better than some really fair ones. But what I say is, if there were twins, with everything same except for the color, I woud go for the fair one.

28

^ poor dark twin.

29

^
PCG, don't hate me because I have an opinion. It is just my choice. I can't help it. It's not like I am saying I hate darkies or I would never marry one or befriend one. I am just more attracted to the fair ones.

30

did i say i hate you for your opinion? I just feel sorry for this imaginary dark twin.

31

the darker girls never asked to be born with dark skin...

I was referring to suroor's comments there.

anyways... first of all,, i,d like to clear it up again...
Dark isnt ugly. If i fall in love with a girl whos dark, hell yeah i,m gonna marry her! then all the criteria goes to hell straightaway,, she could have 3 eyes for all i care, i,d still love her...

I,m only talking about preference here... like BoSS said, after a few yrs its all the same,,, do you guys think that I dont know that its the person thats important? I mean i know i,d probably be a nusrat fateh ali khan in 5, 10 yrs, and my wife could be 6 tonn heavy cow by that time,,, beauty fades away,, its the person, that stays there,, even wen ur 80 and old and wrinkly,,, so ofcourse i would go for someone that i truly like and love... and boss,,, i wont be laughing after a few yrs wen i read this... cos its not wat u think it is.

skin color is one of the traits... short, tall, thin , fat, etc etc. I still dont know why its such a bad thing to have a certain preference? I mean , hay some like honda and some toyota, they are both nice cars, but maybe i like honda,,, so i,d like a honda, but if i get a really nice toyota with a good overall package, mileage and condition, I could get a toyota! why not! even a nissan!

i dont think theres anything wrong with liking honda more than others... doesnt mean i hate all the other cars...

but thenn,, its not that simple or easy... cars dont have feelings and humans do.

In short........... i didNOT say, hay if i marry someone, it has be a gori for sure... i,d be a shallow pig if i say that. But hay sorry if i,m more attracted to a lighter skin girl... dont blame me.
I can totally see myself getting married to a dark girl too... totally possible. just waiting to fall in love. But wats wrong with liking honda?
some girls dont like hairy guys, some dont like bald men,,, its fair enough! but if u fall in love with one,, all that goes out the window... same here!
ummm,,, and hay i might think the fairer twin is cute,,, but it i like the darker twin's personality and find her more compatable,,, it,ll be the darker for sure!

IF theres none difference watsoever,, and they are totally identical in every aspect,, personality, humour,, character,, everything,, and i hafta choose one,,, ,, instead of tossing the coin, i,ll go with the fairer one,,, i know sounds unfair,, but nah,, if its that close,,, that it comes to a toss,,, i,ll take the chitti hoor.

32

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by KAKA-ATOM-BUM: *
I mean i know i,d probably be a nusrat fateh ali khan in 5, 10 yrs, and my wife could be 6 tonn heavy cow by that time
[/QUOTE]

and i wish to live till that day so i can your wife that you called her a 6 ton cow :)

[QUOTE]
i,ll take the chitti hoor.
[/QUOTE]

hmmm, now you have just discriminated native australians only on the basis of color, should be carefull next time you step out ;) one abrogini lady might be following you :) lol

33

skin color is one of the traits... short, tall, thin , fat, etc etc. I still dont know why its such a bad thing to have a certain preference?
Let me tell you why it is a bad thing…skin colour is not the same as other physical attributes that you have mentioned. The moment you start judging/preferring people by the colour of their skin..right there and then you start discriminating. You should read Martin Luther King Jr and you will know how every short, tall, thin, fat, hairy man could dream of being the US president but a black man couldn’t.

*but thenn,, its not that simple or easy... cars dont have feelings and humans do. *
Right…cars don’t have feelings. If you had any sensitivity of the issue..you wouldn’t have brought cars up in the first place…but that’s ok…we learn as we grow….and that’s where I am saying you will laugh at this thread when you go through some firsthand experiences.

In short........... i didNOT say, hay if i marry someone, it has be a gori for sure... i,d be a shallow pig if i say that. But hay sorry if i,m more attracted to a lighter skin girl... dont blame me.
Its not a matter of blaming…it’s a matter of thinking out of the box without bias.

*I can totally see myself getting married to a dark girl too... totally possible. just waiting to fall in love. *
I doubt you will fall in love with a dark girl…you have your defenses up so high that she won’t get a chance.

I know where you are coming from..in fact I understand your intentions for each and every word that you have written..trust me you don't have to explain :-) ...but I’d advise you to take my words from an open mind and not as defending this post. I’m afraid you might not give a chance to a gem with your current thought process.

34

Kaka, what are you so worried about? Che paghpala speen ye ano mor kho ba dala sok tora jeenai na kai. Fact.

35

i think the color thing is primarily a living in pakistan/raised in pakistan thingy....

I wasn't that big on color though and I have light skin and green eyes, and I would be offended by men who were looking for a gori/light eyed girl.....

I also didn't care about color THAT much in my spouse but to be honest I wouldn't go for a black guy because he would be so dark...

36

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by amelie: *
I also didn't care about color THAT much in my spouse but to be honest I wouldn't go for a black guy because he would be so dark...
[/QUOTE]

thats just wrong.....

37

At least you are honest, Kaka.

Just wondering - historically how did this happen? i mean, what are the factors for desis wanting lighter-skinned spouses? Are there any cultures around the world where dark skin is preferred? Is this a product of our experiences under the British Raj where being gora personified being in power? What's the deal - why is our culture so obsessed with being gora? Is it wanting what you don't have ? Do Aboriginal/African/Latin American/Caribbean cultures also face the same thing - just wondering WHY on earth this has developed in our culture. There's gotta be a historical reason behind it.

38

All this talk about preference for fair or dark skin is quite amusing.
I will explain my experience which may help you understand why I find this topic amusing.

Here is another spin to give a more complex look at the intricasy and human involvement ("Mummy Jaan's") into the preference of choice for a marriage partner.

I myself am tall, slim, tanned skin-tone and attractive. Several prospective marriage partner's have been introduced to me via family friends or Pakistani bachelor's introducing themselves to me. I have never been rejected by the guy himself. Rather, Mummy Jann doesn't approve. Reason. Yaha ki larkia achi nahi hoteen. Hum tho Pakistan jake Gori Chiti larki leke aigen humare bete ke liyen. In all honesty, my personality meant absolutely nothing. The fact that I was compatible with a few of the guys meant nothing. What did play an important role was the fact that 1. I'm not subservient; 2. I'm not "Mummy's Jaan's" choice; and 3. I'm not pale as a ghost fair. :)

My family personally knows 3 family's who have taken their sons to Pakistan and brought back a Gori Chitti, seedi saadi (so they thought) larki.

Case 1) The daughter in law within months was attacking her mother in law with a knife. No joke ... the police had to come and rescue the MIL.

Case 2) The daughter in law after 1.5 yrs of marriage was running after her mother in law with a hot frying pan. The daughter in law has managed to break the entire family apart. She now lives alone with the son and has made sure the son has NO contact with his family.

Case 3) The daughter in law physically assaulted her mother in law by slapping her across the face.

My whole point is that it really doesn't seem to matter (in cases I've witnessed) whether the guy likes a fair skin girl to a dark skin girl.

As long as our Elder's, specifically mother's, do not change their narrow minded, ignorant attitudes this saga will continue for many more years to come.

Before, I get attacked about insulting mothers. Let me make it clear that I am emphasing where the encouragement for final decision comes from. It is usually not of the guy in question, rather it is the mother. The mother wants what is best for her son (which of course means gori chitti). Unfortunately, this narrow minded view does not give much hope for the girls brought up in the west (who are brought up (in most cases) to be more straight forward and honest ... who also happen to be brown.

On a final note. It's really amusing that the same Pakistani guys who claim to prefer fair skin Pakistani girls drool all over the likes of Beyonce Knowles and Salma Hayek. What's that I hear? They're brown and not fair skinned? Oh the horror! My goodness ..... Pakistani guys don't know what they want. No wonder they go to mummy for the final decision.

39

i feel sorry for kaka… ladies look at it this way, at least kaka wont be hitting on you :wink: … we all at one time or another discriminate against someone… and personally i think kakoo just worded things wrong… thats all…

p.s and im kali gulab jamun… :blush:

40

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Nadia_H: *
At least you are honest, Kaka.

Just wondering - historically how did this happen? i mean, what are the factors for desis wanting lighter-skinned spouses? Are there any cultures around the world where dark skin is preferred? Is this a product of our experiences under the British Raj where being gora personified being in power? What's the deal - why is our culture so obsessed with being gora? Is it wanting what you don't have ? Do Aboriginal/African/Latin American/Caribbean cultures also face the same thing - just wondering WHY on earth this has developed in our culture. There's gotta be a historical reason behind it.
[/QUOTE]

one of the main factor effecting this behaviour is the generations of brain washing starting from colonialism till modern day through media (local or international). during colonialism, goray made sure that the ppl were brain washed to an extend that they (locals) start to feel sorry for themselves. the locals were told that they are inferior because of their skin colour, and hence are only capable of being slaves. the colour of white has always been better, it stands for peace, purity and innocence. the black or dark colours are always associated with evil and bad. and yes aboriginals, africans and latin or caribean cultures also face this problem. in latin america, the more white they are the better it is. majority of the population like to watch tv with light skin as actors. africans also prefer some what lighter tone. its everywhere and deeply rooted in majority of population's mind.

now the question is how do we get rid of it?